is-there-a-positive-in-an-exacerbation

Is there Positive in an Exacerbation?

Ask yourself this: is there anything good that comes from a chronic illness exacerbation? The obvious answer is no. The hidden answer is yes.

Exacerbations do a number on our bodies and psyche. They are physical and mental setbacks that leave us feeling stuck in place until they are over. They can cause long-term damage or help progress our disease farther along.

Stating that an exacerbation can be “good” is unconscionable. As people coping with a chronic illness, we want to avoid them at all costs. Absolutely. But that isn’t always possible. I am aware that I could become a Zen Master and banish all the stress I feel in life, and still get hit by an MS exacerbation without warning. That is the very problem with a chronic illness: the unpredictability.

The key is to find a silver lining in the middle of each exacerbation as much as possible. There will be moments where maintaining optimism is near impossible, and that is fine. But in the moments we can find a ray of sunshine, we should embrace positivity.

The Frustration of an Exacerbation

Exacerbations slow us down. They can land us in the hospital for treatment, and they can leave us searching for more answers on how to best approach our treatment.

I hate exacerbations because of how much they set me back. Before I managed my MS, I would be in the middle of an important project, and an exacerbation would slow me down for several weeks while I recovered. My usual MS symptoms, like fatigue, often cause me to take a day “off,” while I recover in bed.

I often wonder if my body coordinates the timing of the exacerbation as a form of self-sabotage. I get ahead, and my exacerbations/symptoms pull me back.

There might be some truth to that conspiratorial belief. I am pushing myself so hard that I do not listen to my body, so my body has to get my attention. Fatigue, L’Hermmittes Sign are red flags that I am not taking care of myself.

And if I continue not to listen, the exacerbation comes along to stop me in my tracks and take a break. But by then, it’s usually too late, and I may not know the extent of the damage done by the flare-up.

Gratitude in the Lowest Moments

We know that exacerbations are annoying, we know that they can be damaging, so how can I find the positive in these adverse chronic illness events? What follows is what works for me, so your own experience may not reflect my own.

I learned that an exacerbation is an excellent opportunity to practice gratitude. Sometimes the flare-up affects my depression, so finding appreciation might be impossible. Literally, because the exacerbation is the source of a mental block. If this happens to you, try to remember not to feel discouraged because it is out of your control.

But in the moments where this isn’t the case, where the exacerbation impacts your body, where you can recognize what is going on, we can practice gratitude. This isn’t something you will be able to whip out on the first go, it will take practice. A lot of practice. Gratitude and positivity are hard to be the first thing we reach for in our lowest moments.

What would gratitude during an exacerbation look like?

Take time reflecting on the points I’ve listed below and try to find gratitude in at least one of them. If one of the points don’t fit or bring on further negative thoughts, move on, and find another aspect that can help.

When you find a point that works, take time to examine it thoroughly. Reflect on each part that you are grateful for, each positive experience you’ve had relating to it. This will serve as a healthy distraction from your exacerbation.

  • Your medical team. How quick are they to listen to you and respond to your needs?
  • Your support team. This might be your family, professional nurses/helpers, and beyond.
  • Your social network. Both online and offline. How well do they listen, respond to your needs, and help you through your tough times?
  • Your financial situation. Is it favorable or not? Do you have the means to care for yourself?
  • Your overall health outside of the exacerbation. What are you usually able to do and looking forward to once this resolves?
  • Your professional situation. Are you satisfied in your professional life, and do you find validation there? Are they supportive of your case?
  • Overall survival security. Do you have a home, food, ways to clothe and take care of yourself? Ability to get around, even if it’s less than ideal?

Hopefully, you’ll find plenty of things to be grateful for running for this list or have a starting point for your own gratitude list. It’s essential to find things you do have in your life, despite this low point, and focus on them as a means of distraction. The idea is to help uplift you until you recover.

Searching for Positive

I will acknowledge that it’s privileged to say that there can be a silver lining in almost every situation. Certain fundamental conditions need to be met before taking a step back and look for the positive. I am sure a number of my readers are in that position of privilege, but I won’t make a sweeping generalization.

That said, try and look for the positive even in the middle of your exacerbation. Finding the positive does feel futile at times, so don’t feel pressured if you can’t find it. There are going to be good moments, and there are going to be bad. When you first start off, there will be more bad moments until you get more practice.

The key is to retrain your brain to not focus on the negative, but be receptive of the positive. This will be an uphill battle, as our biology steers us towards the negative. We are no longer running from other apex predators when we walk in the woods, so take time to retrain the primitive brain.

Exacerbations, while overall, are not a positive experience, they can give us a chance to find the positive in our lives separate from the negative experience. They give us a chance to slow down, appreciate what we do have, and find a way to retrain our brains to focus on the positive aspects of life. It’s not ideal, it never is, but it’s one way to cope with an uncontrollable situation.


Like this post? Make sure to follow me on your favorite social media platform and show some love by sharing it. Links found below.

Featured photo credit: Canva

Advertisements

coping-with-a-setback

Coping with a Setback

It’s tough to cope with a setback. Setbacks stink, and they, well, set us back. How often have you started with a specific goal in mind only to find that something gets in the way of completing it? It might be a person dragging their feet on a project, a health obstacle, or poor timing, so it doesn’t work out.

Every Sunday, I set a small goal for myself for the week: complete my chores each day promptly so I might spend more time with Jai. I might start off strong, get ahead by two days on Monday only to have something happen Tuesday and Wednesday to get me rushing to finish my chores if they get finished at all. As the week marches on, I get farther and farther behind on my tasks until its Sunday again.

It never seems to fail that each time I get two steps ahead, something sets me four steps behind.

It’s frustrating when this happens. Every time I set a goal for myself, with or without expectation, something gets in the way. The trouble is, it isn’t every time that this happens. It only seems like it due to negative bias. But often it’s enough to leave me to feel discouraged that I am getting nowhere near achieving my personal goals.

The Source of Setbacks

When I recognize that I am slipping down a discouraging path with a setback, I try to reach a space where I can understand what is happening. Some delays are out of my control: the car needs an oil change, and thirty minutes last two hours because the car is due for a maintenance check. In this scenario, I have a choice to make: deal with the issue at hand, and get the car checked out, or skip-it and allow a possible issue fester into an expensive problem.

I choose the setback because I know not dealing with the critical task at hand, maintaining the health of my vehicle, can cause more stress in the future. Yet, time was lost that I planned to devote to something else, and that feels frustrating.

Another source of the setback may be of my own making, typically through self-sabotage. I am aware enough to know that I am the source of it, yet sometimes I continue to engage in the self-destructive setback. This may be dropping the ball on a project, not responding to essential communications, or participating in toxic behavior to avoid dealing with the situation.

When I get a setback that is out of my control, I get more frustrated. When I create my own impediments, I have only myself to blame. I can choose to change my behavior to have a favorable outcome. But when the setback is external, I get more discouraged because I don’t know how to fix it. It’s out of control, which makes me feel out of control.

But I am learning how to better deal with it.

Self-Compassion and Gratitude

When I feel out of control, especially amid a setback, I have to find a healthy way to control the situation. There is only one thing I can control, and that is my reaction to the setback. Through this, I can manage the next couple of steps I take. This is my response, how I deal with my response and deciding what my options are.

Depending on the scenario, a setback might feel like a permanent roadblock, but it does not have to be. I have options for finding a way around it. If I react like I’ve hit a dead-end, I won’t try to find an alternative. If I respond like I can turn around and try a different path, I am more apt to consider my options.

And sometimes a shut door is a shut door. There is wisdom in knowing that there are no other options over assuming there are no alternatives.

To healthily manage my reaction to a setback, I engage in self-compassion and gratitude for the situation. I tell myself, “it’s okay that this might not be your ideal situation, but you will do the best you can with it.” I follow it with gratitude that I am given a chance to learn more about what I can do. Adversity, via setback, is often the best tool to teach us about ourselves.

I don’t seek out setbacks, nor do I martyr myself in the middle of one. Rather, I take the “life gives you lemons,” approach: if I am stuck dealing with it, might as well make the most of it.

Despite what it sounds like, I don’t believe life purposely sets out lessons for us. The lessons are always there, it’s just a matter of, are we listening to them? Setbacks are one of those lessons we can’t avoid, so we should look to them not as keeping us back, but teaching us patience perseverance, and humility.

Each setback isn’t an addition to a lesson, it’s just a chance to deepen or refresh what you’ve previously learned.

Maintaining Focus

There isn’t one ideal way to handle a setback. But I have found one thing, besides self-compassion and gratitude, that helps me get through it: maintaining my focus.

A setback often derails us mentally and emotionally. We might want to complete a particular task this week, and an injury prevents that from happening. Rather than focusing on the injury beyond healing, focus on what can be done in the meantime.

Keep yourself focused while moving forward.

Sometimes it hard to keep that focus if it’s a long-term setback. If that’s the case, consider re-evaluating your goals, if only temporarily. Refocus on another goal that might help you achieve your sidelined goal. Look for alternatives, but keep yourself focused on moving forward rather than staying stuck in one place.

Respecting the Setback and Ourselves

The key to dealing with a setback is respecting the lessons and our ability to listen. Delays aren’t inherently a bad thing, though they do get a bad rap. They are frustrating simply because they put a pause on our expectations, and makes us feel stagnant. Yet, a setback can be a good thing.

I view setbacks as an opportunity to take a break. When I create the hindrance, often it’s because I am doing too much and not listening to my need to slow down. I unconsciously self-sabotage because it’s the only way I will listen to taking a breather.

When the setback is out of my control, it allows me to regroup, figure out what happened, and decide on my next step. Delays will enable us to take the time to reassess what is going on in our lives, especially if we usually don’t give ourselves permission to do so.

It is hard to cope with setbacks, but we can and will each time we experience one. And that’s okay.


Like this post? Make sure to follow me on your favorite social media platform and show some love by sharing it. Links found below.

Featured photo credit: Canva


appreciating-the-small-things

Appreciating the Small Things

One afternoon, Jai and I walked to meet Ash at work. In the middle of the walkway was a considerable Skink that I almost stepped on because I wasn’t paying attention. This was the second time I almost got this little guy because I tend to be single-focused to keep Jai moving along. Each time I almost step on the little lizard, I feel bad. They are just sitting there, on the sidewalk, appreciating the midday sun. As the Skink scuttles off to avoid my feet, I give a moment of appreciation for them. Here, in a major metropolitan area, is a reminder of nature and a moment to appreciate the small things in life.

Now that I am aware that this is the Skink’s favorite sunning spot, Jai and I keep a lookout for him each time we visit Ash. It’s an opportunity for Jai to learn more about his local ecology, and me to appreciate its size and coloring. With a toddler, each Skink-sized stick is our sunning friend, and each little Skink discovered is the big one’s “baby.”

Watching Jai get so excited over discovery is one of the sweeter moments of parenthood. These are the moments he and I treasure, but often get lost in daily life. I have chores to do, posts to write, and training to manage, that I often forget the importance of slowing down and appreciating the little moments.

Appreciating the small things in life is so integral to de-stressing and finding inner satisfaction.

Don’t Get Bogged Down

Appreciating the small things is not an opportunity to practice avoidance. Sometimes, we use little details as an excuse to procrastinate. Try not to get so bogged down in the minutia that you lose focus of your goals. You may even miss the more significant moments worthy of our appreciation when we focus too strictly on the small stuff.

That said, it’s essential to strike a balance between the little and big things in life. Take time to appreciate the moments you might overlook, but don’t let that consume you. On Wednesday, I will focus on the more significant parts of life worthy of our appreciation.

Grateful for the Little Stuff

How do you determine that something is worthy of appreciation? Why is it important to appreciate?

If the moment or experience strikes a positive response from you, it is worthy of appreciation. Looking at a cute dog walking down the street is an opportunity to appreciate living alongside our canine companions. Hearing a child’s unbridled laughter across the store is a moment to enjoy living in the moment like a child. Seeing a stranger do something kind for you or another stranger is a moment to appreciate the kindness in the world.

These are three moments we might miss or not devote the level of appreciation they deserve. If we want to rewire our brain, take the time to be mindful, and show gratitude in the small things is another area to start. Engage in the feelings a dog, child, or stranger brings up in you. A dog might make you feel good because of how cute it is. A child’s laughter might make you feel good because it reminds you of positive childhood experiences. A random act of kindness might make you feel good because it reaffirms your faith in humanity.

These are all moments of mindfulness. The small things in life tend to only happen in the current moment, so when they arrive, embrace these moments and appreciate life as it currently is. Not how you wish it would be, or your past. These little moments keep us from focusing on the negative that bog us down.

If we are busy appreciating the little things, we do not leave room to focus on the negative.

Take the rest of the day to find moments to appreciate. Observe others behaving kindly. Enjoy a stranger’s happiness. Give your companion animal an extra scratch and take comfort in the feel of their fur (or scales, or feathers).

Find some time today to appreciate the little things in life and see how they add up to the richness and positivity of your day.


Like this post? Make sure to follow me on your favorite social media platform and show some love by sharing it. Links found below.

Featured photo credit: Canva


mindfulness-and-chronic-illness

Practicing Mindfulness with a Chronic Illness

I’ve mentioned mindfulness often in passing on the blog throughout the year, but I haven’t devoted a full post to it. For August, I want to celebrate all the small victories we have in our lives and one way to recognize them is through the practice of mindfulness. Mindfulness is an easy practice for someone with a chronic illness. Mainly because we are mindful without realizing it: daily we observe our bodies, how the body reacts (or does not react), where our moods are, and what we need to do to make the day manageable.

If you’ve engaged in mindfulness practice without realizing it, let’s take some time to focus it towards our emotional health. You’ll find it will help you manage your mental and physical health along the way, which complements any care your healthcare team recommends.

What is Mindfulness?

What do you think of when someone says “let’s practice mindfulness”?

You might envision a person in yoga class, or a Buddhist monk sitting cross-legged with their eyes close. Yes, these are classic examples of mindfulness, but it’s not limited to a form of Eastern philosophy. If you hold to a particular set of beliefs, you might be afraid that practicing mindfulness comes into conflict with them. I can assure you that mindfulness does not conflict, especially if you strip it down to the very basics.

If you’ve sat in a quiet moment, speaking to your Higher Power, that’s mindfulness. If you’ve ever visited a therapist and they wanted you to focus on the moment, that’s mindfulness. If you sit back and observe the world moving around you with no other thoughts than the present, that’s mindfulness.

Mindfulness, very simply, is inhabiting the current space you are in mentally, emotionally, and physically. It does not need to be attached to yoga or meditation. It is observing the moment.

What are you doing right now? Are you reading this post on a phone/tablet or your computer? Are you sitting down or standing? Are you fully engaged with this post or are you multi-tasking? Sit for a moment and think about what is going on right now while you read this.

Mindfulness observes the physical actions you take, the thoughts you think, and the emotions you feel. Often we get frustrated because we might try to sit for a session in mindfulness and our minds wander; something itches; or if you are in the middle of an exacerbation, you focus on that.

All of those “frustrations” are happening at the moment, and therefore they are a part of it. Ultimately, there is no right way to practice mindfulness. If you are not focusing on the past or the future, you are being mindful of your moment.

The goal in mindfulness practice is to keep ourselves grounded in our current moments as much as possible. It is meant to release us from any stress we feel about a future project or the shame of a previous social encounter. We often get caught up in things we cannot control (the future) and things we cannot change (our past), that we forget the current moment.

Nothing goes away when we engage in our mindful practice, but we do get a chance to give our mind a bit of a vacation and re-prioritize. It helps us appreciate what we do have, rather than what we don’t.

Mindfulness and the Chronic Illness

I spoke about the importance of gratitude in last Monday’s post. If you are struggling to get into a space of gratitude, mindfulness will help you get there. When we practice mindfulness, we are unconsciously appreciating the current moment. When we re-wire our brains to engage in gratitude more often, we can help manage our chronic illnesses in a healthy manner.

Mindfulness opens us to looking at the moments when we aren’t experiencing an exacerbation or feeling pain. Sometimes we forget the moments when our illness is leaving us alone, and mindfulness refocuses us to appreciate those moments.

Even when experiencing an exacerbation or pain, we can use mindfulness to refocus the pain or discomfort of the exacerbation. It’s not a cure-all, nor will it make the exacerbation/pain go away, but it can help manage both. Many of our exacerbations are brought on by stress, or made worse by it, and mindfulness is a great stress-reducer.

Even if the practice of mindfulness proves to be nothing but a placebo, the placebo effect is genuine , and mindfulness practice is one of those scenarios of “if it works, or doesn’t cause any harm, why not do it anyway?” It may be helping you better manage your pain, it may have you appreciating each day a little more, or it may help you get into space to begin your own wellness journey.

Silver Linings Abound

Through mindfulness can we take a few moments to recognize life’s silver linings.

While dealing with a chronic illness, we must collect all the bright spots we have in our lives. If we focus too much on the illness itself, it can crush our resolve, our ability not to allow it to control us. We experience pain, physical and emotional, so much more when we let our illness overwhelm us.

However, when we are mindful of the present moment, we can see that not everything is grim. Our thoughts may drift to the negative, but if we refocus on the current moment: the current lack of exacerbation, the current lack of pain, the current lack of drama or stress; do we see that we might be in the middle of a bright spot.

We may be more receptive to trying something new in our lives if we become more present. That may be trying a new medication, taking on a healthy endeavor, or allowing ourselves to begin the process of grieving that might be previously repressed.

It’s a chance for us to no longer view ourselves as victims of our illness, but our illness as just one more thing to overcome in our lives. To be clear, our illness can victimize us by taking things away, but we do not have to act like victims. There is a healthy way to cope with our darker emotions and thoughts relating to the illness, but being unwilling to make healthy changes is not the way to go.

Mindfulness can show us the way that we can make changes. We can be healthy. We can control how we respond to our chronic illness.


Like this post? Make sure to follow me on your favorite social media platform and show some love by sharing it. Links found below.

Featured photo credit: Canva


learning-through-painful-experiences

Learning through Painful Experiences

On the Adult Swim show, Rick and Morty, there’s a minor character named Mr. Meseeks. In a moment of extremely dark humor, something the show is famous for, Mr. Meseeks admits that “existence is pain.” When you live with a chronic illness, there’s a lot of truth to that phrase: life can be literally and figuratively painful at times. But there’s something we should know: we can learn through the painful experiences.

While the Mr. Meseeks character can “poof” away after fulfilling its purpose, we cannot leave. We are stuck trying to find a healthy way to manage our physical and emotional pain.

What Pain Teaches

Pain comes in many forms.

It can be physical, mental, or emotion. Often, we find it’s a combination of these three: if I am in physical pain, I might feel it emotionally as well. One leads into the other in a domino effect.

Physical Pain

When pain is in a physical form, it can teach us what we are capable of handling. If it’s an expected pain, one that we can mentally prepare ourselves for: an outpatient procedure, exercise, or giving birth, it reminds us that we are strong.

Often, after these moments pass, we recognize we’ve become stronger because of the pain/discomfort endured. Scar tissue heals tougher, muscles build up, or we have a beautiful little one to show for the struggle. We endure, we grow stronger, and we have something positive to show for it.

When the pain is unexpected, such as an undiagnosed chronic illness, it can be discouraging. Even if we expect the pain due to our illness, it’s often coupled with the uncertainty as to when it will end. When we willingly put ourselves through a physically painful experience, we have an expectation of knowing it will eventually end.

Exacerbations and chronic pain do not adhere to such a timeline.

But this pain can still teach us what we are capable of enduring, even in the moments we feel like we’re barely tolerating it.

Emotional & Mental Pain

Emotional pain is harder to grasp. It’s so nebulous that when we think we’ve caught it, rooted it out, and dealt with it; it pops up in some other form in another part of our life. Emotional pain is a constant game of “whack-a-mole.”

The scars are harder to see when we’ve endured emotional abuse. Anything can cause our emotional pain to grow out of control. Even the slightest look from a stranger can turn our positive mood into a dark space. It might take hours to days before we get back into a balanced state.

Mental pain can be equally difficult to deal with. It may be out of our control, requiring chemical intervention. Please continue to follow your healthcare professionals recommendations if you require chemical intervention to manage your mental pain.

These types of pain also provide important lessons: emotional pain teaches compassion, while mental pain teaches us to honor and nurture our fragile nature in a healthy way.

I found that these three forms of pain, physical, emotional, and mental, all teach me one thing: I can endure, and I grow into a stronger person because of it. Without pain to push me, I stay within my comfort zone and do not develop into the person I have the potential of becoming.

You can’t Stop the Pain…

As much as we’d like to, there’s no quick fix to handle our pain. We can abuse medication or find other unhealthy ways to escape it, but that isn’t handling the pain as much as it’s kicking the can down the road. This form of avoidance can deepen the pain, making it more difficult to manage, which turns into a negative cycle.

Please note: I am not referring to using prescribed pain medication as directed by an ethical healthcare professional. I am referring to the intentional abuse of prescriptions or illegal drugs as a means of escaping physical, emotional, and mental pain. If you, or someone you know, is abusing medication, please seek help now. You can break the negative cycle.

Pain will always be a part of our lives. We cannot escape it; we cannot avoid it. When we try to run from it, like “checking out” or procrastinating, it can exacerbate the pain, specifically mental, and make it feel more overwhelming. It’s often a struggle to confront it, which is what we must do if we are to move forward.

If you cannot stop the pain, what can you do?

…But you don’t have to Accept it

Exactly that.

You do not have to accept the pain. You have to endure it, yes, because it will always be present. But you don’t have to give into it and let it “win.” Rather, you can find ways to manage it so you can put it in proper perspective.

For physical pain, you can learn meditative techniques to manage the pain. You can speak with a healthcare professional about a healthy way to chemically treat the pain or referral to physical therapy. The pain may be telling you to slow down because you’ve done too much, so take some time to rest. You can look at it as a challenge to test your abilities to endure and flip it into something positive.

For the emotional and mental pain, find a competent therapist or qualified accountability partner to help you work through it. Figure out why you are in this pain, what triggers it, and how you can healthfully manage it. Use healthy distraction techniques to keep you moving in a forward direction and minimize getting “stuck” in one place.

Learn to work with, through, and around the pain so it no longer holds you back. It is just one more hurdle to overcome in life, with or without a chronic illness.

Learning Through Painful Experiences

Pain gets a bad rap for being negative. To be fair, it can be negative most of the time. But remember the planned pain, like with exercise? That pain can bring on positive growth. It teaches use we are strong by making us stronger.

Try to view the unplanned pain from illness or injury in a similar manner. It is teaching us something about ourselves: what we can do with it, how we can handle it, and possibly how our lives are better because of it. There are plenty of people out there that lose part of themselves, enduring pain from trauma, to come back stronger than before.

Pain teaches us a lot about ourselves, we just have to be willing to listen to what it has to say.


Like this post? Make sure to follow me on your favorite social media platform and show some love by sharing it. Links found below.

Featured photo credit: Imani Clovis on Unsplash