The Check-In

A Different Type of Love

A few months before I met Ash, I had an acquaintance confide in me that they didn’t love their partner as much as they loved their newborn.

The love, they said, for their partner was replaced with a deeper love for the baby.

They felt guilty by this shift in the relationship, but knew that this was necessary to being a good parent.

I wasn’t sure how to respond because I wasn’t a parent and I wasn’t in a relationship, so I did what any awkward single person would do: I nodded and affirmed that they had nothing to feel guilty about. It made perfect sense to me: love for a partner could easily be replaced with love for a child. Biologically, we are geared towards wanting to care for our offspring more in order to ensure its survival into adulthood.

They were talking about simple biology and I had no reason to disagree. I asked if they told their partner about this shift in relationship dynamics. They hadn’t at the time, but that was a very difficult conversation, so I didn’t blame them.

Now that I am nearly a year-and-a-half into parenthood, I remembered our conversation: the aquaintance wasn’t wrong about the shifting love. The love I have for Jai is deeper than the love I have for Ash, but it is a different type of love.

I still love Ash deeply, more so every day because of all that he does for his family, but the love I have for Ash is completely different from the love I have for Jai.

Different Types of Love

Psychologically speaking, there are 7 different types of love. For Ash, my love is more nuanced and a combination of erosludusand pragma. Whereas my love for Jai is storge and therefore completely platonic in nature.

So it isn’t that I love Ash or Jai more/equally I just cannot compare or measure the love for either because the love is so different.

The fact that my acquaintance was concerned about this conundrum is not unusual: there are plenty of forum posts and articles out there where mothers admit to loving their children more than their partners.

Unfortunately, what does not seem to be addressed is that the love between partners and the love between parent/child has to be different. I feel like this is obvious, but there shouldn’t be the same sort of sexual feelings for the child that would happen with a partner.

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Information Huddle

Gluten and the Autoimmune Disease

Gluten is delicious. I love gluten. I love bread that is crusty on the outside yet chewy on the inside. I love bread-based sweets like donuts or kringles when I ate sugar.

While I love gluten, it can be problematic for people with autoimmune diseases and sensitivities like me, which is a huge disappointment for a consumate foodie.

What is Gluten?

“Gluten is a mixture of proteins found mostly in wheat, but also in barley, rye, and oats. These grains make up many of our breads, pastas, granolas, noodles, tortillas, and beers.” – Popular Science

In my previous jaunts into veganism, I became a huge fan of Vital Wheat Gluten (VWG) to make the ever versatile and ever tasty Seitan. Talk about overdosing on gluten.

If you don’t have any issues with gluten, I recommend either making seitan or going to a vegetarian restaurant with fake meat. Chances are it’s seitan and it’s mind boggling how similar to meat it is in flavor and texture. It’s perfect if you are a newly minted vegetarian/vegan and you still crave that meaty flavor.

Gluten, figuratively speaking, is one of the glues that binds the world together. In it’s various forms it helped civilizations grow and flourish when it was cultivated and it is in plenty of Western recipes that it has a solid place in our culture of eating.

For many people, gluten does not negatively impact or affect their health, though removing it from one’s diet is viewed as a means to promote weight loss. The science is still out as to whether cutting gluten from a person’s diet who doesn’t have an autoimmune disease is beneficial. But going gluten-free in recent years is the thing to do in order to promote personal health and well-being.

As an aside: I think being gluten-free falls into that category of: “if I think it works and I am seeing benefits from it, then it works.” I am not going to judge.

However, if you have an autoimmune disease, gluten can affect you differently and that’s what I want to examine further in today’s post.

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Diet Shift

Week 7(or 8): Good-bye Gluten

I took an impromptu break from the diet shifts and blogging last week.

I think it was a combination of being really busy, finishing up my chest cold, and not ready to drop gluten. It may have been an issue with my MS fatigue, though I hate admitting to that considering all the changes I’ve been making. I’ve been feeling really good overall and to have a bad couple of days is discouraging.

I think it’s a good example that nothing I do is going to be 100% in coping with my MS. It’s still there, I still have it, and I still have to deal with it regardless of all the lifestyle changes and medication.

That reality is really hard to handle.

But the key is to not get discouraged and keep moving forward. Having setbacks here and there is normal, it’s how I deal with them that really matters.

I struggled with the concept of dropping gluten from my diet last week because sometimes you want a pizza (vegan) with that crispy, glutinous crust. So I went ahead and had that vegan pizza and enjoyed it.

So this week I am rededicating my lifestyle changes and dropping gluten.

I think it’s going to be a “temporary” drop because it’s going to be near impossible to adhere to my diet changes over the Thanksgiving holiday (especially the no gluten part). We’re going to visit Ash’s family and I am not going to expect them to provide for my dietary needs.

I will try to take my diet into account with my decisions, but I am not going to force the issue of “I can’t eat this, because…” I think the only two food groups I will be consistent in avoiding is sugar and dairy. But not push the issue with anything else because I hate being an imposition.

Once we get back I will hop back to it, and possibly consider doing an ayurvedic detox because the final drop is essentially removing “dirty” foods from my diet and switching to clean eating.

For Wednesday, I plan to examine some theories I have read about gluten and autoimmune diseases and the nature of gluten on the body.

Here’s to getting back to it!

 

 

 

The Check-In

Checking In: No More Sugar

Cutting sugar went easier than I expected, though there were a few days where I was irritable according to Ash. I refuse to believe him, but deep down I know he’s correct. No longer having that emotional crutch makes for a very grumpy me.

Psychologically speaking, it was a lot easier than I expected. As long as I didn’t have sugary treats in the house (I tossed all of our sweets or sent them with Ash to work); I avoided buying sugary drinks (everyone knows that my weakness is a good Pumpkin Spice Latte in the fall); and if I had fruit for any sweet cravings, I was good to go. Every time I drove by a Starbucks there was a temptation to pull in and just give into that PSL craving, but I made sure to keep going and have a few bites of pineapple as soon as I got home.

During the couple of times I did eventually stop at a Starbucks I made sure to only order an Americano*. Before I was pregnant I had gotten into the habit of drinking all my coffee black unless it was a latte, so it wasn’t extremely hard for me to get back into drinking these strong drinks with nothing in them. I think it helped a bit too. Coffee is a wonder drug (and sadly, probably something I need to add to my drop list), and can make a lot of things better when I am grumpy.

I didn’t notice any headaches, though at the beginning of the week I was more lethargic and in need of an extra nap or two during the day. By the time Ash came home from work, I was very ready to pass Jai off to him so I could lay down and not think or move for an hour. By day 3 or so, I had a little more energy and by this morning (day 5), I had even more energy to do my running around without need of a nap.

I also noticed that during my longer run on Thursday, I was able to keep up with my mom and felt less fatigued at the end of it. I also felt motivated to go again this morning (though that would be off schedule). Me? Motivated to run off schedule? This really is unheard of – I hate running.

When I was at the grocery story to make purchases for the family, I did make sure to review all the labels like I said I would: any time it was High Fructose Corn Syrup or unidentified form of “sugar,” I would move along. From my research they said that sugar is hidden in everything and it really is true. Sugar is everywhere. Foods that I normally love to eat, like certain types of crackers or even grab-n-go frozen meals…all contain sugar. I also made sure to avoid agave and honey. If it was sweetened with fruit juice or dates – I would be willing to grab it to consume.

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Information Huddle

Bittersweet Truths About Sugar

Sugar and sweeteners are everywhere. Sugar is like a drug: it certainly feels addictive when that particular time of day rolls around; for me it’s mid-afternoon and late evening when Jai is asleep. I just have to have something sweet to appease that craving and sometimes one piece of candy will not do. Funny enough, during other times of the day, I could pass by the stuff and not think anything about it.

Plenty of popular Western culture references stems from binging on sugar: from ice cream for heartache to characters with massive sweet tooths.

Women are courted by advertisers to buy chocolate during their menses. Children are bombarded with sugary cereals and treats during their favorite TV shows or mobile games. Men get advertisements for carbonated drinks to help boost their competitive abilities.

There is a clear bias for the stuff. And it makes sense given the narrative: it boosts brainpower, gives you energy, makes you feel good, and is all around amazing. In fact, the idea of going without sugar is one met with disbelief. Go ahead and tell someone that you plan to drop sugar. You’ll get one of these responses:

  • Really? I could never do that. I love the stuff too much.
  • Oh, [Someone’s name] did that awhile ago. She didn’t last 24 hours before caving in.
  • How will you survive without [insert your favorite beverage/treat of choice]?
  • Why? Do you think you need to lose weight?
  • We’ll see how long that lasts. I bet you’ll be back to eating it within a week.
  • Just as long as you don’t get all smug and preachy over it…

Many responses revolve around the narrative that we, as human beings, cannot live without sugar. And the truth is, Western diet is high in sugarcane (or some version of sweetener). So it’s understandable that the idea of dropping something so pervasive in our diet is out of the ordinary.

I watched this video in preparation of today’s post and it sums up the issues we face as consumers of sugar in the Western diet…

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Information Huddle

Taking One to the Gut

If I had to make a completely unfounded claim that is based purely on anecdotal evidence, I would make the argument that all things gut related is the current fascination of the scientific and medical world for the past several years. It seems that on a monthly basis a new study comes out relating to the importance of gut bacteria on personal health.

Just in September, these are some of the health connections made in studies regarding gut bacteria:

This study (or a similar one) was making the rounds earlier this year. And that’s the one that got me to thinking: while I can’t cure my MS since it has already developed, could I manage it if I brought my gut flora under control?

Personally, as an everyday person, there is no way of knowing the make up of my gut bacteria without special tools and the supervision of medical professionals. There are some rudimentary ways of determining the health of my gut flora, but I don’t even know if I will be able to readily find the particular bacteria I need to control/maintain/cope with my MS without having to undergo some more extreme measures.

And maybe these studies will  prove to be unhelpful in MS therapy, but I find the connection between gut health and overall health a compelling and reasonable conclusion considering we are talking about billions and billions of microorganisms living in our bodies. Therapies and studies are already moving to reflect the fact that these microorganisms really do have an impact on our overall health.

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