Creating a Productive Schedule

Next to maintaining a clean house, having a daily personal schedule helps keep everything running smoothly because I love efficiency.

Ash will tell you that I get annoyed in the store if other customers navigate the aisles inefficiently and interfere with my shopping experience. Likewise, when I feel inefficient in my day-to-day routine, I get frustrated with myself. I am constantly trying to figure out the best way to manage my schedule in order to get the most efficiency and productivity within my day.

Having a toddler makes this doubly difficult because I have to be mindful of his needs and flexible to his own schedule. If he refuses to eat a meal when it’s time to eat, that can throw the day off because I will have to make sure he’s fed when he’s ready an hour later.

MS & Scheduling

With MS and any chronic illness that has some sort of energy or movement inhibitor, there are a limited amount of hours each day a person has to get things done. Those hours aren’t guaranteed because of the nature of the illness, therefore you have to account for the possibility of spending the day in bed and being okay with that scenario.

I’ve mentioned how important scheduling can be when dealing with children and MS. The key is to be mindful of when I have the most natural energy (un-caffeinated and no early morning exercise), what I want to get done during that period, and how I want to get it done.

My reasoning for this mindfulness:

  1. Knowing my daily natural energy peaks provides a baseline for the most I can expect to get done without any “outside” help. Drinking my morning cup of coffee or going for an early morning run/yoga session give me energy boosts that may not be there every day. If I set my daily goals based on my natural energy when I have days with an energy boost, I feel more productive which might help me get even more done.
  2. MS has forced me to prioritize my life where I have to set 3 major goals for the day during my high-energy periods. The first item is the most important where the third can be pushed back to tomorrow’s top item. Anything on my list that I complete beyond that helps feed the productivity ego boost.
  3. Figuring out how I am going to get something done is equally important. With my MS and a child, simply stating I will sit down and write a bunch of emails doesn’t cut it. I have to squeeze communications in while Jai is asleep or decide to multi-task laundry while I clean the kitchen during nap time.

Additionally, being mindful of my energy valleys is important. I know that around noon I start to get fatigued and after Jai eats lunch I am ready to lay down for a nap or rest between 2 – 4pm. On days where I am out of the house or so busy with a project that I miss my rest means that Ash has to take over parenting as soon as he gets home from work until it’s time to put Jai to bed.

I try to not overdo it, but I do find that because of the unpredictability of MS, it’s like a light switch. I will be fine, fine, fine, and then something flips and I am immediately exhausted with no warning. I try to be aware of any warning signs so I can rest before I overdo it, but most days I am too busy to pay attention.

I am still not sure if I have any warning signs.

Below are my tips for how I create an effective schedule that works with my MS:

  • Take a week or two to track your natural schedule. This will include your energy peaks and valleys, what you do when, and how you feel when you do it. Try to be mindful of whether or not you take an energy boost and how that affects your energy (medication, coffee, exercise, etc.).
  • Analyze your schedule and see if you can find a pattern. This is difficult with MS because each day can be completely different, but you might be able to see that around 10 am you have more energy than you do at 2pm.
  • Try to adjust your new schedule to reflect these high energy periods and schedule a rest during the low energy ones. Prioritize the more important items/appointments during a peak period of your day and not stress if the less important stuff doesn’t get accomplished until tomorrow.
    • If you work outside the home, napping at your work may not be a possibility, but finding a quiet space where you can sit with your eyes closed and undisturbed for 10 minutes might be something you can fit in. Scheduling meetings and important projects doing your high-energy periods work as well.
  • Embrace the productivity energy boosts when you get them. I find it invigorating when checking items off my to-do list. Those little boosts can be so energizing that it feeds into itself to get more done. Just be mindful to not overdo it and wear yourself out.

I think these tips are helpful for people without MS or an illness that interferes with energy levels, but it wouldn’t be my go-to set of suggestions for them. What follows are some broader observations/techniques that have helped me boost my productivity.

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Keeping a Clean Living Space

I have a love-hate relationship with cleanliness.

I love to be clean and organized, but I hate the work that goes into it. Having a toddler makes cleaning and staying clean Sisyphean at best. Nothing stays clean for more than ten minutes at a time with a human tornado.

This gets discouraging very quickly. Why bother keeping clean and organized if it’s only going to become a mess immediately?

It’s hard for me to get organized and easy to allow clutter to take over. I am ashamed to admit that it took until June to finally put all the holiday decorations away. They were removed from the main areas of the house but sat waiting to make it inside the storage closet we have in our room. Ash and I had to move around the boxes and clutter that kept piling up on a nightly basis as we got ready for bed.

For that, I hated spending time in our bedroom.

It took so long because it required a cleaning and reorganizing of our storage closet. We’ve accumulated a lot of old baby and maternity items that we’re not ready to part with just yet, so there wasn’t any room to put holiday decorations back inside.

This required an organization session, cleaning, and purging a lot of items. Making the time to do this is difficult with the fatigue and have limited energy stores day-to-day. Because a cleaning session wasn’t important in my mind, it kept getting pushed back in favor of working on other projects.

But that doesn’t mean the cluttered chaos didn’t cause issues.

Benefits to Clean House

Over the years I’ve recognized the benefits of having an organized house without a child: it’s a way to find things easily, everything has its place, and generally makes life easier.

I am also one of those people who gets depressed if my living space is messy. I am not just talking super messy but depression starts to set in even if there’s a little bit of clutter. So when the house “gets out of control,” I tend to freeze and get frustrated.

I am, by no means, obsessive over the cleanliness. When I can’t even get myself to spend 15 minutes tidying up because of either fatigue or feeling overwhelmed I feel frustrated.

There’s a lot of research available online that shows there’s a connection between healthy living, healthy habits, and healthy decisions and a clean/organized home. So my reaction isn’t surprising.

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Evicting Toxic Tenants, Part 2

This is part two of a two-part post about coping with toxic friendships. I previously discussed the formative relationship that led me to seek out toxic friendships, the anger connection that was the center of these friendships, how I chose to ignore the red flags, and my own toxic role in these friendships. What follows is a continuation of my self-reflection and how I’ve worked towards being healthier in my quest to remove toxic friendships out of my life. 

Read part one here


Preventing Healthy Relationships

By engaging in toxic relationships, I prevented myself from being receptive to healthy friendships. I do have healthy relationships, but the ratio of toxic relationships outweighed the healthy ones since childhood.

I am lucky to know people who want to establish a healthy relationship with me. Unfortunately, in the past, I haven’t done enough to nurture these friendships though I am trying to do more as I change my friendship patterns. I am not quite there yet, but I am hoping I can reach out and do a better job reciprocating once I’ve healed.

There are three main reasons why I stifled healthy relationships: one, the toxic ones took up more time and energy so I couldn’t think about fostering another friendship; two, I didn’t think I deserved healthy friendships because of my own low self-esteem; and three, I was so uncomfortable with the healthy dynamic that I did not know how to handle it.

I found myself suspicious of any healthy relationship. Clearly, the other person wants something out of me and I was unwilling to give it to them. Ironically, I was willing to give a toxic person everything and more, but when the relationship had an equal dynamic I didn’t know how to handle myself. I found myself freezing and not pursuing the friendship hoping it would go away.

Emotionally healthy people scared me for the longest time. I resented that they highlighted my own inadequacies because I never measured up in comparison. I wanted to be where they were without doing the emotional legwork.

I sabotaged healthy relationships throughout my life, which I deeply regret. I don’t know how many awesome friendships I’ve missed out on in favor of the toxic ones. I am very lucky for the healthy ones I have today, and I recognize how patient these friends are with me and how they pursued my friendship with no expectations.

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Evicting Toxic Tenants, Part 1

This is part one of a two-part post about coping with toxic friendships. Today I will talk about the formative toxic relationship in my life, how I connected with others to encourage a toxic relationship, the red flags I ignored, and my own role in a toxic relationship.


For the month of August, I am writing about tidying up the home life: from cleaning the house to effectively organizing my time.

I am also working through some internal cleaning: my mental headspace. Living healthy doesn’t exclusively mean eating right or exercising on a regular basis. It means being mindful of my emotional and mental health as well. It’s easy to focus on the external stuff, like what I eat and how much I exercise, but very hard to concentrate on the energy I give to thoughts, interactions, and even friendships.

Friendships are a sticking point in my internal life.

I have a lot of people I consider friends, some I consider close friends, and fewer considered best friends. In my 30+ years, I have a lot of failed friendships and until recently, rarely did I focus on the successful friendships, but much of my mental energy went towards the unhealthy ones.

Many, if not all, of these failed friendships, were toxic in nature. It is important to note I am not talking about friendships that died due to time, distance, and a lack of communication. The toxic friendships generally did not have geographic issues nor was there a lack of time for the friendship, they failed for other reasons.

When the friendships were dying or at a clear end, I would repeatedly reflect on my perceived failures: lack of perception for the warning signs from the beginning, my role in encouraging the negative friendship, and the length of time I allowed myself to endure the unhealthy dynamic.

What follows is my experience with toxic friendships, the self-reflection I needed to complete to move towards healthier friendships, and the fallout from these situations. This process wasn’t easy, and I am nowhere near finished with it, but I wanted to share my current position both as catharsis and hopefully to show that there isn’t anything wrong with you if you realize you’re in a toxic friendship.

My Toxic Origin Story

I am rather lucky that I can point to the origin of my toxic friendships. It was one individual in my life and how everyone surrounding them responded to their toxic behavior.

It was a family member that I dealt with since I was six years old. I have allowed geography to cut them out of my life which helped me heal, but the scars and patterns remain today from the experience.

This person controlled everyone around them with such toxicity, that the only way to reasonably handle them and keep familial harmony was to give in to their desires. We would eat on their terms. Do activities on their terms. Listen to their problems on their terms. There’s video evidence of them completely changing the mood of the room when they walked in for my sixth birthday. This video saved me from believing I imagined their behaviors when they tried to gaslight me as I grew older.

What I saw growing up with this relative was the following:

  1. It’s important to love a toxic person no matter what. Unconditional love will help them.
  2. Give that toxic person whatever they desire because that’s part of the expression of love. They are broken and only you can help fix them by giving into them.
  3. How they treat you is a measure of your worth: if they treat you badly then you are doing something wrong. If they treat you well, then you are doing something right. Always strive to be treated well.

I dealt with this relative for 18 years, which straddled my formative years on how to foster friendships with others. Unfortunately, what guidance I received to navigate my troublesome peer-relationships didn’t match the example I was given regarding this ever-present familial relationship.

So instead of seeking healthy friendships, I sought the relationship I was most familiar with: a toxic one. I don’t know how many friendships I’ve had that were toxic on some level, and that’s the thing, not all these relationships were toxic in the same way.

Think of it as gradations of toxicity. Sometimes I can overlook toxic behavior because the time spent with the person is more important than the slightly toxic behavior they exhibit from time-to-time. With others, they wrapped up so much of my time and energy that it was a drain to think about the next time I would see them. I will be focusing most of my post on the latter.

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Activities for a Rainy Day

What is summer without some rain?

As adults, rain can be nice because it means a cozy day inside with books, a great TV show, and delicious snacks. But for kids, rainy days are the enemy. No outdoors depending on the amount of rain and limited active games inside so the house doesn’t get destroyed.

I remember it being particularly rough when it felt like I had nothing to do. Those were the worst days where it was physically draining to think of something to do while stuck inside.

With a little one obsessed with spending time outside, it’s hard to say “no” when Jai wants to go out despite the rain. Some days I am able to accommodate him, but other days it’s storming really bad or I don’t feel getting wet myself.

Below are some activities I’ve come up with the help combat boredom on rainy days for Jai. As he gets older, the activities will evolve to be more age-appropriate and reflect his desires.

Make Rainy Days a Special Occasion

This required some planning ahead, but I have a set of toys and books that only get pulled out when we have a rainy day. It makes the day a little more special and exciting for him. It’s the same concept behind packing a special travel bag for kids that have a special set of toys – if the item is “new” to him, he will spend time playing with it rather than asking to go outside.

One such toy is an indoor bowling set. While he doesn’t understand the concept of bowling just yet, he loves rolling the ball or knocking over the pins. Jai has a vehicle that moves forward with the push of a button, so we line it up with the pins to knock them over.

It’s hilarious. For him and for us to watch his enjoyment of the game.

I also make special snacks and drinks for the day that he won’t normally get in good weather. This includes popcorn, chocolate “milk” (a coconut milk and date-sweetened drink), and herbal teas. I try to make sure they are healthy in nature, but the chocolate milk feels like a real treat for him.

Finally, I try to limit his screen time on a daily basis. Right now he’s obsessed with a song from a popular children’s movie, so I have to play that at least three times a day on a streaming site. But we try to make that the extent of his screen time. So on rainy days I will pull out his favorite PBS kids show or play the movie his favorite song is from.

The TV is a wonderful thing, but by limiting it to rainy days it becomes a treat that makes it easier to turn on and off when I need to and less of a fight when it’s time to do something different. I don’t know how long this attitude will last, but I am not taking it for granted.

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