listening-to-my-self-doubt

Listening to our Self-Doubt

How often have you listened to your self-doubt? Listened to the point that it affects a decision you want to make?

You may not even know you are allowing your self-doubt to affect your decisions. It’s okay. We’ve often done things without realizing the where’s and why’s. But next time you want to make an important decision, and you feel yourself freezing, ask yourself: is this coming from a place of self-doubt?

Listen to the voice that pipes up. What is the tone of the internal conversation? Do you hear encouragement or discouragement? Is the rationale reasonable, or is it unfairly assessing your capabilities?

What Does it Mean?

Self-doubt is the belief we are incapable of doing something. We might compare ourself to others, be obsessively goal-oriented, or feel like an impostor. The end result is feeling like we aren’t able to do something, so why bother trying?

There may be an appearance of logic to our reasoning, i.e., why should we attempt something new that might be dangerous if we’ve never done it before? But that itself is dangerous thinking. It keeps us within our comfort zones and does not allow for growth of any kind.

We have to look at why our self-doubt wants to keep us within an unhealthy dynamic and what it’s trying to tell us.

Often, self-doubt follows moments of deep self-reflection because we are now acutely aware of our limitations. I find that I get frustrated by my anxiety after some self-reflection, which heightens my anxiety and can cause me to freeze. Self-doubt is the voice I hear that encourages me to engage in the unhealthy behavior of staying frozen.

What helps me is figuring out the root of my self-doubt.

Origin of Doubt

Like many of our internal beliefs and behaviors, doubt comes from childhood. It may come from grownups in our lives teaching us to doubt ourselves, or it may come from our experiences. Think back when you did something dangerous on the playground. You may have really hurt yourself to the point of never wanting to take the same risk again. Now you have an aversion towards tasks and opportunities that remind you of the incident.

The self-doubt does not come from a bad place as much as it comes from a place of personal protection. You may want to protect your ego, body, or relationships because you are worried about the pain.

We may no longer be running from other apex predators, but humans still (for the most part) try to avoid painful experiences emotionally and physically. We find ways to protect ourselves from feeling that pain. We may blame others for our own failings, project our deepest thoughts onto others, and we engage in our self-doubt to not even attempt to make changes or do something new.

But it’s about pushing through that pain, embracing it, getting back on that horse and not worrying about the consequences.

But let’s take a moment and talk about those…

The Consequences

When we give into our self-doubt and say “it’s not worth making a lifestyle change;” or “I don’t do diets because they never work;” or “why try finding a way to adapt to my chronic illness, I am never going to be cured;” we accept the severe consequences. Sorry to be melodramatic about it, but the consequences are what keeps us in an unhealthy mindset, body, and approach to our chronic illness.

When we give into our self-doubt, we say it’s okay to be unhealthy.

There are moments, to be sure, when we engage in self-doubt and those are okay provided we find a way to move beyond them. I am talking about refusing to make any changes when you recognize the problem.

A moment of self-doubt that I am still working through is written communication. I love writing my blog posts, but when it comes time to write and email or text message, I freeze. It comes from a place of fear, mostly of the other party expressing frustration or anger at my delay in responding.

So I don’t send the communication. I don’t even write it most times. Which gets me more anxious over how much time has passed…it becomes a vicious cycle.

This unhealthy way of thinking and behaving causes me to lose out on meaningful connections and opportunities because I am so caught up in my self-doubt. It took me years to get healthy because I doubted I could.

You may find yourself in a similar space where your self-doubt stops you. There may be something you really want to do, but because of your chronic illness you don’t want to try because you don’t think you can.

I am here to tell you that you can. You can always try and do something. It may not look exactly the way you want because you don’t have the means to match your mind’s eye, but you can always make an attempt.

At this moment, the only person stopping you from figuring out how you can do it is yourself.


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Featured photo credit: Canva

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Setting Reasonable Long-Term Goals

One of the hardest parts of having a chronic illness is the uncertainty that comes with it. How long will my attacks last? How long do I have before I get permanently worse? What’s the point in setting reasonable long-term goals if I don’t even know what’s going to happen tomorrow?

It’s very easy to go to a negative place with a chronic illness. Even today, after feeling settled about my diagnosis and where I am in life, I have moments where I get negative about my situation. There are days where it feels like the MS is overrunning my life.

That’s why taking the steps for self-improvement can be hard because it feels hopeless to even start. But I want to say that no matter where you are at in your illness, there’s always an opportunity to set goals for personal growth.

Long-Term Goals as Complementary Treatment

The very act of setting a long-term goal while dealing with a chronic illness is a declaration that you are fighting the disease. It’s acknowledging that the disease will not be completely control your life – but you will be getting the control back.

Recent studies focused on the importance of setting goals, specifically with patients diagnosed with a chronic illness. Working with healthcare providers to establish long-term care goals related and unrelated to chronic disease management found that patients benefited from patient-centered care.

Additionally, setting goals outside of disease management, such as making lifestyle and wellness changes for overall health, found that patients positively benefited when no longer focused on disease management metrics.

When we focus on creating beneficial long-term goals either with disease management in mind or not, there are positive outcomes that manifest from the simple process of making the goals. It’s saying “I am going to be here a while and I am not accepting defeat in my disease.”

Hope, while there seems to be very little of it nowadays, does play a role in disease management. It’s not about being unaware of the reality of the situation or not being realistic about the diagnosis. Rather, I would argue it’s a statement that you make to yourself and with others that you are not allowing the illness to have the upper hand despite the ways it manifests.

By maintaining hope and setting long-term goals, you are taking on a more active role with your care and helping to stack the odds in your favor by doing what you need to do to get the best possible care given the circumstances.

Setting Reasonable Long-Term Goals

If you are taking the 2019 Wellness Challenge with MS Mommy Blog, you probably have a long-term goal you’re working on this year. Why am I bringing this up now, at the end of January? Mainly because if you are like me, and I am admittedly average, it’s around this time that I struggle to maintain my resolutions and goals.

I am also bringing it up because it’s to recognize and honor the importance of long-term goal making. I think it’s normal for people to discount the importance of goals, especially when coping with a chronic illness of sorts.

If you haven’t established a long-term goal for 2019, it’s never too late to start. The key is to set a reasonable goal that you know you can undertake.

Even if the goal is to have a five-minute conversation with your healthcare provider about the direction of your care and you know it will take all year to work up the courage to do so, this is a reasonable long-term goal to set for yourself.

This is why I settled on the S.M.A.R.T. method to work through this year. It keeps your goals grounded and applicable to whatever you are looking to do for the year. Make sure you sign-up for the newsletter to get the latest information on how to help set up reasonable long-term goals for the rest of the year.

This Coming Month

February will be focusing on the importance of self-compassion and chronic illness, especially when it relates to self-improvement and wellness. It’s easy for us to get caught up in feeling frustration with our limitations and chronic illness. But if we practice self-compassion and go easy on ourselves whenever possible, we’ll find that maintaining our goals will be easier.

Stay tuned for February.


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Featured photo credit:  Samuel Scrimshaw on Unsplash


Blogs to Check Out this Summer

As a blogger, it’s important to read and support other bloggers out there, especially those in your area of interest.

In the summer, sometimes I love sitting down and flipping through a good blog while sipping lemonade and appreciating the AC. I’ve compiled a list of some of my favorite blogs that I follow relating to my areas of interest and beyond.

Please give these bloggers a read, they are worth adding to your “to read” list.

MS & Chronic Illness Blogs

Motherhood/Parenting Blogs

Inspiration Blogs

Fitness Blogs

Writing & Art Blogs

What are some of your favorite bloggers out there? I am always looking for more recommendations to add to my reading list. Leave a link to your blog (or someone else’s) in the comments.


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Featured photo credit: Canva

 


Extended Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding is a controversial topic. I will admit that I participated in the controversy before getting pregnant.

A couple of years ago, I saw a mother allow her two-year-old lift up her shirt and feed on the playground. I was appalled, not by the public feeding – I was all for normalizing breastfeeding, but at the age of the child and the perceived lack of discipline on the mother’s part. I swore I would never allow my child to breastfeed past a certain age, especially in public.

And then I started doing some research on the matter.

I will admit this before going further: I completely changed my mind on the matter and became more open to the idea of breastfeeding a child past the recommended 6-12 months and didn’t care when the feeding happened. If a child is hungry or in need of comfort and I wasn’t bothering anyone, then I will take care of my child.

My (old) Personal Hangups

I hold many Western notions closely in judgment for a lot of things, especially concepts that make me seem prudish. I blame growing up in New England. Before getting pregnant, breastfeeding was right up there.

When I saw women breastfeeding toddlers or read articles about women who extreme breastfed, I thought something Oedipal was going on, particular mothers of boys. It seemed inappropriate to be breastfeeding a child, a son no less, past a certain age where there was the potential for them to remember and cause psychological issues.

I thought that mothers were setting their children up for a lifetime of emotional stunting because breastfeeding past the age of one was massively inappropriate. I kept my thoughts to myself whenever I encountered a stranger breastfeeding, but I may have made faces and commented out of earshot to Ash or a companion.

Read More


What’s New and Did You Know?

I apologize for the lull at the MS//Mommy Blog and the MS//Mommy Facebook Page: I’m currently fighting a nasty spring cold that refuses to go away. I am hoping to wrap it up this weekend but needless to say, it’s really annoying and interfering with my work.

While I am waiting to get back on my feet, and following my own advice, I wanted to highlight some blog items, what I’m up to, and social media information. Back to our regularly scheduled posts next week!

It’s May!

May celebrates Mother’s Day in the US, so we’ll be focusing this month on motherhood. A more detailed post will be forthcoming, but MS//Mommy has already changed its look to reflect the month’s theme. Check it out if you haven’t had a chance.

Currently Bookmarked

Here are some books I am currently working my way through either on Audible or on my nightstand. I haven’t completed them, but I can definitively say that I am finding the reading enjoyable and informative. I am hoping to throw in some pleasure reading soon.

I am one of those people who has multiple books started and jumps around. I should probably work on that…

Books in Queue

These links are part of the Amazon Affiliate program.

 

Did you know?

If you follow MS//Mommy on WordPress, did you know I have a bunch of Social Media accounts to follow as well? My main account is the Facebook page where I post additional articles relating to the day’s post. It’s a great way to connect with me and others.

Check out all my accounts below:


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