A Return & Refocus

I spent the last month prepping and figuring out how to manage our new life in self-quarantine. Learning to adjust with a new normal? Something I’m used to with a Chronic Illness. I got this.

So far, we stayed safe and healthy. We are minimizing travel away from home as much as possible. I’ve reduced our movements more and more, stretching out the time between grocery store trips. 

I am currently going on Day 8 since the last store trip. I am hoping to make it to at least April 20 before needing to go back out again. We’re even minimizing deliveries from major online retailers.

It hasn’t been easy, and because of needing to make adjustments, it took me a while to settle into a new routine that included blog writing. I am hoping that I will be able to blog more frequently now that I have 1: more time and 2: more time.

Keeping Busy in a Pandemic

Keeping busy and focused at this time helps. I’ve taken advantage of the time to work on a couple of my goals for 2020. Back in December, I wanted to figure out a better daily schedule for myself. I’ve talked about finding workable time-management strategies before, and now was the time to hone it.

I understand that this is a unique situation. The daily schedule I set up for myself may not be feasible once we start getting back to it, but maybe if I do it long enough, I will find a way to adjust when things return to normal.

What I did was this: create a color-coordinated block schedule for myself, detailing all the different tasks I wanted to each day of the week. Have I stuck with it 100%? No. But I do try to stick to it as much as possible and be gentle when I get taken away to do a different task. That is key, and this schedule is a guideline to help keep me focused, not something to stress me out.

I also settled on a weekly to-do list. Pulled from Day Designer (not a sponsored link), I make adjustments to the Weekly Planner design every Monday and use that sheet for the whole week. I put down to-do items for the appropriate day as I think about them and then work off of that list for the day.

I find that this keeps me super productive throughout the week. When I feel productive, I feel better, mentally, and emotionally. I still have my moments where I feel particularly stressed over everything. Still, I do feel like I am making the best of the current situation. 

Going with the Flow

If the global slowdown reinforced anything with me, it’s the need to go with the flow. I was unable to focus on my writing during the last month as I prepped my family, managed my health, and figured out what we needed during this time. I decided that I was okay with this because I had to be. My health and my family comes first, and if it meant temporarily sacrificing something, then I would do it

I could either fight what was going on, or I could keep moving forward.

Fighting would mean more stress and frustration. Plus, what is there to fight? My favorite restaurant cannot do dine-in, so why be mad at them? Holding onto that anger of the injustice of it does me no good and only increases my stress. 

When I accept that I am not able to go where I want to go, run with who I want to run with, and do things as I usually do, I feel a less intense emotional pull. 

Yes, this is a frustrating situation. Yes, having feelings of anger are entirely valid and reasonable. But holding onto those feelings without providing a productive outlet only serves to poison me, not help me. Accepting that I have no control over this situation grants me a modicum of control. 

Best Laid Plans…

As a general blog policy, I like to have a theme for the year and sub-themes for each month. It keeps me focused, but allows me to explore different facets of each topic. I had ideas for balance and harmony in 2020, but when the pandemic hit, all was cast aside. I couldn’t focus on themes, research, and writing while preparing.

Now that I’ve found my stride, I still can’t. Not because I don’t want to, but it doesn’t seem appropriate. How can I write about balance and harmony when the whole world, without hyperbole, is out of balance? It looks rather privileged and lacking self-awareness.

So I’ve had to take a step back, for the time being, scrap my original plans and refocus for the next few months.

A Temporary Refocus

For the next few months, I am going to go without a theme. Instead, I am going to be writing about what I am thinking, feeling, and doing at this time. Both as a parent and as a person with a Chronic Illness. I am going to maintain my general position: self-care, self-compassion, and focusing on health.

I am not going to hide from what is going on, but rather embrace it. Some posts will be directly related to the pandemic, and other posts will be pandemic adjacent. As I said above, it’s essential to go with the flow, which is what I will be doing for the time being.

I hope you all are staying safe and healthy at this time and that you do what’s best for you to maintain your mental and emotional health.

Attention to Chronic Illness Bloggers!

The MS Mommy Blog is looking to collaborate with other chronic illness bloggers for this year. If you have a chronic illness blog and would like an opportunity to tap into the MS Mommy Blog audience, please contact me here. I look forward to hearing from you.


Please consider supporting the MS Mommy Blog by buying a cup of coffee. If you find my content helpful, a little support helps keep the blog going.

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Reflecting on a Wellness Journey

December. We’ve reached the end of our wellness journey for the year. Now it’s time to start reflecting all we’ve accomplished. It’s hard to believe that 2019 is coming to a close; it feels like it was just January. Time marches forward, and we are looking at a new year in a few short weeks.

If you joined me on this wellness journey or participating on one of your own, it’s crucial to look back on all you’ve done these past eleven months. Doing so recognizes the changes you’ve made that work, see the changes you still need to make, and figure out your next step in life. It grants you awareness and validation for what you’ve been through, even if it feels like you’ve moved backward. Chances are, you haven’t moved back, just forwards at a slower rate.

For the rest of December, we’ll be spending some time reflecting on 2019 in anticipation of 2020. Hopefully, together, we can see our progress and feel good that we’ve made it through another year. Who knows what the new year will bring?

New opportunities, new chances, or new outlooks on our health.


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Leading Others Along the Way

On Monday, I discussed how we inadvertently become leaders when we go public with our chronic illness diagnosis. We may not ask, nor want the responsibility, but it inevitably happens. Therefore, we face the questions: should I lead? Do I want to? and what example should I set?

Living with a chronic illness in the United States is becoming a more common occurrence. Because of this uptick, it is becoming more common to know someone affected with a chronic disease. Let’s reflect before your diagnosis for a moment: with your symptoms, did you go online and search for answers before visiting a doctor? If you knew someone with the disease in the results, did you approach them with questions?

So often, when I answer questions about my MS to those experiencing similar symptoms, do I hear how scared they are. There’s a desire for reassurance that they don’t have MS, or that it’s not a death sentence. People are seeking a connection with a person living with an illness that is not in search results. As someone who is out with my diagnosis, my role is to comfort and inform. 

I can, as can you, choose not to take on this role.  

We do not owe anyone answers about our illness. We can choose to refuse to answer, advocate, or inform about the disease. Yet, it is vital to be aware that when we go public with a chronic illness, we will continually field questions until others understand our stance on the matter.

If you choose to take on the role of “local” leader and “expert” on your disease, I wanted to write this post with you in mind. 

What are my Responsibilities?

If you’ve decided to be public with your illness and accepted a leadership role, there’s a set of unspoken responsibilities that come with it. I spoke briefly about this on Monday. I wasn’t aware of all of these responsibilities when I first started blogging about my MS.

As I went along in my journey, I saw good and bad examples of advocacy. As someone out with their disease, it’s imperative you set yourself apart from those who are out for the attention. You will find that there’s always someone out there who is a poor advocate for your illness. They post sensational images on social media, only focus on the negative aspects, and do not take the opportunity to inform others about the disease itself (just that they have it).

They might be considered inspiring by others, too, but look beyond the sensationalism and see the truth: they are attention-seeking and not informing. Be more responsible and educate others about your illness. The ones who are flashy and irresponsible make more work for the rest of us, so it’s important you help the cause rather than hinder it.

I want to share the responsibilities we undertake when we go public with our illness and become a token advocate for others. 

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Turning It Over

I struggle with letting go of control. Ash will tell you this should you ask him. When I get into a micro-managing state, it’s one of the quickest ways for me to experience an exacerbation. When I feel out of control, I tighten my grip to control everything around me, and then I stress out because I feel out of control. While I haven’t had a significant exacerbation in several years, my brain fog, L’Hermittes Sign, and neck twinges when I start down the path of stressing out. 

I’ve learned I have had to say to myself, “I can’t control everything, so I need to stop,” and attempt to go with the flow no matter what direction that might take. But I can slip back into bad habits of wanting to control everything and then I start stressing out again.

It’s a vicious cycle.

And usually feeling out of control helps bring that about. I’ve learned that I cannot control everything, and for the most part I do well to go with the flow of everything, but then I slip back into bad habits of wanting to control everything around me and then I get back into that space of feeling out of control and stressed.

It’s a vicious cycle.

When we have a particular life philosophy, we are often told to let go and give up control. And there’s something to that – it’s just got to be done in a healthy and reasonable manner. I have found what works for me, and so it’s important that you find what works for you.

I’ve learned I have had to say to myself, “I can’t control everything, so I need to stop,” and attempt to go with the flow no matter what direction that might take. But I can slip back into bad habits of wanting to control everything, and then I start stressing out again.

Depending on your life philosophy, or belief system, we are often told the importance of giving up control. That may be to a higher power, the universe, or just in general. That’s solid advice no matter your background: recognizing what you can control, what you can’t, and letting go of what you can’t.

When we have a particular life philosophy, we are often told to let go and give up control. And there’s something to that – it’s just got to be done in a healthy and reasonable manner. I have found what works for me, and so it’s important that you find what works for you.

Letting Go of Our Worries

If you have a higher power, you are at an advantage to someone who does not, because many belief systems teach the importance of giving up control to a higher power. If you don’t have a particular belief system, you have to remind yourself not to be so controlling and go with the flow. It’s a built-in reminder that those without a higher power do not have. But if you don’t have a higher power, that’s fine, you just have to remember to say, “it’s okay, I don’t need to control everything.”

Struggle with giving up control? Well, if you have a belief system, seek out direct texts that teach you to give up control. If you can’t find anything there that speaks to you, seek out secondary books, usually written by scholars, that might speak to the matter.

If you don’t have a belief system, consider mindfulness techniques to bring you back to the present moment. When you focus on the present, the moment you are in now, you cannot try to control everything around you. Center yourself at the moment and find ways to let go of the control you are fighting to hold. Look to your health as a starting point: I must let go of control to better tend to my health.

Finding the Balance

This brings up the question: who is responsible for our lives? Us? Our Higher Power? The Universe? Something else?

That’s an answer only you can decide. I cannot tell you, nor can I presume to suggest the correct answer. What I can do is tell you what worked for me, but that does not mean it will work for you.

For myself, I gave up personal responsibility when I had a specific higher power. I gave that higher power responsibility for my life, my happiness, and at times, my actions. I gave up too much control to this higher power. They were not responsible for my specific actions or responses to a situation, though I said they were as a means of absolving bad behaviors.

When I took responsibility for my actions and reactions to situations, I found a more profound peace within myself because I was able to feel more in control of my life. Even though things happened to me, outside of my control, I recognized that my response to those things was something I could control. It was about finding a balance between what I could control and what I could give up.

Figure out the balance in your own life: what responsibility can you take on for yourself, and what control you can let go. When you recognize that there are elements in life beyond your control, such as your chronic illness, you can start to lower your stress.

Acceptance of What We Cannot Change

Another advantage people with a higher power have over those who do not have one, is it allows for recognition for what cannot be changed and force us to move forward. Without a higher power, there needs to be a reminder to move forward in life, despite the roadblocks. People can place their trust in the higher power to see them through and take comfort in that.

Without a higher power, we must seek comfort elsewhere. We must trust that life will guide us through the process and that a coincidence will pop up to allow us to move forward or find an alternative. Often, life provides us with this when we aren’t expecting it. So remember to expect nothing, but accept everything to embrace an opportunity when it arises.

Moving Forward

It’s not easy to give up control, whether to a higher power or just in general. It’s never going to be easy, no matter how often we might need to do it. Why? Because control allows us to feel empowered. When we give up control, we lose a sense of power.

But if we want to move forward in life, if we’re going to begin to heal the emotional wounds caused by a chronic illness, we must give up control over things we cannot control. Whether that is to your higher power or to something else, when you give up control, you begin the process to move forward in life.

Life moves us in a forward momentum whether we like it or not, we might as well accept that movement and find ways to work with it, rather than against it.


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learning-to-trust-yourself

Learning to Trust Yourself

We’re always told that trust is earned. People must earn our trust if they are going to become friends or lovers, and trust must be regained if broken. Sometimes we lose trust in ourselves, and in our abilities. Or maybe we never learned to trust ourselves at all. I realized that the moment I stopped trusting myself was the moment I allowed self-doubt, insecurity, and anger take over my life. I had to learn how to trust myself again.

Lack of self-trust hinders our abilities to do essential tasks. Second-guessing, negative internal self-talk, and desire to avoid all interfere with our lives. When we don’t trust ourselves, it can stall our plans.

Self-Doubt Prohibits Trust

As children, we were taught to trust in our abilities by our guardians. I am doing this daily for Jai: when he encounters a particular obstacle that he does not believe he can overcome, I reassure and coach him through the steps to overcome it. Because I can see the bigger picture, I know what he can do without me and when I should step in. By granting him the opportunity to learn to trust himself in these moments, he’ll have a better awareness of his abilities.

Life slowly ebbs away the self-trust you built in childhood.

You take one too many blows to your ego; you deal with bullies at home, school, or work; you feel like you fail more often than you succeed. If you have a chronic illness, it might temporarily take physical or mental abilities, which is demoralizing. You reach a self-trust breaking point.

When this happens, we inhabit spaces of the doubt more often than areas of self-trust. It prevents us from taking the necessary steps to get better.

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