My Personal Goals for 2019

I originally published this post privately to my newsletter subscribers. For 2020, I wanted to share some of the posts my subscribers received in 2019.


On Wednesday, I discussed setting attainable personal goals by using the S.M.A.R.T. model for goal creation. I shared one of my small goals for the year, which was getting more organized with dinner planning, but that was just one small goal I came up for 2019. 

For 2019, I have 5 goals. My resolution lists tend to be one-goal long, but in my year of wellness, I am going to be more ambitious.

I am so ambitious because when I was fifteen I imagined where my life would be when I turned thirty-five. I had a very specific vision for myself professionally, but I also had a vision of where I would be emotionally and mentally. I always admired people who were relaxed, well-balanced, and seemed to exude positivity while not allowing negativity to cloud their behaviors.

I viewed them as healthy (physically & mentally) and well-adjusted. In my teenage mind, it was light years away from my reality and I wanted to be healthy “when I grew up.” Thirty-five was such an arbitrary age to pick at the time, but I think it gave me twenty years of experience and practice to become that ideal person. 

Last week I turned thirty-five and I realized several months ago that I was inadvertently working towards my teenage goal through the blog.  Now that thirty-five was here, I decided to make the commitment to become who I felt I was meant to be.

This desire to be my “best self” does not require me to fundamentally change who I am, I believe that anyone can be healthy & balanced emotionally & mentally, but pull out what is already there. I have had more moments of healthier behaviors since starting this journey, so this is a matter of augmenting and encouraging the healthy stuff while minimizing the negative stuff that caused me to be stuck in the past.

This isn’t a journey about perfection, but recognizing my imperfections and no longer allowing them to hold weight in my life. It is a journey about the actualization of a lifelong goal.

How I will Achieve This: the Main Goal

My ultimate goal of becoming a healthier person is rather intangible, so I have break it down into smaller, more tangible goals. As mentioned in Monday’s post, making an intangible goal like happiness or becoming a better person shouldn’t be the primary goal, but secondary to other more measurable goals.

I want one large goal that will take the entire year to achieve and four small goals that will work towards this goal in some way. Everything works together to ensure success by the end of this year.

My main goal for 2019 is to lose 10 pounds.

While this has little to do with the concept of living my best life at thirty-five, it does mean that in order to successfully achieve weight loss, I will need to make internal changes that increase my chances of success.

I have to be satisfied with my disease management, find inner peace, set an external goal to work towards, and work towards minimizing my stress. By doing these internal, secondary changes, my main goal shouldn’t be as big of an issue.

Think of losing 10 pounds as a red herring. Not really my main goal, but it’s what drives me to get to me where I want to be.

Don’t worry, this wellness challenge is not going to focus on weight loss, this is my own personal goal. I will not be pushing weight loss throughout the year and my discussion about weight will be at a minimum. All examples used will be more focused on chronic illness and other aspects of life.

Smaller Goals for 2019

The other four goals I have will be broken up in 3-month chunks for deadlines. While it will be good for me to be mindful of all my goals throughout the year, I staggered them apart to build on each other. 

  1. Meal Planning  – Done by April
  2. Do more yoga or cross-training during the week – Scheduled and done consistently by July
  3. Run a faster 1/2 marathon – I have a half marathon planned for November (but able to determine my speed by October)
  4. Work towards being more stress-free – End of December

As you can see, each of these goals ties in some fashion with my year-long goal. If I plan my meals better, I am more likely to eat healthier. More cross-training means I will be exercising more often. Run a faster 1/2 marathon is a measurable goal of success, and being more stress-free means less chance of emotional eating (which can put on extra weight).

Actualizing a Lifelong Goal

These goals create a situation where the secondary benefit is becoming a healthier person, emotionally and mentally. I am taking my abilities and limitations into account: I have found that with more physical activity, the more relaxed I am throughout the day. When I manage my time well, I am less likely to have a short-temper when dealing with others. When I do more yoga, I feel a deeper connection and compassion towards everyone and myself. Finally, when I work towards being less-stressed, I am more content with my life and MS diagnosis.

Through the work of these seemingly unrelated goals, I will become that healthier person I imagined for myself at fifteen.


Like this post? Make sure to follow me on your favorite social media platform and show some love by sharing it. Links found below.

Advertisements

2019-a-reflection

2019: A Reflection

For the past two years, I’ve written a reflection for the last post of the year. Read 2017 here and 2018 here.


2019 was the year of the crucible. I underwent a lot of “lessons” in life; some brought on via self-reflection and others brought on by the natural flow of life. I learned a lot about myself, my capabilities, and where I see myself going in the future. In the three years, I’ve done these posts, it was the most challenging year emotionally, but the easiest year relating to my MS.

The Down Points

  • From October to December, I encountered some of the most challenging months in my adult life. These months rivaled my diagnosis with all the emotional upheaval. I lost Lytton in November, one of my forms of emotional support, while dealing with other challenges at the time. It felt piled on.
  • I continued to do a lot of heavy self-reflection, particularly with my role in my relationships and anger. The self-reflection often left me drained, but I am getting better at managing both. 
  • While I am getting better with my time management, I still struggle to get ahead on my work and stay ahead. With the past few months of upheaval, I’ve fallen drastically behind on several projects. I am struggling to get back into the swing of things. Additionally, I am grappling with being kind to myself because of this lag. I am seeing missed time as time wasted.
  • I am fighting against a victim mentality that crops up when experiencing a downcycle. My cat passed, I am falling behind, I am struggling to achieve goals, etc. – all played into previous internal tapes of “woe was me.” I have moments where I curl up in bed with a book or my phone to escape, but I try to set myself a timer to break out of it and be productive again, even if it’s with one task.
  • This last one needs to be at the end because it straddles a down point and positive point: getting back on my medicationThe down aspects of getting back on Tecfidera: it definitively means Ash and I are stopping with Jai for children, it’s a physical acknowledgment of my MS, and the pain I am about to undergo with the first month of side effects. 

The Positive Points

  • I decided to re-start my medication because I knew it was the right thing to do for my health. By re-starting Tecfidera, I am creating a more significant buffer between my well-being and my MS. It is an insurance policy to help me manage my MS when I have another downcycle of stress/emotional change. It’s also a physical acknowledgment, to myself, that my health is worth it.
  • I rediscovered my love of reading this year. It’s been over ten years since I sat down and read a book for pleasure. While in graduate school, I was afraid of wasting time on pleasure books when I could be doing research. I also found that graduate school temporarily blocked my love of reading because of all the heavy lifting I did. But I vowed to read more for the blog, so I started with audiobooks and graduated back into the physical medium. As I started getting into depths of the emotional upheaval that was this fall, I read more to escape. I found reading to be a soothing distraction, educational at times, and it also sets an excellent example for Jai. I plan to continue to read more in the coming year.
  • While my time-management was less than ideal, I learned that the more organized I am, the more satisfied I feel. I also found that I am less stressed if I have a flexible plan in place. I am less likely to put things off, though I still have my moments of procrastination. If anything, I learned that I am one of those people who benefit from structure, minimalism, and organization.
  • Last year I contemplated the role toxic friendships played in my life while feeling frustrated that a lot of my relationships had harmful elements. I recognized I stacked my friendship cards against me by rejecting or minimally pursuing positive relationships in my life. This year, I opened myself up to new relationships while maintaining my sense of self, something I hadn’t done before. Because of it, current friendships grew more profound, and I made a bunch of new friends along the way. 
  • My running took off this year. I ran in three different states (Florida, Nevada, and Wisconsin), and even PR’d on a half marathon, almost making it below two hours. I officially decided that I would begin the process of qualifying for the Boston Marathon. While I have a long way to go (like running a marathon in the first place), it’s a goal I’ve created for myself to see what I can achieve. I think my running has helped me manage my MS and my emotional well-being, along with getting me in a healthier space.
  • While it hasn’t been my most traveled year, I did get around the country quite a bit for 2019. I traveled to Florida for a Walt Disney World running weekend in January; I went to Las Vegas for my best friend’s birthday in March; and to Wisconsin twice (July & November) to visit with my in-laws. It was a year filled with a lot of new experiences, which I enjoyed very much.
Read More

assessing-2019-goals

Assessing 2019 Goals

We still have a few more weeks left in 2019, and I can’t believe it. This year flew by a lot faster than I care to admit. I was on the phone with a friend the other day, and they pointed out how close to the holidays we were. I realized I was in denial, but as much as I would like to think there are more weeks left in 2019, we are nearing the end.

To that end, I am trying to get ahead with my goals for 2020. But before I do that, I have to begin the process of assessing how my 2019 went. Before the commotion of the holidays is upon us, I encourage you also to take a few minutes to determine how your 2019 went. It might surprise you and give you a little extra pep going into the holiday.

My Self-Assessment

I created one primary goal and four minor goals that would work to help me achieve my main goal. I decided to keep it simple this year, as I was doing something I’ve never done before: work to stick to my goals.

For those signed up for the newsletter, what I am about to list out isn’t news. I kept my 2019 goals “private” amongst those who follow the MS Mommy Blog newsletter, but at the end of the year, I have no qualms about sharing them now. My primary goal for 2019: to lose 10 pounds over the year. My four minor goals to help me achieve this:

  1. Meal planning
  2. More cross-training
  3. Run a faster half marathon
  4. Work towards being less stressed overall

Surprisingly(?), I found a measure of success in four of my five goals. My primary goal: on January 5th, I recorded my weight at 141 pounds. As of a few days ago, I recorded my weight at 130 pounds, a weight I’ve held steady for several weeks. I had two reasons for the weight loss goal: one, to get me solidly in the healthy weight range according to the BMI. Two, to help me run faster races to help me achieve personal records.

I believe that the success of this primary goal is due to creating four smaller goals that worked towards it. Each one forced me to be mindful of my eating and exercise habits, and working towards a faster half marathon meant I needed to pull my weight down.

Read More

identifying-wellness-changes

Identifying Wellness Changes

So often I get caught up with what’s going on in my life, at the moment, that I don’t take the time to step back and appreciate my development as a person. It’s easy not to recognize how we’ve grown as a person, partly because we are too close to the situation.

Or, more often is the case for me, I don’t reflect on the changes I’ve made and assume I am staying in one place. I presume that I am not experiencing growth because I don’t think of identifying my maturation. If I am bogged down with routine, I take for granted the moments where I behave differently than in the past. I miss seeing the benefit I am getting from my wellness changes.

It’s essential to appreciate the changes we’ve made, no matter how minuscule they might seem, because any change in a positive direction is a great start.

Identifying Changes

Back in February, I devoted a whole month to self-reflection. If we want to see what changes we’ve made throughout this year, we have to dive back into the self-reflection process. Hopefully, this will be less painful than a full-assessment of ourselves. If we feel like we haven’t done a lot of internal work this year, there might be a hesitation to self-reflect because of shame.

Unfortunately, we’ll have to push through those feelings of shame. At the end of the year, take a few moments to reflect on the positive. When your mind drifts into negative thinking, find something positive you did recently, and see what motivated you to do it. 

How will you know a change you made throughout the year is a positive one?

When making wellness goals, we often say things like: I want to exercise more, eat healthier, feel more satisfied, etc. And we’ve been through this cycle before: after making changes, two things happen. We “Fail,” as in, we give up. Or, we “fail” because we don’t notice changes quick enough, and feel like we are wasting time. 

It’s the lower-case “fail,” that we are examining today. Chances are if you don’t notice any positive changes in your life for the year, you didn’t fail. You just aren’t looking hard enough at what you have done. If you are continuing with your changes, despite not seeing the results that you want on time, consider this: you are sticking with it, and that counts as a success.

The entire point of this blog is tracking my wellness journey with MS as I wait to restart my medication. I wanted to get healthy to help manage my flare-ups and to provide a positive example to Jai. There are plenty of days where I don’t think I’ve made a difference in my life. I don’t see the results, so I assume I am spinning my wheels.

These last two months are proof that I’ve made changes, and the changes are working for me. I wrote about Lytton’s health issues at the end of October, and less than a month later, we had to say goodbye. The week we put him to sleep was stressful, surpassing the week I spent in the hospital utterly clueless about what was wrong with me, pre-diagnosis.

Not counting watching Lytton suffering through the final hours of his ailment, I fell from running the week before, Jai was sick, I had a mild infection, stress of an upcoming trip, and wondering when I would find time to catch up on the blog like I planned. Spoiler: I never caught up by evidence on the tardiness of this post.

When the dust started to settle, about a week or so later, I took a moment and realized something. I did not experience a flare-up. Given the amount of stress I was under, all the various negative moments I experienced, I was relatively calm and no indication of a flare-up.

I was pleased with myself. I weathered a hurricane of adverse events that, at any other point in my life, would have left me feeling defeated. I acknowledged that there are cycles in life where it feels like everything is piling on. I am in that cycle, but it will end, and I have to stay calm until then. I can’t fight life, as fighting will cause more stress. If I remain steadfast, acknowledge the feelings of frustration or sadness as they come up, and keep moving forward, I won’t drown in self-defeat.

Additionally, I experienced relapses for less. Granted, I still have a few days here and there where I want to stay in bed for a few hours over Lytton’s loss, but I know it’s coming more from depression and not from my MS. The fact that I am still managing my MS without medication and not undergoing a relapse shows me that the changes I made are working. 

Hopefully, you aren’t experiencing a down cycle where life is piling on to show you the effectiveness of your life changes. But I hope you take this away from the post: even if you don’t notice the changes working, chances are you are in a better space than you were before you started.


Like this post? Make sure to follow me on your favorite social media platform and show some love by sharing it. Links found below.

Featured photo credit: Canva


reflecting-on-wellness-journey

Reflecting on a Wellness Journey

December. We’ve reached the end of our wellness journey for the year. Now it’s time to start reflecting all we’ve accomplished. It’s hard to believe that 2019 is coming to a close; it feels like it was just January. Time marches forward, and we are looking at a new year in a few short weeks.

If you joined me on this wellness journey or participating on one of your own, it’s crucial to look back on all you’ve done these past eleven months. Doing so recognizes the changes you’ve made that work, see the changes you still need to make, and figure out your next step in life. It grants you awareness and validation for what you’ve been through, even if it feels like you’ve moved backward. Chances are, you haven’t moved back, just forwards at a slower rate.

For the rest of December, we’ll be spending some time reflecting on 2019 in anticipation of 2020. Hopefully, together, we can see our progress and feel good that we’ve made it through another year. Who knows what the new year will bring?

New opportunities, new chances, or new outlooks on our health.


Like this post? Make sure to follow me on your favorite social media platform and show some love by sharing it. Links found below.

Featured photo credit: Canva