balance-harmony-chronic-illness

Balance & Harmony in Chronic Illness

2020 is now upon us, and that means a new blog theme for the year at MS Mommy Blog. 2020 is the year of vision: think about the importance of 20/20 vision, and the phrase “hindsight is 20/20.” It is also a year of balance, something that happens once a century. With that in mind, I wanted to focus this year’s theme on balance and harmony. While the year itself holds no power, we can use it to remind ourselves of the importance of incorporating balance and harmony in our lives with chronic illness.

I feel that focusing our energy on personal balance and harmony is timely considering the surge of global unrest and the role this year plays in American politics. I promise never to get political on this blog, but what I will advocate is finding ways to give yourself a break when the news gets to be too much. 

2020 is a year geared towards making a commitment to yourself and finding what keeps you centered in the face of politics, painful news stories, your health, your professional life, and your personal life. There’s a lot to handle this year, so now is the time to say, “I can handle it healthily.”

Let’s take a quick look for what to expect for the rest of this year.

Looking Ahead

In the coming months, look forward to posts on the following themes:

  • Moderation in our habits & mind
  • MS Awareness
  • Further examination with self-compassion in the face of physical limitations
  • Learning to balance strong emotions
  • Working through mental imbalance and bringing that into harmony
  • Embracing self-acceptance
  • The importance of work-life balance with a chronic illness
  • Embracing self-care for overall satisfaction
  • In the face of uncertainty, finding internal balance
  • Healing from disappointment and external turmoil
  • What is inner peace and how to find it

Balance & Harmony in a Chronic Illness

So what is balance and harmony with a chronic illness?

I am hoping that this year will help answer that question. I have my ideas of what it looks like for me, but as I do an in-depth examination into what others say on the matter, I might find my answer changes. I want to spend this year exploring this theme not just for myself, but for my readers as well.

Like last year, I will be chronicling my journey as I learn more about myself and what helps me manage my MS

New Features to the Blog

2020 is a year of different opportunities for me that I want to share with you. I plan on having several new features that run weekly or monthly on the blog. These include:

The weekly newsletter will be revamped shortly, so look for new newsletters in the coming weeks. If you haven’t signed up for it yet, please do so now!

Attention to Chronic Illness Bloggers!

The MS Mommy Blog is looking to collaborate with other chronic illness bloggers for this year. If you have a chronic illness blog and would like an opportunity to tap into the MS Mommy Blog audience, please contact me here. I look forward to hearing from you.


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Featured photo credit: Canva

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2019-a-reflection

2019: A Reflection

For the past two years, I’ve written a reflection for the last post of the year. Read 2017 here and 2018 here.


2019 was the year of the crucible. I underwent a lot of “lessons” in life; some brought on via self-reflection and others brought on by the natural flow of life. I learned a lot about myself, my capabilities, and where I see myself going in the future. In the three years, I’ve done these posts, it was the most challenging year emotionally, but the easiest year relating to my MS.

The Down Points

  • From October to December, I encountered some of the most challenging months in my adult life. These months rivaled my diagnosis with all the emotional upheaval. I lost Lytton in November, one of my forms of emotional support, while dealing with other challenges at the time. It felt piled on.
  • I continued to do a lot of heavy self-reflection, particularly with my role in my relationships and anger. The self-reflection often left me drained, but I am getting better at managing both. 
  • While I am getting better with my time management, I still struggle to get ahead on my work and stay ahead. With the past few months of upheaval, I’ve fallen drastically behind on several projects. I am struggling to get back into the swing of things. Additionally, I am grappling with being kind to myself because of this lag. I am seeing missed time as time wasted.
  • I am fighting against a victim mentality that crops up when experiencing a downcycle. My cat passed, I am falling behind, I am struggling to achieve goals, etc. – all played into previous internal tapes of “woe was me.” I have moments where I curl up in bed with a book or my phone to escape, but I try to set myself a timer to break out of it and be productive again, even if it’s with one task.
  • This last one needs to be at the end because it straddles a down point and positive point: getting back on my medicationThe down aspects of getting back on Tecfidera: it definitively means Ash and I are stopping with Jai for children, it’s a physical acknowledgment of my MS, and the pain I am about to undergo with the first month of side effects. 

The Positive Points

  • I decided to re-start my medication because I knew it was the right thing to do for my health. By re-starting Tecfidera, I am creating a more significant buffer between my well-being and my MS. It is an insurance policy to help me manage my MS when I have another downcycle of stress/emotional change. It’s also a physical acknowledgment, to myself, that my health is worth it.
  • I rediscovered my love of reading this year. It’s been over ten years since I sat down and read a book for pleasure. While in graduate school, I was afraid of wasting time on pleasure books when I could be doing research. I also found that graduate school temporarily blocked my love of reading because of all the heavy lifting I did. But I vowed to read more for the blog, so I started with audiobooks and graduated back into the physical medium. As I started getting into depths of the emotional upheaval that was this fall, I read more to escape. I found reading to be a soothing distraction, educational at times, and it also sets an excellent example for Jai. I plan to continue to read more in the coming year.
  • While my time-management was less than ideal, I learned that the more organized I am, the more satisfied I feel. I also found that I am less stressed if I have a flexible plan in place. I am less likely to put things off, though I still have my moments of procrastination. If anything, I learned that I am one of those people who benefit from structure, minimalism, and organization.
  • Last year I contemplated the role toxic friendships played in my life while feeling frustrated that a lot of my relationships had harmful elements. I recognized I stacked my friendship cards against me by rejecting or minimally pursuing positive relationships in my life. This year, I opened myself up to new relationships while maintaining my sense of self, something I hadn’t done before. Because of it, current friendships grew more profound, and I made a bunch of new friends along the way. 
  • My running took off this year. I ran in three different states (Florida, Nevada, and Wisconsin), and even PR’d on a half marathon, almost making it below two hours. I officially decided that I would begin the process of qualifying for the Boston Marathon. While I have a long way to go (like running a marathon in the first place), it’s a goal I’ve created for myself to see what I can achieve. I think my running has helped me manage my MS and my emotional well-being, along with getting me in a healthier space.
  • While it hasn’t been my most traveled year, I did get around the country quite a bit for 2019. I traveled to Florida for a Walt Disney World running weekend in January; I went to Las Vegas for my best friend’s birthday in March; and to Wisconsin twice (July & November) to visit with my in-laws. It was a year filled with a lot of new experiences, which I enjoyed very much.
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Embracing Big Changes in Life

At the end of October, I wrote about the prospect of losing Lytton to a mysterious illness. I had hoped to get more time with him as we thought we had a few options to manage his health. But towards the end of November, we had to do the compassionate thing and end his suffering. I learned a lot about embracing big changes in life during that time.

While I consider myself fortunate to have a few weeks to prepare for it, I am still in shock over the quickness he went from healthy to terminally ill. From the first sign of his illness to when we said goodbye was a month and a half. I prepared, but it’s hard to move that fast for such a substantial change.

Yet, significant life changes happen all the time. Our diagnosis. Buying a house. Losing a loved one. Finding someone new to love. The changes discussed in this post are the ones completely out of our control.

Change happens. Sometimes we can prepare ourselves for it, but often we cannot. What we can do is take the time to embrace the change. Regardless of whether you consider the change positive or negative, it’s going to happen regardless of your wishes. Rather than fight it, we find a way to work through it.

How Can Change Help You?

Change can help us, even if it’s unwelcome. I don’t know when I will reach the point where I can sincerely say losing Lytton helped me. Each day, I go through all the stages of grief as I try to move through my new normal.

Yet, I admit that losing him tested the effectiveness of the wellness journey I’ve made over the past few years. I did not need the confirmation that it works. But, the fact that I still haven’t experienced an exacerbation is proof that I am managing healthily. 

Lytton’s death reminded me of the impermanence of life. I pushed death to the back of my mind as something that happens to other people but hasn’t touched me. With that attitude, I did not appreciate everyone around me in the way I do now. I recognize that anyone can leave me permanently, with no explanation. 

Finally, it reminded me that change happens, and I can get through it. The last time I experienced a “negative” life shift was after my diagnosis, almost seven years ago. I regrouped and was eventually able to move forward. 

Change, whether it’s good or bad, can help you discover essential things:

  1. The importance of taking time for yourself. If you experience a life change, negative or positive, take some time to sit with it. 
  2. Self-care, again. The further I get into life, the more confirmation I get surrounding the importance of self-care. Self-care can be in celebration or to help calm oneself after the change.
  3. How resilient we are and why finding ways to adapt is essential. While we must accept an uncontrollable change, we don’t have to roll over. We can find ways to adapt and adjust to change. 
  4. Appreciate life before, during, and after the change. We can recognize what we had before, find ways to enjoy life as it is, and understand what life might be in the future.
  5. Finding the positive in the negative. It might take some time, but there’s always a silver lining even in the negative changes. You might find comfort knowing what’s going on with you, be at peace because a person no longer suffers, or allowed to try a new career opportunity.

Embracing Big Life Changes

The key, I’ve found, is to lean into the uncontrollable changes for better or for worse. There are some changes we can fight for, opportunities we can pursue even if the door keeps shutting. But often, significant changes are out of our hands. We cannot prevent the new direction our life goes in, so we can accept the outcome and find ways to adapt.

The first step is acceptance and embracing the big changes. Finding ways to adapt follow closely behind.

For me, while I would love to run out and find a Bombay kitten similar to Lytton, I am learning to reconnect with our other two cats as a form of acceptance. Lytton was such a significant presence in our household that often, the other two cats functioned like roommates we cared and fed. I am spending more time with them, whether they appreciate it or not, and loving on them.

After my diagnosis, I fought the information, choosing to be ignorant of my MS because it was too painful to acknowledge. Behaving this way did not improve my quality of life. But once I took steps to accept and adapt my reality, I found greater satisfaction with everything.

If there are negative feelings associated with significant life changes, it’s hard to accept and adapt, especially in what we feel is a timely manner. Remember to honor your timetable, but be open to acceptance as your goal once you’ve finished mourning (death or health change). 

Big changes are going to happen in life. We have two options when encountering change: embrace it or reject it. When we embrace the change, it allows us to heal and move forward. When we reject it, it can prolong our dissatisfaction and cause stress.

In the end, the decision is ours how we deal with change.


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Featured photo credit: Canva


positive-thinking-belief-chronic-illness

Belief, Positivity, and Chronic Illness

“Embrace the power of positive thinking!” We hear that all the time when we endure a health crisis, a rut, or embark on a wellness journey. We are told if we want to change our mindset or become healthier, we need to shift our thinking to be positive. It’s something I frequently promote on the blog. But that isn’t possible with a chronic illness. Sometimes we need a little extra help.

Can positive thinking help you manage your illness? What if you are feeling particularly low on positivity?

This is where a higher power or greater cause can step in to help. Belief comes from the same place in our brains, whether it’s religious or not. Having strong beliefs, no matter the source, helps us create a sense of community and support when we find others who are similar. Prayer or meditative practices can help quell darker emotions that arise in illness.

Depending on your perspective and your practices, it’s effortless to slip in positive thinking. You just have to use what you already know to work with you, rather than against you.

Positivity, Meditation, and Prayer

Nature works against us when we want to sit down and focus on the positive. Geared towards survival, we get caught in the negativity to help keep us safe. Yet, negative thinking causes so much mental and physical harm. We no longer need it to survive, yet it still follows us around.

Belief can help us ward off negative thoughts. If you have a higher power, you can engage in your practices to find comfort in the routine and tradition. If you don’t have a higher power, you can participate in relaxation/self-care exercises to help set your mind at ease.

Regardless of your background, when you want to start engaging in positive thinking, there are tools available to you. If you are religious, look into your texts, and any devotionals explicitly created for comfort. If you aren’t religious, there are a lot of secular and science-based books available to get you started.

Seek out someone more knowledgeable too: a leader in your community, life coach, or counselor. They can give you text, tools, and mantras equivalent to meditation or prayer.

Prayer, or self-reflection, help bring comfort to the practitioners. It can take the edge off of emotions, help you collect your thoughts, and self-soothe. Most importantly, it can give us a break we need to refocus our thoughts to be objective. While coping with a chronic illness, we sometimes sink into darkness and crisis. Prayer/meditation grants our brains the break we need to help see beyond the darkness.

If you have a higher power, you might hear them speak to you with words of comfort. If you don’t, you might gain a similar moment of peace while meditating. These practices serve as a wonderful means to distract us from our despair.

Is it Helpful?

Finding a sense of direction within your personal philosophy should always be helpful. Your belief system (of any kind) needs to bring you comfort, not additional stress. If you find that you aren’t getting the support you need, figure out what’s going on. You may need to re-examine your beliefs to see why it’s not fulfilling your needs.

When you are in a time of personal crisis, such as a diagnosis or exacerbation, you want something to draw your strength upon.

I found as I grew older that the philosophy I used as a child no longer worked or brought me comfort. It only brought anger and resentment. I needed to look elsewhere to draw support as I dealt with my MS and settled on one that I dabbled in since I was a teenager. It took me a long time to feel okay with this switch, but it was more important to care for my mental health than anything else.

If your philosophy works for you and brings you comfort, continue to find ways to keep it working for you. If not, then speak with someone objective: they might be able to healthfully redirect you to materials to help you reaffirm your beliefs. Examination and reflection is essential no matter your faith, or non-belief.

Keep trudging forward as you deal with your illness and continue to draw sources of strength close to you as a means of help.


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Featured photo credit: Canva


positive-chronic-illness-blogs

Positive Chronic Illness Blogs

As we get towards the end of summer, and the end of a month focusing on positivity, I wanted to share some of my favorite chronic illness blogs out there, especially ones that focus on staying positive while managing their illness. Life with a chronic illness is difficult, but it’s nice to read others who have a similar approach to the disease: engage with the positive.

Please take a moment to read through these blogs and give them a follow if you haven’t done so already.

Multiple Sclerosis Blogs

  • Fight MS Daily: Alyssa chronicles her ups and downs as she manages her MS, but she always has a positive spin to offer her readers
  • Dinosaurs, Donkeys, & MS: I love following the adventures of Heather and her “donkey” dizzy as they journey through life with MS. Through Dizzy do we get a positive perspective of living with MS.
  • Tripping Through Treacle: The name alone promotes positivity, as treacle is sweetness in the UK. Jen works to educate people on life with MS from a positive and honest perspective.

Chronic Illness Blogs

  • Invisibly Me: Caz pours everything into this fantastic blog about life with an invisible, chronic illness. You’ve seen her comment frequently here, always something sweet and positive to add to the conversation.
  • Crafts, Chronic Illness, & Adulting: Coping with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, CC&A seeks to educate readers on life with an invisible illness and fatigue. She also shares her artwork and crafts. What drew me to her blog is her humor and approach to life.
  • Life with an Illness: Mackenzie also chooses to approach her chronic illnesses (which include Lupus, Celiacs, and Fibromyalgia) with positivity and never giving up as much as possible.

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Featured photo credit: Canva