Lifestyle & Blogging

Love & MS

We don’t get to choose whether or not we get MS, nor do we get to choose when we get that diagnosis. For some, it comes while in a relationship and for others it comes outside of one.

Either scenario forces the following self-reflection: does my partner stay with me? and, do I disclose my situation on a date?

MS is difficult because it turns partners or potential partners into caretakers.

It fosters self-doubt after the diagnosis: is my partner with me because they feel obligated? do they resent having to care for me? are they only interested in me because they have to “fix” me? what happens if they leave or die before me?

It is little wonder that many bloggers and experts refer to MS as the third wheel in a relationship. It’s an unwanted obstacle that can put a strain on any current or budding relationship.

 

The Third Wheel

MS is the unpredictable cousin that comes into your life and needs a place to crash until they get on their feet. They take up space on a centrally located couch and refuse to leave when you want to watch a movie with your partner (or bring a date home).

They say they are looking for a job, but really spend all day watching half-hour courtroom shows with ads for injury lawyers.

It’s that cousin that interrupts you everytime you want to have a conversation with someone so you forget what you were saying and is up at all hours of the night making it hard for anyone to sleep.

Simply put: MS is an unwelcome third-party to your relationship that isn’t going to leave anytime soon. No matter how many times you ask it to get its act together and move on.

Trying to figure MS out and how it factors into a relationship is extremely hard. As a person with the diagnosis, I am trying to learn what I am capable of doing and what my limitations are. How much do I put on or ask of Ash? Should I even ask him to help? Is the relationship lopsided? Am I really that bad that I need his help? Or am I just imagining things?

MS is always hiding in the background of every thought or action I take. I have to plan out my day to make sure I have enough energy for when Ash gets home to make any interactions with him meaningful. I have to pause frequently and ask myself: am I feeling this way because this is normal for someone who only got 4 hours of sleep with a teething toddler, or is this because of the MS?

As you can see, I ask myself a lot of questions. I tend to overthink things and so it takes a lot of energy to manage my MS. So when it is time for quality time with Ash, sometimes I just don’t have what it takes to be the partner I think he deserves.

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Lifestyle & Blogging

Simple Tips to for Resolution Success

I have a hard time maintaining and succeeding in my New Year’s resolutions. I know that I am not alone, with many people either not making any resolutions or not making it past the three month mark. I find that by the second week of the year, for me, I start to flag in my motivation to keep my resolutions. By February I am like: resolution, who?

I have a few ideas as to why that is the case. I don’t plan. I am not organized. And I don’t take any productive steps to make the changes in order to be successful.

Usually December 31st rolls around and I am like: “Oh yeah, I need to make some resolutions to start tomorrow.” Then I hold them in my mind, but make no attempt to write them down or plan out my path to success.

This year is a little different. I have already listed my resolutions and I really want to see myself succeed. But I have to organize myself first. I may be a couple weeks late, but better late than never?

So now that we have the first week under our belts, I pulled together some hints to help succeed in maintaining those resolutions through the power of organization.

The Science of Success: Personal Organization

Organization, for the most part, is the key to personal success.  When I think of organization, I think of action plans, to do lists, calendars, and apps that flash reminders on your phone. To be fair, that tends to be the gist of organization. But what does it mean to be organized?

Organization is about seeing both the big picture/end goal and breaking it down into its smaller, more manageable parts. 

College advisors have web pages that are filled with tips and tricks on how to organize yourself for academic success. Transferring these tips into a real world application, these are great ideas for personal organization and managing your resolutions.

Maintaining Resolution Success

The first step is to ask yourself: what is the most important goal I have for myself this year? Look at the resolution as the journey to the end-goal, not the end-goal itself. As  fellow blogger, My MS and Me, put it best: consider your resolution “aims”, not as a resolution. An aim seems more achievable, whereas a resolution has the stigma of failure attached to it.

Keep in mind: you don’t need to wait until January 1st to make changes. If the date is important to you, consider starting at the beginning of the month, or the beginning of the week. Otherwise, don’t wait a whole year. Start now.

Below are some steps for organizing your resolution/aims if you haven’t already done so:

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Lifestyle & Blogging

2017: A Reflection

2017 was a good year for me.

Like many years, it was filled with its ups and downs. If I had to weigh it any particularly way, I would say that it was mostly filled with good times. But as the year closes, it’s important to reflect on the ups and downs to see what lessons the year taught me so I can approach 2018 fully prepared.

The Down Points

  • At the beginning of the year I dealt with a lot of stress with my social media intake. I found that the news and posts I was reading caused me a lot of frustration and took time away from Jai because I would get emotionally worked up. I realized that I had an issue with my internet usage, though I haven’t made many strides to correct that, other than blocking social media temporarily as a form of self-care.
  • I had an Optic Neuritis flare-up in July, and while most of these flare-ups are caused by personal stress, I have no clue where it came from.  I was picking up a project again around that time and perhaps the stress of that caused my flare-up, but I still am not 100% sure of what happened.
  • After dropping sugar, I discovered that I have a sensitivity to sugar cane. When I had some simple syrup in a drink several months ago, I found that I got a massive headache, fatigue, and felt nauseous. It’s rather disappointing to discover that I may not be able to consume normal sugar again. But I suppose it’s a good thing.
  • When I fell off track with my eating habits I found that I feel a little bit heavier, emotionally down, and have a lot more fatigue that is probably MS related. I think that once I do a diet reset and stick to my lifestyle changes, I will feel a lot better and resolve the bloat, depression, and fatigue; proof that food is fuel and what I consume impacts how I feel.

The Positive Points

  • After my flare-up in July, I found out that the brain lesions I previously had disappeared. While I am not sure about the status of the lesions on my spine, I do count the fact that my brain healed itself as a massive second chance I had needed in dealing with MS.
  • In March, my insurance provider reached out to me as a new mother with an accountability program to help get me motivated with improving my health. It was from here that the seeds of change started to form in my mind. The coach I worked with helped got me back into the idea of running, pushing me to do the training for the half-marathon back in October.
  • So far, through all my hard work, I have lost a total of 27 pounds since I started my blog. I am lower than I was in high school, something I never thought I would see again. I am still holding onto the big number from my heaviest weight during pregnancy to now. I am hoping I will reach that goal by March 2018 and announce it here.
  • Watching Jai grow has been an amazing experience. I was looking at some pictures from one year ago and it’s so hard to believe that is the same little boy. He’s laughing, starting to talk, figuring things out, walking all over the place… he is no longer a baby, but a full-fledged toddler.
  • I have made some personal strides in managing my personal stress. Ash and I were discussing it today, while I still get stressed over some stuff, I am light years ahead of where I was last year. I am learning to let things go and not let things bother me the same way as before.

MS//Mommy

I think the biggest change for me this year is having this blog. While I had the accountability coach, I made this my ultimate accountability buddy. If I said I was going to do something here, I made sure to stick with it. If I faltered, I made sure to own up to it as well.

I am grateful for my friend, Lady, for making the suggestion that I create a blog to track my changes. I have always wanted to be a writer, but never really had the confidence in my abilities. This blog provides me with the cathartic outlet to write how I want to with no restrictions. It also appeals to my love of research and compilation.

I am hoping to see this blog grow into something greater, though I am not sure what that will look like yet.

What I’ve Learned

The number one takeaway from 2017 is to “let it all go.” There are plenty of things that do require my worry and concern, but I am realizing that there are plenty of other things that aren’t as important. My priority is my family and my health, and everything else is just extra. Recognizing the difference between the two allows me to let the correct stuff go.

All of this seems cliche, but sometimes it really does take a low-point or a second chance  to get the important moments of self-reflection and accept what they say to us. I didn’t think I could do anything to help manage my disease without medication because I “attempted” to do so in the past.

“Attempted” meaning I didn’t really try very hard. I said I would eat healthy, but I wasn’t actually motivated to make the necessary changes.

But once I realized that I wanted to teach Jai how to be healthy and that I wanted to be around for him (in an active capacity) when he’s older, I decided that I needed to push myself to make the deep, psychological and physiological changes I had wanted to do for so long. Let everything go: mental baggage, physical baggage, emotional baggage.

I feel the healthiest I’ve ever been going into a new year.

Where I Would Like to Be in 2018

  • I want to figure out what foods serve me best and which ones I should avoid indefinitely (or consume on special occasions). I have my suspicions, but I am hoping after spending 6 months away from perceived troublemakers will help provide me with insight of what I should and should not consume. The month of June will be spent testing foods out and seeing how I react to them.
  • I would like to see the entire year without a single flare-up while I am still off of medication. Unless Jai self-weans in 2018, I don’t anticipate starting up Tecfidera just yet. If I can make it the whole year without a flare-up and feeling better without additional medication (amantadine for energy, Ritalin for energy/focus), then I will feel like I have temporarily seized control over my health.
  • Even more relaxed and not stressed out over things. Maintaining the “let it go” attitude, but also beginning to allow myself to feel more comfortable with myself. I haven’t been comfortable being myself for a long time, and since I am taking all these strides to feel better physically, I need to feel better mentally and emotionally. Stop trying to hide my true self in order to please others.
  • Reconsider my internet usage. Working on MS//Mommy is important, but I feel I spend way too much time on my phone outside of that. I’ve already started using the Forest App as a means to keep me off of my phone when Jai is up and about. I will need to consider going on a phone fast at some point during the year to break some bad habits.
  • While I never anticipated losing weight when I started all of this, I now have a weight goal in mind and that’s solidly in the healthy BMI range (+/- some pounds to account for fluctuation). I am just outside the actual range and it’ll be a few pounds more to get me where I want to be. This is low-level goal – so in order to maintain my sanity I am not going to focus as heavily on it.

2018 as a Teaching Opportunity

I think 2018’s motto should be “keep letting it go, no distractions, and push forward.” 2018 is going to bring a lot for me to handle, like any year, but I need to stay focused on not stressing out on stuff but keep moving forward even when the going is tough.

I anticipate hitting numerous walls, which is the norm for any sort of self-reflective/lifestyle change. I need to not let it get to me and keep going even when I feel down. Down days are okay, but what I do with them makes all the difference.

Here’s to a new year.

Happy New Year, everyone. I hope it’s a good one.

Lifestyle & Blogging

Red Hats for Little Hearts

The holidays can be a stressful time for anyone and for those of us who craft, we tend to use that crafting skill as a cathartic outlet. For me, I have a lot of energy and so I crochet as a means to keep my hands busy and out of trouble.

It works most of the time.

I really enjoy making something for another person. I’ve made a Griffin, Phoenix, Lorax, and Scrump (from Lilo & Stitch) dolls for various friends and family members. The look of joy that comes on the receiver’s face always thrills me considering the time, thought, and effort put into the project.

Because this week’s theme is about generosity, I wanted to highlight a personal project my mom and I did with our crafting. The campaign is in February, so I wanted to provide enough time to raise awareness and give readers a chance to create something.

This year my mom mentioned that there is a program that collects handmade hats for newborns to raise awareness for heart health. February is heart health month in the United States, so this campaign is meant to raise heart health awareness for mothers and their newborn children by providing handmade hats for the little ones.

These hats will be distributed to local, participating hospitals to all babies born during the month of February.

How to Participate

This page provides all the necessary information, but here’s the quick run-down.

  • Find your state and select a group participating in the cause
  • You may need to contact the coordinator to get more information on how they want to receive the hats and their personal deadline
  • Make as many hats as you want and send them out before the deadline
  • If you are not a crafter or don’t have the time, consider donating to the American Heart Association

Restrictions

  • Hats will need to be simple, so please do not add any bows, pom-poms, or flowers to them (these pose choking hazards)
  • Currently this program is only in the United States, but I have a couple links below for other yarn-craft donation programs outside the States

Knitting Patterns

Crochet Patterns


Other Crafts for a Cause

If you make some hats (or participate in another project) be sure to post a picture of it in the comments below. I would love to see how they turn out!

Lifestyle & Blogging

The Science of Generosity

During the holiday season in the Western world, there is a mindset that people are to be generous with their time and money towards those who are less fortunate. A Christmas Carol is treated like a cautionary tale of what can happen if people pinch their pennies too much.

And to an extent, that is the case: in 2016, there was an upward trend in charitable gift giving with an estimation of $390 billion going to charitable causes, though this statistic isn’t isolated to a specific time of year. There are a number of reasons why people donate to charities at the end of the year: because it feels good, tax write-off, a cause of personal importance, appeal from a charity, etc. Though this survey points that none of these reasons were actually motivating factors and asks the readers why that might be the case.

We can only speculate what truly motivates people to give at the end of the year with this information, but my hope is because there is a feeling of generosity that permeates people during the holiday season. And there’s plenty of reasons why this might be the case.

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