ms-covid-19

MS in the Time of COVID-19

I wanted to write a post about what it’s like to have MS in the time of COVID-19. A pandemic that overwhelmingly affects people with underlying conditions, which MS is. Chronic disease is an underlying condition. Adding in an immunosuppressant DMT can increase the risk of not being able to fight COVID-19. 

Does this mean I have an increased chance of dying from COVID-19 if I get it?

It’s not a simple “yes” or “no.” The answer is mostly, “I don’t know, but I can point to what the experts currently say on the matter.” Then I have to do what is right for me to stay safe. 

MS and COVID-19

First things, first. I am not a healthcare worker. Nor am I in public health. My knowledge in this area is minimal. It starts and stops with the amount of research I am willing to do on the matter. Therefore, take what follows, not as a replacement for medical expert advice.

And that’s what I want to may a point of: do your research on your condition. What you find might bring small comfort. 

When I sat down and researched my risk as someone with MS, who at one point in time was on an immunosuppressant DMT, I was shocked by what I found. For the current medical research out there, I am not at an increased risk of dying from COVID-19 if I got it. If I were older or had a comorbid condition, then I would be at a higher risk of contracting and struggling to fight the illness.

Outside of the MS, I am healthy. I have asthma, which is problematic. Still, my asthma is so well under control that you could make the argument that I don’t have it (diagnosed in childhood).

But if you have MS, your MS alone will not increase your chances of not being able to fight COVID-19. It’s everything surrounding the MS that might cause issues. That is why we, as people with chronic conditions, must be vigilant in how we approach this illness. 

Listen to current guidance from reputable health organizations, like the CDCWHO, or NHS. If you live in the United States, turn off the TV during the daily press briefings. Rarely will you get useful information on how to stay safe at this time, unless it is coming from the NIAID director. It is hard science and facts that will keep us safe and get us through this. Not intuition or feelings.

This is a great resource for what you can do to stay safe while living with MS.

When I was a Statistic

I recognize that not everyone is as lucky as me with their MS or chronic illness. At the very beginning of this crisis hitting the United States, I genuinely believed I was going to die from COVID-19. I swore that my MS would be the cause of it or my DMT.

For a solid month, I believed I was the person the news referred to when they said “underlying conditions” and “immunocompromised.” I was immunocompromised while on Tecfidera. But given the side effects I experienced and the pandemic, I decided to drop the DMT. I will be speaking more to my decision, and to my neurologist, on what my next steps will be in a later post. 

During this time, I was frightened. What I was most afraid of was not the illness itself, but leaving Jai and Ash. Jai would barely have memories of his mother, and I desperately wanted him to at least remember the love I have for him. Three is much too young to lose a parent, and my fear was for him rather than myself.

Believing I was a statistic brought on additional stress and frustration. It escalated my chances of an exacerbation (though I have yet to have one). It made my emotions run all over the place. I felt out of control, and I’ve talked about how problematic that is for me before. Grouping myself into the statistics was toxic for my mental health. 

I had to reign it in for myself and my family. That’s where the research helped me have a realistic picture of my situation. It gave me the necessary tools to feel more in control and how I managed my MS moving forward. I needed to find ways to provide myself comfort.

Finding Comfort

I want to preface this section by saying I am incredibly privileged to be secure in my home, my work, my food, and my family situation. I know not everyone is as lucky as me.

So, where do I find comfort at this time?

For me, it’s staying up-to-date on the latest science. I make sure to get it from vetted, reputable sources, not opinion-based “news” sites. There is only one way to look at the pandemic, and that is through hard science. The beauty of science is that it is always evolving. It is ever-changing when it runs into a dead-end or a faulty hypothesis. It adapts and finds new answers that push everything forward. 

It is through the science that I’ve found that I don’t need to live with the same level of fear I did a month ago. It is where I found my comfort.

But that said, the science is changing so much daily that it is sometimes best to give myself a day or two break from the latest news. Some days I only look at the information in the morning and don’t bother to interact with it for a day or two. 

Instead, I’ve created schedules for myself and the family that I stick by as much as possible. I try to create some version of a routine for us to help with our mental health.

Other things I am doing that provide comfort:

  • I minimalize our interaction with the public as much as possible. I’m getting us down to grocery shopping every other week. 
  • I made masks for the whole family. I wear the mask and gloves each time I have to go shopping (I properly dispose of the gloves, in my garbage at home).
  • I social distance as much as possible on runs or walks.
  • I wash my hands for 20 seconds and avoid touching my face for the day if I’ve been out in public.

The most important activity I do is to remind myself that this is temporary and will not be forever. I view all of this as a passing situation that I have to deal with for the next few months (or years), and will ultimately be a blip in what I hope will be a long life.

Yes, it hurts to be away from friends and running buddies. Yes, it hurts not to be able to go out in public spaces whenever I want. However, I am helping those on the frontlines of this fight by not putting myself in the hospital. 

Ultimately, I do not know which way the wind will blow if I catch COVID-19. I could be asymptomatic, it could be like a bad flu. Or it could be so devastating that I do need to be put on a ventilator. I don’t know how my body will react to it if I get it. Therefore, I take this time not to be angry at the injustice of it all, and it is unjust, but to appreciate what I am getting out of it. I am getting time with my family, time to read, time to explore new hobbies, and time to learn more about myself. 

I am grateful that I can write that last sentence. I know not everyone can.

We are in a difficult time, and living with MS makes it even more challenging. But the current science says that our MS alone will not increase our chances of getting and dying from COVID-19. The comorbid conditions impact that. I hope you find the same small comfort I did when I learned this information.

Remember, continue to follow the appropriate guidelines and keep yourself safe. We are in this together, and together we will get through it.

Attention to Chronic Illness Bloggers!

The MS Mommy Blog is looking to collaborate with other chronic illness bloggers for this year. If you have a chronic illness blog and would like an opportunity to tap into the MS Mommy Blog audience, please contact me here. I look forward to hearing from you.


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Assessing your Chronic Illness

Chronic illness takes many different paths. For some people, their illness takes over their lives, rendering them immobilized from disability. For others, it registers as a minor inconvenience where they can lead relatively “normal” lives. And there’s a chunk of people who fall somewhere in the middle. As we near the end of the year, it’s an excellent opportunity to assess our chronic illness objectively. As we look towards the new year, it allows us to enter 2020 with a fresh perspective about ourselves and our disease(s).

Often, we think we know where we fall in our chronic illness scale. Sometimes, our emotional mindset distorts the actual reality. I make this point as someone who fell into a trap believing I was worse than I was. It took several self-reflection sessions to realize I was not looking at my MS realistically.

Because I was unrealistic about my MS, I was not approaching my management effectively. I thought I couldn’t exercise, I couldn’t hold down work, and struggled for a time over becoming a mother. My distorted view of my abilities limited me for several years from achieving my personal goals.

Now, this isn’t the case for everyone. You may find that you do have a realistic grasp of your disease, and that’s an ideal place to be. You know what you need to do to manage it. However, if you haven’t taken the time to assess your illness and abilities, you may have some positive news after your reflection. You may find that you are more capable than you expected.

Assessing Your Wellness

There are times where we are painfully aware of our abilities and limitations. If diagnosed with an extreme form of your chronic illness, like Primary-Progressive or Secondary-Progressive MS, then there is a physical limit to your abilities. There is a clear delineation between what can and cannot be done.

But the majority of the people diagnosed with MS are initially diagnosed with RRMS, around 85%, which is a “milder” form of the disease. There is a range between those who barely feel their MS to those who undiagnosed PPMS or SPMS. And because of this range, it’s hard to be sure of our capabilities. While it might be tempting to do, we should never compare ourselves to others as the manifestation of the disease changes from person-to-person.

Easy to say but hard to do when it’s in our nature to measure ourselves by others. When you have celebrities out there publicly displaying the most extreme aspects of their MS, without providing any context (if they have RRMS, PPMS, or SPMS), it’s hard not to wonder: will that be me someday? Will I need an extreme form of drug therapy? Will I have to shave my head? Will I lose my voice? Will I need an expensive mobility scooter?

How bad will my chronic illness get, and should I be more cautious in how I live to avoid progressing the disease along?

Chances are, you won’t follow the same path as these celebrities, at least not right away. But ask yourself this: is the mental image of my disease, in its current state, matching reality? Am I making decisions on my condition based on what I see others doing, and not what I am capable of doing? Have I removed myself from the equation altogether and not effectively treating my disease?

To restate: do we fall into the trap of pre-maturely disabling ourselves because we have a distorted view of our illness?

I did. For years after getting my diagnosis, I assumed I would be permanently disabled by the time I hit forty. I started to act like I was on the path of disability, discouraging myself from actively treating my disease beyond medication. I had the attitude of “why bother?” for a lot of things in my life. If I had eight more quality years, why commit to something that would take ten years? 

It wasn’t until I committed to becoming a mother did I start to assess my abilities honestly. It took months after Jai’s birth for me to realize my perspective about my illness did not match reality. While I still deal with fatigue, I was not fast-tracked to immobility by forty as I thought. When I realized this was the case, I saw the limitations I kept experiencing surrounding my MS wasn’t from the disease but from me.

It was rather liberating when I came to this realization.

Going into the New Year with a Chronic Illness

Taking the time to assess your chronic illness provides you with the tools to decide how you want to approach the new year. If you’ve wanted to make some goals for yourself, but felt discouraged over whether you can do it or not, take time to assess and test yourself. 

For example, you may accurately assess that you cannot walk very far due to mobility issues. But you’ve always had a goal to walk a mile a day and were reasonably concerned about achieving said goal. Be adaptive, set the goal, and safely work yourself up to walking a mile a day. There will be days where you can achieve your mini-goals and days where you should honor your limitations. It may take you all year to work up to that mile, but what will you learn about yourself in that time?

Two things you will hopefully learn in the year: one, that you aren’t as limited by your illness as you thought. Two, you are more resilient than you might previously give yourself credit. Goals, if they are worth it to you, take time. Try not to feel discouraged if you find it takes longer than expected to reach your goal.

If you assessed your abilities and found yourself more capable than previously thought, like me, then take time to set goals and find your true limitations (in a healthy manner). Honor what your medical professional says, follow their guidelines, and work to break free of any mental blocks you’ve placed on yourself.

You may find that you are better managing your illness because you are allowing yourself to be more aware of what you can and cannot do. The benefits of goal-setting and working towards those goals are numerous and worth doing. 

The key is to take a chance and figure out where you stand in your illness and deciding if you are honest with yourself. Once you’ve done so, you never know what you can achieve in the new year.


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Love & MS

This post was originally published in February 2018. I’ve updated it to include a follow up since the original publication.


We don’t get to choose whether or not we get MS, nor do we get to decide when we get that diagnosis. For some, it comes while in a relationship, and for others, it happens outside of one.

Either scenario forces the following self-reflectiondoes my partner stay with me? And, do I disclose my situation on a date? MS is challenging because it turns partners or potential partners into caretakers.

It fosters self-doubt after the diagnosisis my partner with me because they feel obligated? Do they resent having to care for me? Are they only interested in me because they have to “fix” me? What happens if they leave or die before me?

It is little wonder that many bloggers and experts refer to MS as the third wheel in a relationship. It’s an unwanted obstacle that can put a strain on any current or budding relationship.

The Third Wheel

MS is the unpredictable cousin that comes into your life and needs a place to crash until they get on their feet. They take up space on a centrally located couch and refuse to leave when you want to watch a movie with your partner (or bring a date home). They say they are looking for a job, but really spend all day watching half-hour courtroom shows with ads for injury lawyers.

It’s that cousin that interrupts you every time you want to have a conversation with someone. Because of the interruption, you forget what you were saying and get frustrated because you can’t remember.

Simply put: MS is an unwelcome third-party to your relationship that isn’t going to leave anytime soon. No matter how many times you ask it to get its act together and move on.

Trying to figure MS out and how it factors into a relationship is extremely hard. In addition to maintaining a relationship, I am trying to learn my limitations. How much do I put on or ask of Ash? Should I even ask him to help? Is the relationship lopsided? Am I really that bad that I need his help? Or am I just imagining things?

MS is always hiding in the background of every thought or action I take. I have to plan out my day to make sure I have enough energy for when Ash gets home to make any interactions with him meaningful. I have to pause frequently and ask myself: am I feeling this way because this is normal for someone who only got 4 hours of sleep with a teething toddler, or is this because of the MS?

As you can see, I ask myself a lot of questions. I tend to overthink things, and so it takes a lot of energy to manage my MS. So when it is time for quality time with Ash, sometimes I just don’t have what it takes to be the partner I think he deserves.

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Checking In: MS Symptoms

This post was originally published in February 2018. I’ve updated it to include a follow up since the original publication.


What good is discussing diet and lifestyle changes if I don’t reveal the ongoing results?

Doing an honest self-assessment of any sort is hard, particularly when trying to find ways to manage an unmanageable disease. There’s a huge desire to make everything a “success” or engage in placebo effect-like thinking, but that isn’t always the case.

Overall, I feel like I am managing my MS better. Still, on a day-to-day basis, my mileage may vary because of various external factors.

Current Health Self-Check

Currently, I am not doing so well. Not necessarily because of the MS, but I have a weird seasonal head cold. Drippy nose, sore throat, and exhaustion. I can only assume that if a person without MS gets a virus like this, they may feel wiped out but can go about their daily lives with minimal interference.

With MS and any illness, I get so wiped out that getting out of bed is a hardship. Ash had to stay home until Jai went down for his morning nap on Tuesday because I was so worn out. I needed the extra couple of hours of sleep. This afforded me before I was able to start the day and take care of a toddler. Jai and I stayed in our PJs and read lots of books and minimized movement so I wouldn’t overdo it.

This is a crucial example of why getting sick with MS is “dangerous.” It won’t necessarily cause any physical harm. Still, infections are a significant cause of flare-ups, so there is a risk of needing to get steroids to treat the inflammation. I don’t get avoidant if I know someone is sick. Still, I do recognize that even a simple cold can knock me off my feet for a couple of days that might just inconvenience someone else.

I usually wouldn’t write about getting sick factoring into how I am currently feeling because I tend not to get sick all that often. Still, since having Jai, it has become a more common occurrence. 

Beyond the cold, I am feeling okay overall. There’s been some emotional disappointment in not being able to maintain my diet as strictly as I wanted. I am doing what is best for my overall health, and that is more important. My brain fog and memory issues haven’t lessened, but that may be because I am not doing enough mental exercises to help stimulate neuron repair.

Fatigue is still an issue, but not so much on the days that I am more active. I find high-cardio days mean that I have more energy throughout the day. On the days I only do yoga, there might be a more significant dip in energy by the afternoon.

Being completely honest: I haven’t noticed many changes since my last check-in after my diet reset. I feel more active, happier, less sluggish, but no apparent changes to my MS symptoms.

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parenting-with-a-disability

Parenting with a Disability

This post was originally published in February 2018. I’ve updated it to include a follow up since the original publication.


This is the final week in a 3-week series on parenting observations. Week one is based on gentle parentingweek two is about parenting with compassion, and week three is about parenting with a disability.

These posts are based on my personal experiences as a parent and are not meant in any way to judge other parenting styles or decisions. I am offering my own research and conclusions as possible suggestions for others out there; therefore, these posts will be as objective as possible. When it comes to parenting: if the method isn’t abusive, there really isn’t a wrong way to parent your child. Be secure and do what works best for you and your family and ignore outside judgment.


For many people, parenthood is fraught with challenges: getting enough sleep, the terrible twos, and the need for independence as children grow older. For a select few, there is the added challenge of balancing parenting and a disability of some sort.

Parenting without a disability is difficult, and parenting with one presents its own unique challenges. With some adaptations, parenting with a disability is no harder than parenting without one. Remember: it’s comparing apples and oranges; each type is challenging and straightforward in their own ways.

The key is to know what the limits are, having a support system of some sort to help manage those limitations, and keeping everything in a proper perspective.

In the final week of my parenting series, this week will be based more on observations from my own experience coupled with resources found online. If you are a parent with a disability, you may see some similarities in your situation. Hopefully, this will provide some validation to your experience.

Nota bene: This post will be using the universal “you/second person” pronouns throughout, so it may not speak to your experience directly.

Visible versus Invisible

There are two different types of disabilities out there: the ones you can see and the ones you cannot. For people with invisible disabilities, this can lead to a lot of issues, mainly if a person looks “normal” but uses a handicap parking space. A person does not need to be in a wheelchair, despite the universal logo, to be disabled.

Multiple Sclerosis can be both: for those with PPMS and SPMS (and at times, RRMS), it’s a more visible disability. The person can use a cane, walker, or scooter. It can be abnormal speech patterns, cognitive difficulties, or physical weakness. The outside observer can see the disability.

But many with RRMS don’t display outward symptoms of their diagnosis. Yet, the disability can still be there: fatigue, mental fog, or pain. Flare-ups can cause limb weakness or numbness, which several limits mobility for a short time.

When it is hard to see the disability, it is hard for outsiders to understand the extent of the disability. This can lead to feelings of frustration, inadequacy, and self-doubt by the person with the diagnosis.

Parenting with an invisible disability adds an additional layer of complications: sometimes, it’s hard to make playdate plans because you don’t know how you might feel that day. You may not remember simple details about your child’s life, and therefore seem disengaged with the parenting process from the outside. None of these reasons make you less of a parent, it just alters how you parent.

Ultimately, for those with an invisible disability, they can spend part of their day mentally preparing for outside judgment because people might not know or understand the situation. Outside judgment isn’t a daily occurrence, but when it happens, it stings because you are left feeling inadequate.

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