labor-day-2019

Labor Day 2019

As is the MS Mommy Blog tradition, we shall be taking Labor Day off. From our family to yours, may you have an enjoyable and reflective long weekend.

Look for a regular post on Wednesday.


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celebrate-life

Celebrate Life

Today I wanted to focus on celebrating the big things since we discussed celebrating the small stuff on Monday. So, why not go for the most significant thing worthy of our celebration, and that’s life itself? Why not celebrate life?

Living with a chronic illness makes celebrating life hard, but it can be done. We might wish things were different, hope that we were healthy. But let’s be honest: if we were healthy, there would be something else to make celebrating life difficult. It’s in our nature to skew towards the negative.

We all wish for what we don’t have, no matter how rich or healthy we might be. We are always desirous of something, and with that, we sometimes forget the most important thing out there: that we have our lives.

Using Mallory Smith as an example, let us celebrate each day despite the setbacks we encounter.

Appreciating Victories (Big and Small)

Each day we wake up is a small victory. If you wake up with no pain, a victory. If you wake up with no exacerbation, a victory. If everything is going well, then that’s a victory! That is a moment worthy of celebration.

Maybe you don’t take each (relatively) good moment for granted, but there might be moments where you forget. I often forget to appreciate the exacerbation-free days. I am reminded to recognize them when I am in the middle of a particularly frustrating exacerbation episode. At that point, it’s too late. I am in the past, appreciating what I had; or in the future when the event is over.

Neither of these options is ideal because I am struggling to maintain my mindfulness practice, which can help me manage my discomfort and stress.

It’s difficult to appreciate life with a chronic illness. The absolute uncertainty of when we’ll experience a flare-up is frustrating. Deep in the moments of an exacerbation brings us to the breaking point. Yet, we have to press on. The moments our illness minimally impacts us are worth appreciating.

Allow yourself to celebrate the mundane. Try not to feel weird about it because it’s something everyone, healthy or chronically ill, should do. Celebrate over social media if you need to, let others know what’s going on in your life but do not worry about getting validation. You probably won’t get it, or you’ll get a negative person trying to bring you down. Ignore them because it’s your celebration. Not theirs. If it’s important to you and you are the only one who matters.

Putting it into Perspective

A few months after my diagnosis, I was in the position of being “at least I’m not them,” for some stranger. It was not a good feeling to be the subject of someone else’s perspective-check. Yet, it’s a mindfulness exercise, recognizing that while your life might not be where you want it, there is always someone worse off than you.

To put it into context: I was in group therapy at the time, and it was my final session. As I was doing the “graduating out” exercises, the person taking my spot overlapped and was in their first session, seated beside me. I described my life with MS, how I was coming to terms with it, and I noticed this new person writing furiously in their journal.

I later learned that it was poor form for the facilitator to allow the journal into this safe space.

Curiosity overcame me, and since they were sitting next to me, I peeked over to see what was on the paper. I saw the words “…she has MS, at least that’s not me. I am lucky not to be her.” I was humiliated to see those words. No one else in the group had MS, so it was clearly about me. I could feel my anger towards this person rise and towards myself for being put into a position of pity.

Was that a breach of privacy to peek at what they wrote? Perhaps, but they didn’t exactly try to hide what they were writing. The journal was wide open and tilted towards me. Not knowing this person or their situation, it’s possible they wanted me to see what they wrote.

I recognize the importance this practice plays in our lives. It allows us to acknowledge that while our situation is not ideal, we could have it worse. Often it is said to us by others either as a means to comfort us or get us to be quiet about our situation.

So it’s a mixed bag as to whether this type of perspective check is healthy or not. I am not going to endorse it one way or the other beyond recognizing the importance of maintaining perspective.

For this person, perhaps I was able to provide small comfort in their life. It was incredibly humiliating and yet positively humbling. It would take a few more years before I had a better perspective, but I learned at that moment that I am not as perfect as I thought I was. It humanized me to myself. I know that sounds weird, but for years, I had an inflated sense of self as a coping mechanism. I was out of touch with reality, and this private journal entry broke through that.

It gave me perspective in a different way that it gave the writer perspective. I suspect, given what I remember of what little they shared about themselves, I probably gained more from the whole experience than them.

Mindful of the Moment

Practicing mindfulness is a chance for us to appreciate life.

When we celebrate the moment, at the moment, everything melts away. I am fortunate enough to spend a week or two on the shores of Lake Michigan every year. Looking out at the endless watery horizon, I can put everything aside and focus on that moment, staring off into the distance. It grants me an opportunity to put my life into perspective, but also recognize how fortunate I am.

We may not be able to spend a few moments in a place conducive to personal reflection, but we can spend time being mindful of our life. We can appreciate being able to breathe on our own; our ability to walk or if we can’t, the tools available to us so we can remain mobile; and we can appreciate the support network available to us, regardless of its size.

Take time to connect with the ground beneath your feet, the chair you sit in, or your bed. If you connect with the earth, reflect on all the other people who stood in that spot throughout time. Feel a connection to the faceless masses over several millennia. The animals, the plants, and all of life that experienced the same place you are in right now. Feeling that connection to others, allows you to feel a connection to life itself.

Celebrate that life.

It’s typically in these moments I feel small, but not in a negative way. I recognize my space and place in the universe. My existence is not even a blip in time or space. My problems, concerns, and worries will not matter in the end.

What is important is what I do with my blip in time.

Celebrate Life

Take some time to celebrate your life, as it is, no matter where you are in life. Put it into proper perspective, experience the benefits of mindfulness, and take time to decide how you want to spend your time. Do you want to engage in negativity beyond healthy expressions, or do you want to enjoy the time you do have, as imperfect as it may seem?

Choosing to celebrate life will help you feel better, lower stress, and find the personal satisfaction you might be searching for, despite your chronic illness.


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Featured photo credit: Canva


appreciating-the-small-things

Appreciating the Small Things

One afternoon, Jai and I walked to meet Ash at work. In the middle of the walkway was a considerable Skink that I almost stepped on because I wasn’t paying attention. This was the second time I almost got this little guy because I tend to be single-focused to keep Jai moving along. Each time I almost step on the little lizard, I feel bad. They are just sitting there, on the sidewalk, appreciating the midday sun. As the Skink scuttles off to avoid my feet, I give a moment of appreciation for them. Here, in a major metropolitan area, is a reminder of nature and a moment to appreciate the small things in life.

Now that I am aware that this is the Skink’s favorite sunning spot, Jai and I keep a lookout for him each time we visit Ash. It’s an opportunity for Jai to learn more about his local ecology, and me to appreciate its size and coloring. With a toddler, each Skink-sized stick is our sunning friend, and each little Skink discovered is the big one’s “baby.”

Watching Jai get so excited over discovery is one of the sweeter moments of parenthood. These are the moments he and I treasure, but often get lost in daily life. I have chores to do, posts to write, and training to manage, that I often forget the importance of slowing down and appreciating the little moments.

Appreciating the small things in life is so integral to de-stressing and finding inner satisfaction.

Don’t Get Bogged Down

Appreciating the small things is not an opportunity to practice avoidance. Sometimes, we use little details as an excuse to procrastinate. Try not to get so bogged down in the minutia that you lose focus of your goals. You may even miss the more significant moments worthy of our appreciation when we focus too strictly on the small stuff.

That said, it’s essential to strike a balance between the little and big things in life. Take time to appreciate the moments you might overlook, but don’t let that consume you. On Wednesday, I will focus on the more significant parts of life worthy of our appreciation.

Grateful for the Little Stuff

How do you determine that something is worthy of appreciation? Why is it important to appreciate?

If the moment or experience strikes a positive response from you, it is worthy of appreciation. Looking at a cute dog walking down the street is an opportunity to appreciate living alongside our canine companions. Hearing a child’s unbridled laughter across the store is a moment to enjoy living in the moment like a child. Seeing a stranger do something kind for you or another stranger is a moment to appreciate the kindness in the world.

These are three moments we might miss or not devote the level of appreciation they deserve. If we want to rewire our brain, take the time to be mindful, and show gratitude in the small things is another area to start. Engage in the feelings a dog, child, or stranger brings up in you. A dog might make you feel good because of how cute it is. A child’s laughter might make you feel good because it reminds you of positive childhood experiences. A random act of kindness might make you feel good because it reaffirms your faith in humanity.

These are all moments of mindfulness. The small things in life tend to only happen in the current moment, so when they arrive, embrace these moments and appreciate life as it currently is. Not how you wish it would be, or your past. These little moments keep us from focusing on the negative that bog us down.

If we are busy appreciating the little things, we do not leave room to focus on the negative.

Take the rest of the day to find moments to appreciate. Observe others behaving kindly. Enjoy a stranger’s happiness. Give your companion animal an extra scratch and take comfort in the feel of their fur (or scales, or feathers).

Find some time today to appreciate the little things in life and see how they add up to the richness and positivity of your day.


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Featured photo credit: Canva


MS Mommy Blog

For the month of November, I am taking each day to highlight some element in my life that I want to express my gratitude about. This could be something deeply personal or just a passing appreciation for something more superficial. 


In my final post focusing on things I am grateful for, I wanted to spend some time talking about the blog itself.

I started the blog back in September 2017 without any real plan or fully formed goal in mind. I just wanted to have a space to discuss my healthy living plans and how it worked out for me, but with no real long-term intentions. While I still consider this blog in its early stages, it’s refocused into something more: space where I can talk about my MS, my healthy living goals, and an honest discussion of my self-improvement journey.

As I enter my second year of blogging, I’ve come up with more concrete goals and plans to re-focus the blog into something more meaningful and deeper purpose.

This blog has helped me to maintain my sense of self and reconnect with a childhood dream and for that, I am grateful for the blog’s existence.

Childhood Dreams

When I was a little girl I watched the Wonderworks Anne of Green Gables over and over again. I wanted to be exactly like Anne Shirley, a writer when I was older. In my mind, I would be a fiction writer of some sort, the dream evolving into the direction of a fantasy author similar to Martin or Eddings. With that goal in mind, I focused my education so I could become a writer, I took a bunch of creative writing classes in High School, got my undergraduate in creative writing, and when I went to graduate school, chose literature so I could teach for a living and write in my spare time.

Life, as I have said many times in my posts, got in the way and caused me to get sidetracked. I felt worn down and defeated when it came to my writing because I felt I was never going to be good enough to get published. I had ideas, I felt like I had some talent, but I couldn’t compete with what was out there. The market evolved and changed from my childhood and the need for novelists diminished. Those in the field had to be good. I didn’t believe I would ever be good enough.

Graduate school didn’t help because it re-trained my creative writing and focused on the academic-bend. This made my writing and writing process clinical and focused on the technical aspects of writing. No longer could my writing be organic, but it had to be planned out. It did, however, help train me to write under the pressure of a deadline. I am grateful for that.

Best Laid Plans…

I just assumed that my dreams of becoming a published author were just that: dreams. I would end up teaching until I retired and then I would reconsider writing as a second career.

I defined “being a writer” on the fiction side of writing. To me, while I am a fan of non-fiction authors like David Sedaris, a writer was someone who published fiction novels. I wanted to be like Anne Shirley and get a novel published. Fiction writer. Next “great American novel.” That sort of thing.

My ego wasn’t lacking.

So any other writing I did outside of fiction didn’t count in my mind. I viewed my blog writing similar to my academic writing: very clinical with some points here and there to make it more interesting, but not really writing. It wasn’t until a conversation Ash had with me a few months ago that it clicked in my head:

Ash: You’re a writer.
Me: What? No. No, I am not.
Ash: Yes you are! What are you doing?
Me: Writing.
Ash: And…
Me:…
Me:…
Me: I suppose it does count.
Ash: Of course it counts.
Me: Huh. I guess I am a writer.

It wasn’t a loud “aha” moment, more of a slow realization. Ash was right, I was a writer. I have been writing several thousand words a week, writing even more than I did in graduate school. More than when I wrote on my own in my youth. I was writing for myself and what I wanted to write about and that made a huge difference.

I had realized my childhood dream of writing for a living even if it took a different route and form I originally anticipated. That doesn’t mean I can’t spend time working on my more creative pieces, I can foster that on the side. But I can officially say that I am a writer because of my blog.

A Creative Accountability Buddy

What MS//Mommy has done the most for me is keeping me accountable to my plans and goals. I post about what I want to do health-wise and I find that knowing it’s out there helps keep me honest and focused. When I slip up, I try to post about it, but I feel like I am less likely to slip up because I have put my intentions out there.

I like to think that my continued health journey success is in part due to my activeness on the blog.

I also find that the blog helps make my intentions more real, like writing down items for a shopping or to-do list. If I put it to “paper,” then I have said that this is important for me to be more mindful. After finishing up my two-part post about toxic relationships, I’ve made more of an effort to be okay with no longer allowing toxic people in my life.

My posts about coming to terms with my MS helped me move forward in a more constructive way. While I was in a much better place than when I first got my diagnoses,  speaking about it put any final fears or doubts I had to rest.

Beyond all of that, just the creative act of writing has been extremely cathartic for me. It has allowed me to have a sense of self and self-worth that I was worried I might lose once I became a mother. It is easy for a woman to be defined solely by her children, and I was worried I would get too wrapped up in Jai’s life.

I love my son, but I don’t want to be defined by him. I have nothing against other parents who allow that to happen, that is what works best for them.

I am able to say that while I am a mother I am a writer as well.

The Future

I am hoping that my blog will continue to grow and that it will take on a greater meaning for others and not just myself. I am also hoping it will help open up professional avenues I never imagined possible when I started out last year.

I feel like I’ve been less stressed in my life since starting my blog and for that, I am grateful to have in my life. Any stress I feel related to the blog is the good kind of stress that pushes me forward and keeps me motivated. I can’t wait to see where this takes me in the next five years or so.

Thank you for coming along this journey with me.


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Food & September

Food is something I love and I love to share that love with others. I hope you enjoyed reading and trying some of the recipes – my favorites were the pumpkin spice latte and the celebration cake. Both go perfectly together and are relatively guilt-free if you’re watching what you eat.

I enjoyed sharing what I am doing with Jai to encourage his love of food and how I plan to minimize picky eating should it arise. Jai has already expressed an interest to help me in the kitchen which I hope to continue to foster into adulthood as much as possible.

We’re in the kitchen for some more goodies in the upcoming months that I am looking forward to sharing, so keep your eyes open (and make sure to follow MS//Mommy if you don’t already) for new and exciting recipes.

Looking ahead

There are going to be some changes in the next three months at MS//Mommy. I am dropping down to a twice-a-week posting schedule, so posts will be on Tuesdays & Thursdays instead of the Monday/Wednesday/Friday schedule.

If you follow my social media accounts, you’ll still see my “repost” Saturdays.

I wanted to spend the next couple of months working on some side projects relating to the blog and overhauls to the site now that I’ve been doing this for a year. To ensure that I am still providing quality posts, I decided that a twice-a-week schedule would be best for the rest of the year.

Speaking of social media accounts: if you don’t already follow me – please check out my Facebook page, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, and Tumblr. There you’ll get extra articles, thoughts, and pictures relating to the blog.

Here’s to October – one of my favorite months of the year!


Like this post? Make sure to follow me on your favorite social media platform and show some love by sharing it. Links found below.

Featured photo credit: Michelle Melton