learning-through-painful-experiences

Learning through Painful Experiences

On the Adult Swim show, Rick and Morty, there’s a minor character named Mr. Meseeks. In a moment of extremely dark humor, something the show is famous for, Mr. Meseeks admits that “existence is pain.” When you live with a chronic illness, there’s a lot of truth to that phrase: life can be literally and figuratively painful at times. But there’s something we should know: we can learn through the painful experiences.

While the Mr. Meseeks character can “poof” away after fulfilling its purpose, we cannot leave. We are stuck trying to find a healthy way to manage our physical and emotional pain.

What Pain Teaches

Pain comes in many forms.

It can be physical, mental, or emotion. Often, we find it’s a combination of these three: if I am in physical pain, I might feel it emotionally as well. One leads into the other in a domino effect.

Physical Pain

When pain is in a physical form, it can teach us what we are capable of handling. If it’s an expected pain, one that we can mentally prepare ourselves for: an outpatient procedure, exercise, or giving birth, it reminds us that we are strong.

Often, after these moments pass, we recognize we’ve become stronger because of the pain/discomfort endured. Scar tissue heals tougher, muscles build up, or we have a beautiful little one to show for the struggle. We endure, we grow stronger, and we have something positive to show for it.

When the pain is unexpected, such as an undiagnosed chronic illness, it can be discouraging. Even if we expect the pain due to our illness, it’s often coupled with the uncertainty as to when it will end. When we willingly put ourselves through a physically painful experience, we have an expectation of knowing it will eventually end.

Exacerbations and chronic pain do not adhere to such a timeline.

But this pain can still teach us what we are capable of enduring, even in the moments we feel like we’re barely tolerating it.

Emotional & Mental Pain

Emotional pain is harder to grasp. It’s so nebulous that when we think we’ve caught it, rooted it out, and dealt with it; it pops up in some other form in another part of our life. Emotional pain is a constant game of “whack-a-mole.”

The scars are harder to see when we’ve endured emotional abuse. Anything can cause our emotional pain to grow out of control. Even the slightest look from a stranger can turn our positive mood into a dark space. It might take hours to days before we get back into a balanced state.

Mental pain can be equally difficult to deal with. It may be out of our control, requiring chemical intervention. Please continue to follow your healthcare professionals recommendations if you require chemical intervention to manage your mental pain.

These types of pain also provide important lessons: emotional pain teaches compassion, while mental pain teaches us to honor and nurture our fragile nature in a healthy way.

I found that these three forms of pain, physical, emotional, and mental, all teach me one thing: I can endure, and I grow into a stronger person because of it. Without pain to push me, I stay within my comfort zone and do not develop into the person I have the potential of becoming.

You can’t Stop the Pain…

As much as we’d like to, there’s no quick fix to handle our pain. We can abuse medication or find other unhealthy ways to escape it, but that isn’t handling the pain as much as it’s kicking the can down the road. This form of avoidance can deepen the pain, making it more difficult to manage, which turns into a negative cycle.

Please note: I am not referring to using prescribed pain medication as directed by an ethical healthcare professional. I am referring to the intentional abuse of prescriptions or illegal drugs as a means of escaping physical, emotional, and mental pain. If you, or someone you know, is abusing medication, please seek help now. You can break the negative cycle.

Pain will always be a part of our lives. We cannot escape it; we cannot avoid it. When we try to run from it, like “checking out” or procrastinating, it can exacerbate the pain, specifically mental, and make it feel more overwhelming. It’s often a struggle to confront it, which is what we must do if we are to move forward.

If you cannot stop the pain, what can you do?

…But you don’t have to Accept it

Exactly that.

You do not have to accept the pain. You have to endure it, yes, because it will always be present. But you don’t have to give into it and let it “win.” Rather, you can find ways to manage it so you can put it in proper perspective.

For physical pain, you can learn meditative techniques to manage the pain. You can speak with a healthcare professional about a healthy way to chemically treat the pain or referral to physical therapy. The pain may be telling you to slow down because you’ve done too much, so take some time to rest. You can look at it as a challenge to test your abilities to endure and flip it into something positive.

For the emotional and mental pain, find a competent therapist or qualified accountability partner to help you work through it. Figure out why you are in this pain, what triggers it, and how you can healthfully manage it. Use healthy distraction techniques to keep you moving in a forward direction and minimize getting “stuck” in one place.

Learn to work with, through, and around the pain so it no longer holds you back. It is just one more hurdle to overcome in life, with or without a chronic illness.

Learning Through Painful Experiences

Pain gets a bad rap for being negative. To be fair, it can be negative most of the time. But remember the planned pain, like with exercise? That pain can bring on positive growth. It teaches use we are strong by making us stronger.

Try to view the unplanned pain from illness or injury in a similar manner. It is teaching us something about ourselves: what we can do with it, how we can handle it, and possibly how our lives are better because of it. There are plenty of people out there that lose part of themselves, enduring pain from trauma, to come back stronger than before.

Pain teaches us a lot about ourselves, we just have to be willing to listen to what it has to say.


Like this post? Make sure to follow me on your favorite social media platform and show some love by sharing it. Links found below.

Featured photo credit: Imani Clovis on Unsplash

Advertisements

can-illness-be-a-positive

Illness as a Positive, Part II

In November 2018, I surprised myself when I wrote about how I was grateful for my MS diagnosis. Before writing it, I thought about the benefits of my diagnosis, in light of all limitations. I was healthier, mentally and physically because of it. I made and achieved personal goals since my teenage years. Can an illness be a positive? I asked myself.

As I wrote, I found the answer was “yes.”

This isn’t a case of the dreaded “inspiration porn,” that plagues people with chronic illness. I am not saying that chronic illness is some test that brings enlightenment to its sufferers meant to inspire others.

I was talking to Ash a few weeks ago about how my MS isn’t “sexy” enough to be inspirational. I’ve temporarily lost leg function before, but never to the extremes that other people with MS experience. There’s nothing inspirational about my diagnosis and disease-management story.

What I am saying is that, for me, getting ill was the wake-up call I waited for all my life. The call rang in the background, but I kept ignoring it. Getting the “all clear” from my neurologist on my brain lesions shook me out of complacency. I reached my “rock bottom” and needed to work towards the person I dreamed of becoming for so long.

I absolutely have my moments where my MS is a negative thing. I hate my brain fog, when objects slip out of my hands, or I struggle to get out of bed due to fatigue. There are days where I wish I could trade places with someone who isn’t chronically ill just to feel “normal.” I will admit: this daydream occurs at least once a week.

Taking a mental tally of the benefits my illness brought me versus the negative, I’ve found that the positive outweighs the negative. This won’t be the case for everyone, my MS was never that bad, to begin with, but making the decision to be positive is one form of disease management.

How? It gives me a more realistic view of the severity of my illness. Before, I had a hopeless view of my future. I waited until I progressed to Secondary-Progressive. I now see that the MS does not limit me as much as I thought it did.

Deepening Appreciation

My perspective on my illness is evolving. Rather than re-publish the post in November with some edits, I wanted a separate post to reflect on everything I’ve learned about myself and my MS in the last eight months. Life is a classroom, and I’ve learned a lot more about myself since November.

In childhood, I was taught adversity was a good thing: it’s what shapes us into stronger adults. It’s one of the reasons why I chose the lotus for MS Awareness on the blog. Through the mud does the beautiful lotus flower bloom: a perfect metaphor for what it’s like to live with a chronic illness.

We sit in our dark moments, in the middle of an exacerbation, unable to see the internal growth taking place. When the exacerbation is over, we blossom into a more resilient person, wiser from the experience.

I just passed my second anniversary since my last major exacerbation, but I still live with a fear that I will wake up with blindness in one eye, or unable to lift my leg to walk.

I am more aware of a lot of things in life.

I’ve become more mindful of my time, choosing to live in the moment more, rather than focusing on the future fear of an exacerbation. I appreciate each day I get exacerbation-free. I am aware of my aging, and what my elder years might look like with MS. I recognize my mortality more, not because MS might kill me, but it might take my ability to function away from me, so I have to wait for years to die in a hospital bed.

This is unlikely to be my situation, but this disease is so unpredictable that I cannot rule it out entirely.

That is something the MS taught me: the unpredictability of it all. Everything. Each time I go out to exercise, I play with Jai, I interact with Ash, or love on my cats; each of these moments is so precious because I do not know what I will wake up to in the morning. If I am lucky, MS won’t get me, but MS did make me aware that anything can. MS taught me that every day is a gift and you never know when it is your time to go.

I know that’s morbid, but it’s why I developed a more positive outlook. If we are given a brief chance to look back at our lives at the end, will I leave feeling positive about my life overall, or negative?

The Importance of a Positive Outlook

I am speaking from a place of acceptance with my illness, so it’s easy to maintain a positive outlook. We are not all there yet, as we work through the stages of grief post-diagnosis.

Once you reach a space of acceptance, try to look at life more positively. Look not at the series of moments of what you cannot do, but at the moments of what you can. You may be surprised that you can do a lot more than expected. Now re-examine the things you think you can’t do and see how you can adapt to make things happen.

I never thought I could be a runner, before MS and especially after my diagnosis. I did not think I could be a mother. I never anticipated getting into a positive space with my more adversarial acquaintances.

I never thought I could improve as a person, especially after my diagnosis.

And yet, here I am. If I had the opportunity to go back ten years to interact with myself, past me would not recognize present me both physically and in personality. I am a completely different person.

It started when I stopped looking at what I couldn’t do and adapted myself, so I could “do.” Embracing a more positive outlook, I started to say “yes,” to more opportunities to grow. I don’t know if that would have happened without my MS.

The Grace of Chronic Illness

Having a chronic illness is awful. This is never in dispute.

There are difficult days where we can’t get anything done. Where we are so miserable, physically, and emotionally, that we just wish it could be over. But the grace of the chronic illness is this: it teaches us compassion towards ourselves and to others in similar situations. We can share our knowledge and experiences with others who are struggling to navigate their chronic illness.

Another reason why we should view ourselves as lotus flowers: the lotus flower represents compassion and courage. We are reborn in our illness and able to cope in ways we previously wouldn’t expect.

The illness teaches us how much we can endure, and we are capable of enduring a lot. You might discover one day that a friend experiences the same pain you do, but cannot manage it without external help. Meanwhile, it’s a pain you experience daily but manage through mindfulness and perseverance.

It’s not about comparing pain or experiences, but acknowledging that our perspectives and thresholds differ from person-to-person. It’s also about acknowledging what you are capable of doing.

Who you are and who you can be.

It would be nice to have a cure for our illnesses in our lifetime. But that may not be on the horizon any time soon. Waiting for a cure and rehabilitation to change our lives is something we may not have the luxury in doing. Shifting our perspective towards our illness, no longer looking at it as an entirely negative force in our life, can help get us on the path of self-discovery and self-appreciation.

The grace of our illness teaches us to appreciate our lives as they are now and the value of life itself.


Like this post? Make sure to follow me on your favorite social media platform and show some love by sharing it. Links found below.

Featured photo credit: Michelle Melton


listening-to-my-self-doubt

Listening to our Self-Doubt

How often have you listened to your self-doubt? Listened to the point that it affects a decision you want to make?

You may not even know you are allowing your self-doubt to affect your decisions. It’s okay. We’ve often done things without realizing the where’s and why’s. But next time you want to make an important decision, and you feel yourself freezing, ask yourself: is this coming from a place of self-doubt?

Listen to the voice that pipes up. What is the tone of the internal conversation? Do you hear encouragement or discouragement? Is the rationale reasonable, or is it unfairly assessing your capabilities?

What Does it Mean?

Self-doubt is the belief we are incapable of doing something. We might compare ourself to others, be obsessively goal-oriented, or feel like an impostor. The end result is feeling like we aren’t able to do something, so why bother trying?

There may be an appearance of logic to our reasoning, i.e., why should we attempt something new that might be dangerous if we’ve never done it before? But that itself is dangerous thinking. It keeps us within our comfort zones and does not allow for growth of any kind.

We have to look at why our self-doubt wants to keep us within an unhealthy dynamic and what it’s trying to tell us.

Often, self-doubt follows moments of deep self-reflection because we are now acutely aware of our limitations. I find that I get frustrated by my anxiety after some self-reflection, which heightens my anxiety and can cause me to freeze. Self-doubt is the voice I hear that encourages me to engage in the unhealthy behavior of staying frozen.

What helps me is figuring out the root of my self-doubt.

Origin of Doubt

Like many of our internal beliefs and behaviors, doubt comes from childhood. It may come from grownups in our lives teaching us to doubt ourselves, or it may come from our experiences. Think back when you did something dangerous on the playground. You may have really hurt yourself to the point of never wanting to take the same risk again. Now you have an aversion towards tasks and opportunities that remind you of the incident.

The self-doubt does not come from a bad place as much as it comes from a place of personal protection. You may want to protect your ego, body, or relationships because you are worried about the pain.

We may no longer be running from other apex predators, but humans still (for the most part) try to avoid painful experiences emotionally and physically. We find ways to protect ourselves from feeling that pain. We may blame others for our own failings, project our deepest thoughts onto others, and we engage in our self-doubt to not even attempt to make changes or do something new.

But it’s about pushing through that pain, embracing it, getting back on that horse and not worrying about the consequences.

But let’s take a moment and talk about those…

The Consequences

When we give into our self-doubt and say “it’s not worth making a lifestyle change;” or “I don’t do diets because they never work;” or “why try finding a way to adapt to my chronic illness, I am never going to be cured;” we accept the severe consequences. Sorry to be melodramatic about it, but the consequences are what keeps us in an unhealthy mindset, body, and approach to our chronic illness.

When we give into our self-doubt, we say it’s okay to be unhealthy.

There are moments, to be sure, when we engage in self-doubt and those are okay provided we find a way to move beyond them. I am talking about refusing to make any changes when you recognize the problem.

A moment of self-doubt that I am still working through is written communication. I love writing my blog posts, but when it comes time to write and email or text message, I freeze. It comes from a place of fear, mostly of the other party expressing frustration or anger at my delay in responding.

So I don’t send the communication. I don’t even write it most times. Which gets me more anxious over how much time has passed…it becomes a vicious cycle.

This unhealthy way of thinking and behaving causes me to lose out on meaningful connections and opportunities because I am so caught up in my self-doubt. It took me years to get healthy because I doubted I could.

You may find yourself in a similar space where your self-doubt stops you. There may be something you really want to do, but because of your chronic illness you don’t want to try because you don’t think you can.

I am here to tell you that you can. You can always try and do something. It may not look exactly the way you want because you don’t have the means to match your mind’s eye, but you can always make an attempt.

At this moment, the only person stopping you from figuring out how you can do it is yourself.


Like this post? Make sure to follow me on your favorite social media platform and show some love by sharing it. Links found below.

Featured photo credit: Canva


setting-reasonable-long-term-goals

Setting Reasonable Long-Term Goals

One of the hardest parts of having a chronic illness is the uncertainty that comes with it. How long will my attacks last? How long do I have before I get permanently worse? What’s the point in setting reasonable long-term goals if I don’t even know what’s going to happen tomorrow?

It’s very easy to go to a negative place with a chronic illness. Even today, after feeling settled about my diagnosis and where I am in life, I have moments where I get negative about my situation. There are days where it feels like the MS is overrunning my life.

That’s why taking the steps for self-improvement can be hard because it feels hopeless to even start. But I want to say that no matter where you are at in your illness, there’s always an opportunity to set goals for personal growth.

Long-Term Goals as Complementary Treatment

The very act of setting a long-term goal while dealing with a chronic illness is a declaration that you are fighting the disease. It’s acknowledging that the disease will not be completely control your life – but you will be getting the control back.

Recent studies focused on the importance of setting goals, specifically with patients diagnosed with a chronic illness. Working with healthcare providers to establish long-term care goals related and unrelated to chronic disease management found that patients benefited from patient-centered care.

Additionally, setting goals outside of disease management, such as making lifestyle and wellness changes for overall health, found that patients positively benefited when no longer focused on disease management metrics.

When we focus on creating beneficial long-term goals either with disease management in mind or not, there are positive outcomes that manifest from the simple process of making the goals. It’s saying “I am going to be here a while and I am not accepting defeat in my disease.”

Hope, while there seems to be very little of it nowadays, does play a role in disease management. It’s not about being unaware of the reality of the situation or not being realistic about the diagnosis. Rather, I would argue it’s a statement that you make to yourself and with others that you are not allowing the illness to have the upper hand despite the ways it manifests.

By maintaining hope and setting long-term goals, you are taking on a more active role with your care and helping to stack the odds in your favor by doing what you need to do to get the best possible care given the circumstances.

Setting Reasonable Long-Term Goals

If you are taking the 2019 Wellness Challenge with MS Mommy Blog, you probably have a long-term goal you’re working on this year. Why am I bringing this up now, at the end of January? Mainly because if you are like me, and I am admittedly average, it’s around this time that I struggle to maintain my resolutions and goals.

I am also bringing it up because it’s to recognize and honor the importance of long-term goal making. I think it’s normal for people to discount the importance of goals, especially when coping with a chronic illness of sorts.

If you haven’t established a long-term goal for 2019, it’s never too late to start. The key is to set a reasonable goal that you know you can undertake.

Even if the goal is to have a five-minute conversation with your healthcare provider about the direction of your care and you know it will take all year to work up the courage to do so, this is a reasonable long-term goal to set for yourself.

This is why I settled on the S.M.A.R.T. method to work through this year. It keeps your goals grounded and applicable to whatever you are looking to do for the year. Make sure you sign-up for the newsletter to get the latest information on how to help set up reasonable long-term goals for the rest of the year.

This Coming Month

February will be focusing on the importance of self-compassion and chronic illness, especially when it relates to self-improvement and wellness. It’s easy for us to get caught up in feeling frustration with our limitations and chronic illness. But if we practice self-compassion and go easy on ourselves whenever possible, we’ll find that maintaining our goals will be easier.

Stay tuned for February.


Like this post? Make sure to follow me on your favorite social media platform and show some love by sharing it. Links found below.

Featured photo credit:  Samuel Scrimshaw on Unsplash


Blogs to Check Out this Summer

As a blogger, it’s important to read and support other bloggers out there, especially those in your area of interest.

In the summer, sometimes I love sitting down and flipping through a good blog while sipping lemonade and appreciating the AC. I’ve compiled a list of some of my favorite blogs that I follow relating to my areas of interest and beyond.

Please give these bloggers a read, they are worth adding to your “to read” list.

MS & Chronic Illness Blogs

Motherhood/Parenting Blogs

Inspiration Blogs

Fitness Blogs

Writing & Art Blogs

What are some of your favorite bloggers out there? I am always looking for more recommendations to add to my reading list. Leave a link to your blog (or someone else’s) in the comments.


Like this post? Make sure to follow me on your favorite social media platform and show some love by sharing it. Links found below.

Featured photo credit: Canva