assessing-2019-goals

Assessing 2019 Goals

We still have a few more weeks left in 2019, and I can’t believe it. This year flew by a lot faster than I care to admit. I was on the phone with a friend the other day, and they pointed out how close to the holidays we were. I realized I was in denial, but as much as I would like to think there are more weeks left in 2019, we are nearing the end.

To that end, I am trying to get ahead with my goals for 2020. But before I do that, I have to begin the process of assessing how my 2019 went. Before the commotion of the holidays is upon us, I encourage you also to take a few minutes to determine how your 2019 went. It might surprise you and give you a little extra pep going into the holiday.

My Self-Assessment

I created one primary goal and four minor goals that would work to help me achieve my main goal. I decided to keep it simple this year, as I was doing something I’ve never done before: work to stick to my goals.

For those signed up for the newsletter, what I am about to list out isn’t news. I kept my 2019 goals “private” amongst those who follow the MS Mommy Blog newsletter, but at the end of the year, I have no qualms about sharing them now. My primary goal for 2019: to lose 10 pounds over the year. My four minor goals to help me achieve this:

  1. Meal planning
  2. More cross-training
  3. Run a faster half marathon
  4. Work towards being less stressed overall

Surprisingly(?), I found a measure of success in four of my five goals. My primary goal: on January 5th, I recorded my weight at 141 pounds. As of a few days ago, I recorded my weight at 130 pounds, a weight I’ve held steady for several weeks. I had two reasons for the weight loss goal: one, to get me solidly in the healthy weight range according to the BMI. Two, to help me run faster races to help me achieve personal records.

I believe that the success of this primary goal is due to creating four smaller goals that worked towards it. Each one forced me to be mindful of my eating and exercise habits, and working towards a faster half marathon meant I needed to pull my weight down.

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Autumn Rest

For whatever reason, I struggle to write in November. I don’t know if it has something to do with the shift in weather, the pending holiday season, or writing burnout. But every November since I started this blog, I struggle to write. Additionally, dealing with Lytton’s health issues makes it hard to keep up with my weekly writing.

Rather than adding to my stress, I am following my own advice and engaging in self-care. I will be taking the month off from creating new content. If you are a newsletter subscriber, you will still get a new email each Friday morning. If you aren’t subscribed, it’s never too late to join the 2019 wellness challenge.

I will be revisiting some of my older posts for the month on the blog, updating the content with fresh thoughts when appropriate. Join me over at Facebook and Twitter for related articles to my posts.

I will re-start new content on December 2nd, so it won’t be a long wait. I have a gift for all my readers available for download towards the end of the holiday season, so be ready!

Have an excellent November, and I will see you in December.


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physical-appearance-with-chronic-illness

Changing Physical Appearance with a Chronic Illness

I’ve avoided addressing the elephant in the room since I started the year making personal wellness changes. It’s a sticky subject and somewhat challenging to address when it comes to a chronic illness. Chronic illness and/or disability make any meaningful physical changes difficult (if not impossible). If you are unable to move for more than a few minutes a day, then dedicating that time to exercise is furthest from your mind. Priorities change and addressing your physical appearance can drift towards the bottom of the list.

And that’s okay. Let’s move our intention away from changing our appearance, i.e., losing weight, and refocus on being healthy. Exercising does not need to be about losing weight, but about moving to help your body heal and thrive. Weight loss can become an added bonus, but not a goal.

I started the MS Mommy Blog to be a space where I detail my wellness journey into healthy living and eating. My journey was never about changing my physical appearance, it was strictly about setting a good example to Jai and taking advantage of a positive MRI result. I accepted the following three things: I would never dip below an overweight BMI, never have a body I would be proud of, and never find a source of natural energy.

Because of MS fatigue, I had little desire to go out in the blazing Southern sun and humidity to exercise. Eating was a pleasure I gave myself, especially when I was despondent post-diagnosis. I say all of this because I understand how hard it is to take the initial steps towards making physical changes, but it is possible to start the process no matter your ability levels.

What I am about to discuss is based solely on my personal experience and I am not an expert. Because this is based on anecdotal evidence, your own results will not match mine (and that’s okay). Everyone’s path looks different and that’s okay. Speak with your healthcare professional about your ability levels and any recommendations they might have for you.

Stuck in the Body

When coping with a chronic illness, we are stuck in our bodies.

If you are reading this with a chronic illness, you know this, but I say that for the benefit of those without a chronic illness. It’s easy for outsiders to forget that we are stuck with the body we are in, particularly if our illness is invisible. It’s in those moments we get the harmful comments of: “just get up and exercise,” “it’s in your head,” or “you don’t look sick.”

Getting those comments, and living in a culture where we often ignore invisible illness, makes any desire for change discouraging. We are stuck within numb, shaking, fatigue-ridden, weak bodies that don’t listen no matter how many times we yell at it.

Being stuck in a body is discouraging, especially when you see others chase after their physical goals. Or when you see people squandering their abilities. It’s even more frustrating when you start comparing yourself to others with your particular illness and see how they are able to be active ways you aren’t.

That’s where the first change needs to occur: stop comparing yourself to others. Those with a chronic illness and those without. And you have to stop listening to what people and culture tell you (this includes this blog).

The changes you decide to make must be in your time and in ways that work for you. Do not use this an excuse to not make the changes, you do want to take time to get healthier, but do it without any expectations beyond finding a way to feel better that complements your disease management course.

Determine what you can change & what you can’t

There is so much wisdom in knowing what you can change and what you cannot. There are aspects to our bodies we cannot change unless we had unlimited income, and even that’s limited.

The key is to figure out what is changeable and what you have to accept will be a part of you unless certain circumstances change. Once you know what you can change, then you have to decide how much you want to focus on it and how much of it you’ll put into the “secondary” goal category.

Everyone can lose weight, but do you want that to be a primary goal or something that happens as a side effect to being able to move more?

For some, the idea of losing weight is emotionally painful, so that should not be the first physical goal you make. Instead, if your healthcare professional recommends moving more as a means to help manage your illness, then consider adding a fifteen-minute walk in each day and build up to thirty.

Or if you are advised to cut a particular food from your diet for health reasons, rather than seeing it as a loss, view it as a challenge to figure out how to make alternatives to your favorite foods.

When you make the changes you can and frame them in more manageable ways, you should notice secondary benefits. When I cut sugar from my diet, I was shocked at how much weight I unintentionally lost.

Choosing Health

Focusing on physical appearance and any changes you want to make is discouraging. If you had a weight loss goal for this year, are you still sticking to it? Or have you given up on it entirely?

Revisit your goal if you’ve dropped it and refocus it to be about your health. Don’t think about the pounds you want to lose, but how you want to feel by the end of 2019. Not all of the suggestions below are about weight loss, but about finding ways to adapt to your chronic illness:

  • If your illness prevents you from walking more than five minutes at a time if you can safely do it, why not see if you can add on a minute or two?
  • If your weight prevents you from doing basic chores, why not focus on one chore to do and do it well?
  • If you are mostly bed bound and you want to get more exercise, consider small hand weights or a resistance band for twenty minutes a day.
  • If you want to eat healthier, why not consider dropping one sugary or unhealthy snack in your day? If you find you’re hungry, consider adding in water or some other healthy alternative.

All of these changes are small, and if you are getting started, that’s all they need to be. For myself, I found that small changes snowball into bigger ones because I was encouraged by my results to keep moving forward.

Learning to Love your Body

Before you reach your personal health goals, the first thing you need to work on doing is loving your body as it is, warts and all. This includes accepting the chronic illness that inhabits your body. You don’t have to like that it’s there, but just accept that it’s a part of you and you need to adapt around it.

When you take the time to accept your body as it currently is, in this very moment, it takes the pressure off of yourself. When you don’t meet your goals for the day, you can say to yourself “that’s okay, there’s always tomorrow and these things take time.”

Don’t take this as an opportunity to slack off, you still want to work towards making healthy changes, but you don’t need to put as much pressure on yourself that you might feel you need.

Additionally, when you learn to love your body in its current state, you no longer seek validation from outside sources. We look to media and others as opportunities to compare and rarely do we measure up. If we have friends and family influencing our decisions because of a snarky response, we may get sidetracked.

Rather, say to yourself: I am doing this for me, I am doing this to be healthy, and I am doing this because I want to make a change. Then mentally give the middle finger to those who want to keep you down.


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Featured photo credit: Jennifer Burk on Unsplash


importance-of-self-reflection

The Importance of Self-Reflection

After spending a successful month discussing #MSAwareness, it’s time to get back on track with our wellness journey. In January, we covered the importance of self-improvement with a chronic illness; and in February, discussed using self-compassion to work through difficult personal goals. This month, we’re moving onto the importance of self-reflection.

Self-reflection needs to be included when taking the time to make improvements. We need to ask ourselves important personal questions: why start the journey, why it’s important, what we want to achieve, among other important questions to ask. When we know the answer to these questions, we know how to continue forward.

I will frame most of this month through the lens of chronic illness, with my main example being MS. Chronic illness greatly impacts the questions we must ask ourselves and the honest answers we need to give.

What is Self-Reflection

Simply put, self-reflection is taking a few moments to examine your life from a distance. This internal reflection includes: why you think certain thoughts, why you feel a certain way, or the way you react to situations. An external reflection includes: your life as it is, who surround yourself with, and your professional (or lack of) life as it stands.

This practice of self-reflection goes as deep or as superficial as you want. In fact, it’s rather natural for us to do it on an unconcious level. Without even thinking, I take a moment or two of self-reflection every day. Prior to embracing self-compassionate, all self-reflection tended to be negative, but now I am more forgiving.

If you practice religion or spirituality, your prayers or meditation are forms of self-reflection. When speaking to your higher power with a request or desiring a connection to them, their response or your internal monologue functions as self-reflection. In meditation, your thoughts lead you down a reflective path.

The Science

Bringing in science, self-reflection is one of the most important things you can do for yourself if you want success in your goals. Self-reflection gives an honest assessment of yourself and your life. Many successful people take time to check in with themselves a frequent basis. Are they happy with their success or is there more they can do? What didn’t work with that last task that they should fix for next time? Why am I feeling self-doubt even though I know this can succeed?

Self-reflect is not a one-size-fits-all sort of thing, but it will get you on the path you need to find personal success with your goals.

Psychologically speaking, self-reflection is critical for success in goal-making and goal-keeping. It helps a person to recognize the difference between their goal and not completing it, and then taking the necessary steps to complete their personal goals. Self-reflection, like stress, can push a person into moving forward to succeed.

The Importance of Self-Reflection

As a woman who grew up in New England, I find it difficult to be comfortable with the “selfish” practice of inward reflection. I am afraid of the negative stigma attached to any “self-serving” behaviors. When taking a moment for yourself, you are neglecting others or prioritizing your needs above theirs.

Despite the current cultural push to encourage women to be focused on their needs, I grew up in an in-between space that discouraged female empowerment and encouraged it. So it’s confusing to want to do selfish things to become a better person.

Let’s be honest: Self-reflection is a rather selfish exercise. It’s important and necessary if you want to make positive life changes.

  • You check in with yourself and your goals
  • Pushes you forward and provides motivation when you start to lose momentum
  • Grants the necessary time to approach a problem objectively rather than from an emotional standpoint
  • Provides the necessary perspective to ourselves and goals
  • Gives you the opportunity to learn on a deeper and more lasting level
  • Challenges (in a positive way) your deep-set beliefs

We will be slowly working through self-reflection this month: from dealing with a chronic illness, parenting, tips for practicing self-awareness, and acknowledging how difficult it will be to engage in self-reflection and how to manage it.

If you haven’t already, please sign up for the MS Mommy Blog Newsletter. In the newsletter you’ll gain access to exclusive posts and content not available publicly on the site.


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Featured photo credit: Randy Jacob on Unsplash


Importance of Self-Improvement and Chronic Illness

Chronic Illness & the Importance of Self-Improvement

Why is it important to consider self-improvement if you have a chronic illness?

There’s no real easy answer because everyone’s situation is different. For some, every day is a chore to get out of bed and just manage the disease. The thought of making positive changes in life is a luxury.  Wrapping one’s head around life-changes can be overwhelming because life-changes implies big goals and grand changes.

But, what if I said it didn’t need to be? That perhaps we are all too focused on the implied definition of self-improvement rather than its actual definition? A definition that simply means making personal changes.

That’s what this year is about: acknowledging that taking the time to make minor changes in a positive direction is just as meaningful in the desire to self-improve as making the bigger ones.

Today, let’s reshape our definition of what is self-improvement into something more manageable. More meaningful and more personal.

Altering Our Impressions

In the Western world, self-improvement or self-help is heavily marketed to consumers. If you had a TV as a child, you’ve grown up knowing that around this time of year commercials promoting diets and weight-loss supplements increase.  Read magazines? Ads and articles abound about the various ways to improve your life.

Daily, there are subtle and not-so-subtle ways for the industry to pull you in and want to make changes so you can “live your best life.

Many of these offers come with the caveat: “you can only make these improvements if you buy x,y, z book.” Which leads to a near $10 billion industry.

Does that make self-help/self-improvement a scam? Not necessarily, but you have to be mindful of who you turn to for help. There are scammers that peddle modern-day snake oil and scientifically unsound therapies, but there are plenty of legitimate options to guide a user through the process.

That said, self-help is an industry. Therefore it’s in the industry’s best interest to keep consumers coming back month-after-month; year-after-year. If it feels like self-improvement goals always seem so big, i.e. “I want to lose 50 pounds in six months!” or “I am going to do something new and exciting every day this year!” that’s because there’s this nebulous goal-making process that does very little to encourage participants into smaller and more manageable goals.

There are some programs that encourage breaking goals down into more manageable chunks, but unfortunately, they aren’t as loud as a reality star on TV telling you to buy their product for massive weight-loss. Or the social media influencer who shows off how perfectly they are meeting their self-improvement goals.

If you have a chronic illness, seeing these examples can be extremely discouraging. If getting any form of exercise is a struggle due to mobility issues, watching someone on social media demonstrate “8 easy exercises to tighten that butt” is not appealing nor realistic. Sure, I might want a nice butt, but none of those exercises are doable.

Where might there be motivation to make any changes if your body is already working against you?

This is why looking for the more realistic programs is important. But, the realistic programs get lost in the social media cacophony which leads to the impression that only big changes can be made when we want to commit to self-improvement.

Goals do not need to be huge, they can be as small as taking one step-a-day, or eating 50 calories less, or even saying one positive affirmation to ourselves when we wake up. Goal creation is about starting the process towards self-improvement and allowing it to build on itself. Forward momentum will move you towards greater personal success as time goes by.

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