Purging Clutter

The hardest part of any clean: the purging of clutter.

So many things turn into clutter, even things that you wouldn’t normally consider: sentimental items, books, or stuffed animals. It’s like the gardener’s philosophy surrounding weeds: it’s only a weed if you consider it one or it chokes out other plants. It’s only cluttered if it gets in the way and you don’t want it.

The Difficulty with Purging Items

Why purge items? Besides the obvious answer: purging items helps clear out mental clutter as well. I find that I am so much happier when I have a cleaner space, free of unnecessary papers and items.

The issue is deciding what to get rid of and what to keep/store.

I have a slight attachment to items that have a perceived sentimental value. I have three bottles of wine I still haven’t opened that I bought just after I moved South 10 years ago. I have two bottles of wine I bought 6 years ago when I visited my hometown in New England. I just can’t bring myself to open these bottles because of what they represent: the beginning of a new journey and goodbye to an old one.

But they are taking up space and at this point, if they aren’t vinegar, I can’t imagine they will taste good. We aren’t talking about quality bottles of wine.

I am not ready to make a decision about these bottles because they aren’t taking up enough space to be troublesome. Should I need to make space, then I will have to consider drinking them or dumping the contents and repurposing the bottles if I need that sentimental reminder.

But I have plenty of other items in the house that needs to be purged: clothing, toys, books, memorabilia to name a few.

Before Jai was born I went through a massive purge throughout the house in order to make room for his stuff. I knew it would be the first of several, so it felt good to watch the trash bags pile up on the curb for collection and Ash leaving with a car filled with donation boxes. I hoped to do my second purge in the spring after Jai was born, but I wasn’t able to get to it.

Now that he’s almost two, it’s time to consider making another massive purge, which should be easier to do because I already did one round. This time I will have to get rid of Jai’s old clothing, toys, and utility items that he no longer needs. I have everything mostly organized so that part should be easy, but deciding which toys should go will be difficult. That’s where having a system helps me make the more difficult decisions.

Creating a Simple System

When I am setting out to do a mini-purge I unceremoniously create three different vessels to hold my items: a garbage bag for items to be tossed, a random box for items to be donated, and a catch-all area for items to be stored or put away. When I am more organized, like when I was pregnant, I create bins to put each of these items so Ash can pick through them to see if I correctly categorized his stuff that might be mixed in.

I find big, clear, plastic totes work best. Their size helps hold more stuff, but easy to pick through and move from room-to-room if need be. Additionally, they are great to be repurposed as storage containers for the items being stored. I label each bin:

  1. To Keep and Store/put away
  2. To Donate
  3. To Trash/Recycle

Scheduling purges in small doses help keep me focused, just like my massive cleaning sessions.  I try not to spend more than 10 seconds on each item. If I am not sure in that moment I will set it aside and move on. If I find another item that is similar and I am able to make a quick decision about it (usually toss/donate) then I will return to that previous item set aside and make a similar decision. The goal is to have less “unsure” items at the end of each session than before I started.

My Favorite Tips

These are some of my favorite tips for working through a successful clutter purge:

  • I spend no more than 10 seconds on each item to decide whether I want to keep, donate or trash it. Some stuff is easy, for the more difficult items I will set aside to decide later.
  • If I am struggling to decide on a sentimental item at the end of my session, I will put it in a fourth box: this box is meant to be placed in an unobtrusive spot for 6 months. If I don’t reach in the box for the item in those 6 months, nor do I think about it, then I can seriously consider getting rid of it. I take a picture if it’s really important so I can have that instead of the physical object.
  • If an item has utility value, I ask if I will need it within the next 3 months. If no, then I donate/toss the item, otherwise, I store the item until I need it.
  • If I have multiples of an item and I only need one, I will keep the “nicer” version which is usually the newer version or I organize the items so I use the old stuff first. If an item is unopened, but I know Ash or my parents can use it, I give them the option to take it otherwise it gets donated.
  • Getting rid of important paperwork: I purchase a “year” box from a popular store that sells containers and organizing helpers. This box has the current year marked all over it, so I know what year the items were put into it. I write this note on top of it: “important paperwork to be destroyed December 31, (year).” The year is always 3 years from the current year (i.e. if the box says 2018, I am going to destroy the box contents in 2021).
  • I try to remember that we have the internet, so if I do get rid of something and I regret it, I have the means to find it again from someone. This is particularly helpful with books, especially cookbooks. My next purge will probably include all my cookbooks because I rarely crack those open anymore (though I will save my novelty cookbooks). I find that I search online for all my recipes because it’s more convenient for me.

What are some of the ways you purge your unwanted items, especially when you have something it’s hard to get rid of? Comment with your tips and stories regarding how your item purge sessions go below.


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Featured photo credit: Michelle Melton Photography


Introduction to Summertime Fun

July. One of the hottest months of the year. At least where we live.

This month I will be focusing on summertime fun for those of us with MS, with kids, and trying to maintain healthy habits.

Some things to look forward to this month:

  • I have a wonderful guest post lined up on a great podcast parents should check out, especially if you’ve had to read a book to a child multiple times
  • Summer is the berry picking season and a fun way to spend time with little ones
  • Activities for rainy days for grown-ups and children
  • And so much more!

What are some of your favorite summertime activities? Drop me a comment on your summertime fun.


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Featured photo credit: Michelle Melton Photography


Nature’s Classroom: Teaching Perspective

Monday I discussed the importance of spending time outdoors with little ones. Today I wanted to focus on the lessons we can teach by spending time outside, not just for ourselves, but for our little ones as well.

I struggle with perspective. The more time I spend outside, the clearer my perspective is on a lot of things. Not just my life, but where my life fits in the world and those directly surrounding me. While there are plenty of other ways to gain perspective, I have found that spending time in the middle of the woods or on top of a mountain to be the quickest way to re-orient and re-prioritize my mindset.

Children also struggle with perspective. Plenty of adults do too, but with a child’s limited experience it is hard for them to understand any perspective but their own. Teaching children to understand different points of views helps with empathy and compassion. It is important for children to have these tools prior to encountering a negative experience with another human being, such as a bully or bad behavior.

To be clear: teaching empathy isn’t telling a child to condone bad behavior, but to understand why a person behaves a certain way. If a child can try to understand the behavior it helps them not take it personally. Many situations where a child is treated badly or bullied have little to do with the child themselves and more to do with what they represent: i.e. happy home life, parental attention, or just because they are there.

Yet the bullied child is told to brush it off and ignore the bad behavior which can lead them to believe that there’s something wrong with them and not with the person behaving badly. If the child is taught to see things from the bully’s perspective, they may have a chance to see that it has nothing to do with them but has everything to do with the unhealthy ways the bully manages their feelings.

It isn’t about making friends with the bully but giving the child the emotional tools to manage the bully internally when it happens. Obviously, if a child’s physical and emotional well-being is in danger more drastic measures need to be taken, but I am referring to the simple push-and-take behavior that occurs in a toddler’s life.

There are many other reasons why teaching a child about perspective will help them daily, bullying is just an easy example many of us have already experienced and want to figure out how to handle when a little one goes through it as well. But learning about perspective cannot be forced, it must be gradually introduced into the child’s daily life/mindset.

When I taught I found that my more successful teaching moments happened when I took the time to understand things from the student’s perspective and worked on their level rather than talking down to them. I could lecture students all day how to formulate a thesis statement or a paragraph, but it was only when I showed them how to do it in a more subtle way on a level they could understand that I found more success.

For kids, nature is a non-threatening and interesting way to understand the world around them and how they fit within it. Using nature as a classroom is an organic way to teach children that there is more to what they see in front of them and makes it easy to transfer those lessons into different scenarios.

Before getting to that point, it’s important to understand things from a toddler’s perspective. Life is rather difficult for toddlers, despite the fact that everything is still done for them: you learn about independence, yet you can’t be fully independent; you learn about objects and how you might want them, yet you can’t get everything you want when you want it; and finally, you are curious about everything, but you aren’t allowed to see or do everything you want when you want.

It’s hard.

It’s also very hard to see the larger world as a toddler. Everything is momentary, everything is what is in front of you. Anything hidden doesn’t exist even when object permanence is finally a thing.

That’s where spending time outdoors can help start the learning process that there’s more to life than what is in front of a toddler’s nose.

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Guest Post: Being a Grandfather

Being a father means that someday you will potentially become a grandfather. I asked my dad to give some of his thoughts on what it was like to become a grandfather. He very graciously gave some of his time to provide me with these wonderful, thoughtful, and sweet answers.

Read his thoughts on being a grandfather below.


On Fatherhood

Before I was a father, I was anxious about whether my child would be healthy and whole. Another big concern I had was if I would be a good Dad. I knew I was going to make mistakes, but I didn’t want to make so many that my child would be scarred for life. To deal with this concern, I resolved to apologize to my daughter for failing her no matter the cost to my pride and no matter how old she was at the time.

From an early age, even before she could remember, I apologized to my daughter. It was important to me to model behavior that showed respect for her person because that was something that was missing from my own childhood. I suppose I wanted to be able to guide her as best as I could, and when I made a mistake, I would admit to it so that she knew she could trust me.

Another important rule for me was to be truthful. I determined to not lie to my children, no matter what. It was disgraceful to hear parents lie to their kids. So I saw fatherhood as a huge responsibility but also one of great joy.

For me, fatherhood has been both one of the most rewarding joys as well of the most heartbreaking in my life. Heartbreaking not because my child failed me, but looking back with 60+ years of maturity, I see where I could have done better. Unfortunately, a rewind button doesn’t exist because I wish we could replay all the fun times and get better guidance to watch out for in the pitfalls of life.

I think I had more fun playing with my daughter as she was growing up because I got to watch her discover new things as the world opened up to her!

Some of my favorite experiences ranged from having tea with her while talking about Ms. Bissy (an imaginary character she created) to feeding fish with our feet in the water so they could nibble our toes. I loved making her laugh so hard she would have a coughing fit and her Mom would yell at me for it. She got me back because I got so terrified when teaching her to drive that I would plead, quietly, “get over, get OVER, GET OVER!”  as she inched closer to the shoulder. She would laugh at me in those moments and be proud of the extra gray hairs she added to my head on those days.

I enjoyed sharing my twisted, quirky sense of humor with her and her to encouraging her to laugh but she turned it against me on countless occasions. She bought herself an Xbox and asked me to play co-op in Halo. Not knowing the game, controls, concept, etc., I couldn’t understand why I kept dying. There weren’t any enemies visible. No rifle fire, no grenade, nobody around…and yet I was dying – blood on the screen. My daughter, who was playing the game behind me, kept beating me to death! My wife finally said, “It’s your daughter doing it!” I turned around and she busted out laughing. Score one for the kid!

I have regrets, but through the great joy of having her and entering her world through play,  I’m grateful for the privilege to be a part of her life.

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Outdoors for Urban-Dwellers

Living in a major metropolitan area makes having daily access to nature a challenge. While we’re lucky enough to have a wooded area near our house, but I know that not everyone is so lucky and wanted to compile ways to increase one’s exposure to nature.

Growing up in a rural area I learned to appreciate all that nature had to offer, but because Jai is going to grow up either in an urban or suburban location (unless something drastically changes), he’s not going to have the same amount of exposure I did. So bringing nature inside will be one task I will want to do as much as possible for his sake.

Bring Nature to You

Here are some simple and easy ways to bring nature to you to help you with reconnection. I didn’t want to limit it to adults with children, so you’ll find all of these suggestions work for adult-only households:

  • Container Gardening: a great way to create your own produce, especially if you live in a food desert or want to know the origin of your fresh vegetables. You don’t need a yard to have a container garden, as a window or balcony can afford you enough space.
  • Potted Plants: you don’t have to have a green thumb to grow and maintain potted plants. If you are worried that you’ll kill a plant, buy a succulent. They tend to be really difficult to kill.
  • Nature walks & classes: find a local nature preserve and check their class schedule. Most have outdoor classes for adults and children on the weekends with a suggested donation fee. Learn a new skill and get yourself out in the wild.
  • Remove the blinds and curtains: if you can, keep your blinds/curtains up all the time to allow for maximum sunlight in your space. Choosing to use the sun for light sources can also be soothing.
  • Picnics in the park: have a park nearby? Why not bring some food and blanket for a quick picnic. Perfect for any day, especially if you work on the weekends or have a tight schedule.
  • Wading pool: For adults and children. Nothing feels better than filling a wading pool in the heat of summer and dipping your feet in.
  • Centerpieces and home decor: If you spend enough time outdoors, consider creating a centerpiece for your table of the interesting sticks, rocks, or leaves you find interesting. Dry flowers and arrange them according to the season with found river rocks in the vase bottom.
  • Companion animal: this is pricier and more time intensive AND dependant on allergies, but consider adopting a companion animal. Animals are known stress-reducers and their wild natures can bring the outside in for you (especially walking the dog). Reptiles are great for places that might have pet fees or those with allergies.
  • Fruit picking trips: If you can, look to see if there is a local farm where you can pick-you-own fruit. It’s a fun experience and a great way to discover fun recipes with the leftovers.
  • Nature Arts & Crafts: I have a flower press that my dad made me when I was a child. I used to press the flowers and leaves I found to make cards or bookmarks. Finding a cheap flower press and making art with dried pieces is a great way to reconnect with nature and a fun gift for a friend.

What do you do to bring nature to you when it’s hard? Share your ideas and experiences in the comments.


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Featured photo credit: Michelle Melton Photography