The Check-In

Checking In: MS Symptoms

What good is discussing diet and lifestyle changes if I don’t reveal the ongoing results?

Doing an honest self-assessment of any sort is hard, particularly when trying to find ways to manage an unmanageable disease. There’s a huge desire to make everything a “success” or engage in placebo effect-like thinking, but that isn’t always the case.

Overall, I feel like I am managing my MS better, but on a day-to-day basis, my mileage may vary because of various external factors.

Current Health Self-Check

Currently, I am not doing so well. Not necessarily because of the MS, but I have a weird seasonal head cold. Drippy nose, sore throat, and exhaustion. I can only assume that if a person without MS gets a cold like this they may feel wiped out but are able to go about their daily lives with minimal interference.

With MS and any illness, I get so wiped out that getting out of bed is a hardship. Ash had to stay home until Jai went down for his morning nap on Tuesday because I was so worn out. I needed the extra couple of hours of sleep this afforded me before I was able to start the day and take care of a toddler. Jai and I stayed in our PJs and read lots of books and minimized movement so I wouldn’t overdo it.

This is a key example of why getting sick with MS is “dangerous.” It won’t necessarily cause any physical harm, but infections are a key cause of flare-ups so there is a risk of needing to get steroids to treat the inflammation. I don’t get avoidant if I know someone is sick, but I do recognize that even a simple cold can knock me off my feet for a couple of days that might just inconvenience someone else.

Normally I wouldn’t write about getting sick factoring into how I am currently feeling because I tend to not get sick all that often, but since having Jai it has become a more common occurrence. 

Beyond the cold, I am feeling okay overall. There’s been some emotional disappointment in not being able to maintain my diet as strictly as I wanted, but doing what is best for my overall health is more important. My brain fog and memory issues haven’t gone away or lessened it, but that may be because I am not doing enough mental exercises to help stimulate neuron repair.

Fatigue is still an issue, but not so much on the days that I am more active. I find high-cardio days means that I have more energy throughout the day and days I do yoga there might be a greater dip in energy by the afternoon.

Being completely honest: I haven’t noticed many changes since my last check-in after my diet reset. I feel more active, happier, less sluggish, but no appreciable changes to my MS symptoms.

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Parenting with a Disability

This is the final week in a 3-week series on parenting observations. Week one is based on gentle parenting, week two is about parenting with compassion, and week three is about parenting with a disability.

These posts are based on my personal experiences as a parent and are not meant in any way to judge other parenting styles or decisions. I am offering my personal research and conclusions as possible suggestions for others out there, therefore these posts will be as objective as possible. When it comes to parenting: provided the method isn’t abusive, there really isn’t a wrong way to parent your child. Be secure and do what works best for you and your family and ignore outside judgment.

For many people, parenthood is fraught with challenges: getting enough sleep, the terrible twos, and the need for independence as children grow older. For a select few, there is the added challenge of balancing parenting and a disability of some sort.

Parenting without a disability is difficult and parenting with one presents its own unique challenges. With some adaptations, parenting with a disability is no harder than parenting without one. Remember: it’s comparing apples and oranges; each type is difficult and easy in their own ways.

The key is to know what the limits are, having a support system of some sort to help manage those limitations, and keeping everything in proper perspective.

In the final week of my parenting series, this week will be based more on observations from my own experience coupled with resources found online. If you are a parent with a disability, you may see some similarities in your own situation or if you know a parent with a disability, hopefully, this will provide some greater insight to what they experience.

Nota bene: This post will be using the universal “you/second person” pronouns throughout, so while it may not speak to your experience directly, it may apply to someone else you know.

Visible versus Invisible

There are two different types of disabilities out there: the ones you can see and the ones you cannot. For people with invisible disabilities, this can lead to a lot of issues, particularly if a person looks “normal” but uses a handicap parking space. A person does not need to be in a wheelchair, despite the universal logo, to be disabled.

Multiple Sclerosis can be both: for those with PPMS and SPMS (and at times, RRMS), it’s a more obvious disability. The person can be a cane, walker, or scooter. It can be abnormal speech patterns, cognitive difficulties, or physical weakness. The outside observer can see the disability.

But many with RRMS don’t display outward symptoms of their diagnosis, yet the disability can still be there: fatigue, mental fog, or pain. Flare-ups can cause limb weakness or numbness which several limits mobility for a short period of time.

When it is hard to see the disability, it is hard for outsiders to understand the extent of the disability. This can lead to feelings of frustration, inadequacy, and self-doubt by the person with the diagnosis.

Parenting with an invisible disability adds an additional layer of complications: sometimes it’s hard to make playdate plans with others because you don’t know how you might feel that day, remembering simple details about another kid’s life that you’ve been told many times before, and seeming more disengaged with the parenting process from the outside. None of these reasons make you less of a parent, it just alters how you parent.

Ultimately, for those with an invisible disability, they can spend part of their day mentally preparing for outside judgment because people might not know or understand the situation. Judgment isn’t a daily occurrence, but when it happens, it stings because you are left feeling inadequate.

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Personal Motivation

Checking In: Coping with Personal Stress

Today a major milestone in my health journey. Five years ago today, I had my very first MS flare-up. At the time, I didn’t know what it was, but I was lucky enough to get answers less than a year later.

Today’s post contains a more in-depth tale of my journey to the MS diagnosis and what brings about my flare-ups. Read the shorter version here.

2012: The First Time

A few days prior to my flare-up, I finished up my final classes, got my grades in, and flew up to Connecticut to help my parents move. As an only child with one year of marriage under my belt, my parents wanted to leave the cold hollows of New England and join Ash and me in Georgia.

This was a particularly hard journey for me because it meant that I would be saying “goodbye” to my childhood home. We moved in when I was 6 and I had many fond memories stored inside; there were over 20 years of memories and I was extremely sad to no longer have the ability to visit it.

December 13th would be my last night sleeping in my old room, and on the 14th I would help my parents finish loading up the moving truck and help them drive down to Georgia over the next three days.

I was not in a good mood. I was grumpy, irritable, but most of all, stressed out.

It was my second year teaching college students composition, struggling with normal Graduate school stressors, and now the final stress of losing what felt like a family member was too much for me.

But there would be more.

On the 14th, a little more than an hour away from my location, Newtown happened. I had to keep it together to help finish the moving process, but inside I was really struggling with all of my feelings. I had a tight burning in my chest as I swept and mopped the living room floor. I had to keep everything together.

The product of my labor: a clean living room floor. Possibly the only time I did this chore in this house.


We loaded up the truck around 6pm, my mom and I hopped in her car, and we headed south while my dad followed in the moving truck. We were headed towards Pennsylvania where we planned to stay for the night at a motel.

I slept on a pullout bed which was extremely uncomfortable. I was exhausted, so I didn’t think much about the day’s events, and I fell asleep.

When I woke up, there was an oval spot in my right eye’s field of vision. I had a slight headache and I was feeling unwell. At first I thought my glasses were dirty, but no matter how often I cleaned them, that spot wouldn’t go away. I rubbed my eyes thinking there might be some junk with no luck. I didn’t understand what was happening as we went to get breakfast at the local McDonald’s.

Found on the restroom door of that McDonald’s. Even with the spot in my eye I could see how dated this was…

I had had migraines before, but I never experienced an aura prior to the migraine. Normally I would not have a migraine and then boom, migraine without warning. My migraines were increasing in frequency. I would have one once a year and I was starting to get them every 6 months or so, so when I looked up my eye symptoms, it seemed like a natural progression.

Figuring it was an aura, I was relegated to being the navigator when I didn’t have a black skull cap I bought at a gas station over my eyes to help manage what I thought were the beginning moments of a migraine. When we stopped in Virginia for the night we all thought the spot would go away with a good night’s sleep.

It did not. In fact, it got worse. It didn’t cover my whole field of vision, but it was more prominent. The day before, I could kind of see through this smudge. Now it was a translucent spot that partially blocked objects.

I was definitely scared. I didn’t know what was happening and how to fix it.

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