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I Hate Self-Improvement

We’re finally addressing what I’ve thought many times and I’m sure you’ve too: I hate self-improvement.

We can pack everything up. Everyone head home. The blog’s done. Everything’s been said that needs to be told and we can move on with our lives. It’s been really nice taking this near two-year journey with you.

Okay, we all know I am joking. I still have lots to write about, and I am not ready to finish. But let’s take a moment to acknowledge this truth: self-improvement stinks because it moves us into a space of feeling uncomfortable. As discussed in Monday’s post, Bishop writes about our tendency to be risk-averse when confronted with going outside our comfort zones.

Self-improvement only comes when we get outside our comfort zone and acknowledge that what we are doing is not working. When we stick to our ruts, we do not grow. When we stop growing, we are more susceptible to dissatisfaction.

Chronic illness does a lot to keep us in our place. We feel a lot of pain wrapped up in the diagnosis. Every day is a fight to manage our health, our time, and our lives. Asking ourselves to take that extra step to make simple improvements can feel unreasonable.

Settling into a mindset of hating self-improvement is easy. And that’s okay, you can hate it. You can hate it in the same way you hate exercising, but know you should take a few minutes a day; hate eating a particular way, but know it helps you feel better; and hate taking your disease-modifying drugs, but they keep you stable or alive. No one is saying that saying to make self-improvement changes with a smile on your face.

I refuse to believe people who make self-improvement/self-help their life don’t have moments where they hate what they are doing.

You may hate exercise, eating a certain way, or taking your medication, but you know you need to in order to feel and get better. The same with self-improvement. You can hate it, but it is good for you all the same. Remember this: making simple improvements can help you better manage your illness which is what I am encouraging you to do.

The Problem with Self-Improvement

Self-improvement takes us all down the same path. The scenery may look different, but the concept is always the same: figure out what we want to change, work to change it, deal with the challenges, then recognize there’s a roadblock we need to address before moving forward.

When confronted with that “roadblock” it can stop us in our tracks because it’s distracting, makes us feel bad, and seems insurmountable. It may even be something we’ve spent a lot of time avoiding. We don’t like it and want it to go away. But confronting this roadblock head-on will help get it to go away, or at the very least, get it to have less of a hold of us.

We must confront it to find success.

Let’s say you are trying to quit smoking. In the process of trying to stop you discover there is a pleasure you get because it reminds you of your grandmother who smoked. Smoking, on some deep level, is a connection to her. When you give up smoking, there’s a sense of that connection is lost. That might halt your desire to quit: you don’t want to lose your grandmother.

But the reality is this: you need to quit to improve your health, and smoking across the board exacerbates chronic illness symptoms. The same is for self-improvement: we need to make changes because what we are currently doing might exacerbate our symptoms.

I Hate Self-Improvement

2019’s been good so far, but I haven’t enjoyed all the aspects of self-improvement. I enjoy how my mood’s improved, the improvements I’ve seen, how I feel, but I wouldn’t say I’ve enjoyed the self-improvement. But it’s been tough to get to this place.

I dislike self-improvement. It’s an exercise like my running and it’s not easy. I was saying to Ash the other day how I want a mental and emotional break. But if I stop doing my mental/emotional exercises, if I “take a break,” I will revert back to my old way of doing things. A “break” would be tantamount to a backslide and I don’t want to do that.

For the record, self-care and a break would be two different things in this situation. What I need at this moment are self-care and self-compassion. A break would be halting self-improvement because it’s gotten tough.

If I want to be a less judgmental person, I have to push through those moments where I want a break, I want to give up. If I want to eat healthier, I have to resist carb-overload temptations. I have to fight my natural tendency to want to give up when the going gets tough.

Working through the Dislikes

When we spend time self-reflecting, we see things that we want to change. If you subscribe to my newsletter, you know that last month I asked readers to come up with five things they love/like about themselves and five things they dislike/want to change.

Take a few minutes to list out five things you dislike (do not use the word hate) about yourself. It can be anything and should be the first five things you think about. If you overthink about it, you dismiss your unconscious voice, and that’s who you are trying to listen to in this exercise.

Once you’ve developed this list, keep it somewhere safe so you can pull it out throughout the month. We will hopefully find a way to address your dislikes in a healthy way. But this month will be about working through your dislikes.

Beauty in Imperfection

As stated at the beginning of March, there is a beauty that grows from the mud. We want to look at those dislikes, perceived imperfections, and parts of us we want to change and honor them. Sure, we will work to change them, but it’s these imperfections that make us beautiful and unique. Even our chronic illness.

A preview for what’s to come: if you are a subscriber to the weekly newsletter we’ll be addressing our inner toddlers. Because though we may not want to admit it, that toddler is still inside all of us.

May is going to be a difficult month. I will be addressing a lot of the dislikes I have for myself, my perceived “flaws,” and any doubts I have about myself. But like everything, I will get through it. We will all get through it and see the beauty in our imperfections.


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2019: A Year of Self-Improvement

In 2018, I did some reflection on the importance of self-improvement with a chronic illness. It’s something I wanted to do prior to my diagnosis: live my best life and become the person I imagined I would be when I was fifteen. Unfortunately, I allowed myself to get side-tracked in my twenties and it took my diagnosis and becoming a mother to finally realize that I needed to make changes.

Taking the steps toward self-improvement while managing a chronic illness can be overwhelming. Knowing where to begin and what to do was discouraging. Looking around online, I saw wellness challenges, but rarely geared towards someone with a chronic illness

These “regular” challenges were great for someone who didn’t have to fight fatigue, numbness, and the depression that came from coping with an illness. It was hard to make the logical leap to tailor them to my needs. It felt overwhelming to even attempt to do so.

That’s why I wanted to take the opportunity of the new year to create a self-improvement challenge geared specifically for people with a chronic illness. You don’t have to have a chronic illness to join, so if you are just looking to make some small changes in your life at a stress-free pace, this challenge should work nicely for you.

New Year; New You

I always love the new year because it gives me an opportunity, mentally speaking, to view my slate to be clean. To riff on an Anne Shirley’s quote: the new year is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet.

Many of us make resolutions and vows of how we plan to approach the coming year, though I am notoriously bad about waiting until today to come up with any thoughts on the matter. I decided that I would be more proactive in 2019, so I created a challenge that I would be willing to undertake and share it with my readers.

As you make changes, big & small, so will I. We’ll take this year as an opportunity to improve ourselves together.

The Challenge: Self-Improvement with a Chronic Illness

Dealing with MS and any chronic illness can lead a person to feel stuck and unable to make any meaningful forms of self-improvement. I know that not long after my diagnosis I was dealing with a lot of heavy emotions that I froze for a few years. But deep down I wanted to make some personal improvement changes, though I didn’t know where to begin.

This wellness challenge works within that specific framework: I want to make changes, I am not sure “how to” or “where to” start, but what I am currently doing isn’t working.

For 2019, I am challenging readers to make the self-improvement changes they’ve always wanted to do but were either afraid to start or didn’t know how to start due to a chronic illness.

What the Challenge is…

This Challenge is a gentle way to work on self-improvement no matter the situation. All the mental and emotional exercises, thoughts, anecdotes, and research will be arranged for the user to make meaningful life changes, rather than a quick fix. This challenge also is:

  • judgment-free.
  • accessible no matter your level of fitness, physical abilities, state of your illness, and financial situation. If you want to make changes, you can.
  • free. You will not be paying for any aspect to participate.
  • focused on making positive changes.
  • support-based. There will be a corresponding Facebook group where you can talk directly to me and others participating in the challenge.
  • a chance to make the changes you’ve wanted to make no matter what they are.
  • drop-in/drop-out. If you only want to do a quick short-term goal, we will be working in 3-month chunks of time. If you are coming to this challenge later in the year, then you’ll be able to get a couple of goals done before the end of 2019.

I will provide the framework needed to start you on your journey. This framework will contain the tools you need to easily personalize your own journey to wellness. 

What the Challenge isn’t…

This isn’t a weight-loss challenge. This isn’t a healthy eating challenge. If you want to lose weight or eat healthy, you are welcome to make that your final goal but do not feel like it is the only path to self-improvement. This challenge also isn’t:

  • about making you feel bad about yourself or your goals. Everyone is unique and beautiful and any positive life-change is a good life change.
  • expecting you to follow everything by the letter. I do recommend following as closely as you can, but it’s meant to help you in the best possible way. Only you know yourself best.
  • requiring big life-goal changes. There will be several short-term goals and one long-term goal, but all goals can be as big or as little as you need them to be for the year.
  • going to be easy. While we will be focusing on a gentle approach to each week, there will be moments towards deep, meaningful changes that may be unpleasant to reflect on. You are encouraged to go at the pace best suited to your needs.

As stated, this challenge won’t be easy at times (but why call it a challenge if it was?).  There may be times where you want to give up, but I am going to encourage you to keep going because by December you can reflect over this year with pride.

Making the Most of the Challenge

If you haven’t done so already, please sign up for the weekly newsletter. This is where you will get the weekly challenge updates, writing prompts, free printables, special offers, and all sorts of exciting information I want to share with you, my reader. 

I am reverting back to my 3-day-a-week blog posts, but you’ll only have access to my third post through newsletter subscription, so make sure you sign up so you don’t miss a single post from me.

MS Mommy Blog this Year

You may have noticed that the blog switched from MS//Mommy to MS Mommy Blog. With the new year comes a new look and some slight re-branding. The blog has a new logo and set up, so please check it out if you haven’t had a chance to do so yet.

Looking forward to taking this exciting new journey with you!


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