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Is a Higher Power Necessary?

If you don’t have a higher power or belief system, is it necessary to have one to help manage your chronic illness?

No. No, it is not necessary.

If you have a higher power and feel satisfied, then this post is not for you. This is for the small percentage that are either ambivalent about their beliefs or actively do not believe in anything. This post is for those who have to navigate the all-too-familiar field of well-intentioned family and friends who say, “I will pray for you,” or “if you believe in this higher power, you will be healed.”

These forms of unsolicited advice can raise feelings of misplaced shame, put us on the defensive, or create an awkward interaction. If you find that you navigate these scenarios with ease, then this post may not be for you.

Instead, this post is meant as comfort for those who may have recently de-converted or questioning, and emotions might be rawer.

If It Isn’t Broke…A Disclaimer

The summary of this post is this: if you live without a higher power and that works for you, then do not let yourself get distracted by others telling you that you need one. Only you know what works best for you, and if you find more comfort outside of organized belief, then embrace that comfort.

Once I de-converted, I found more peace in my life. But it took a long time to feel comfortable with that peace. There are still a lot of raw emotions I am working through, so sometimes hearing the language can cause me stress and shame. 

I’ve learned that I need to accept the words and intentions of others with grace, not resentment or shame while standing firm in my decision.

The Distraction of a Higher Power

Most of the time, when people have a higher power or organized belief system, it is a built-in source of comfort. If you need a distraction, guidance, or a focal point, your higher power can provide that. Because of this, often for others who have a higher power, they want to share the comfort and peace they get with you.

It works for them, so it will obviously work for you. I am fond of saying this on my blog as much as possible: what works for me may not work for you. The same goes for belief: your mileage may vary.

Additionally, when I hear people tell me that I need to place my concerns in the higher power I deconverted from, it can be painful to hear. It reminds me of the negative experiences I had and pushes me back into a dark place. It puts me into an awkward space of not knowing what to say or wanting to respond sharply. 

Getting told to turn to a higher power becomes emotionally and mentally distracting. When coping with a chronic illness, being unnecessarily put into a space of shame, even if the other person is well-intentioned, is unhelpful.

If you do not believe in anything or think differently, hearing someone proselytize is irritating because you aren’t coming from the same starting point. If you don’t believe in anything, those words can ring hollow and feel like a wasted exercise on their part. It distracts from the opportunity to have a different or more meaningful conversation with them.

Unfortunately, it’s Not About You

When others start telling you what you need in your life, it isn’t about your needs. It’s about them and what they need to do.

When I came to this realization, I found it easier to handle these interactions. When someone tells you they will intercede on your behalf to their higher power, or that you need to believe in that higher power, it’s giving them comfort. It brings them comfort; therefore, it will bring you comfort, so they want to share it. Or they feel powerless, and the idea of appealing to a higher power gives them a sense of helping you. 

Now, I just listen to what they have to say, say “thank you,” and try to shift the conversation to something else. I find it strangely comforting knowing that someone cares enough to share this with me. Today’s climate is rather hostile to outward expressions of faith, at least in my community, and it takes a lot of courage for the individual to put themselves out like that for me.

Consider a Greater Cause

I mentioned this at the beginning of the month, the idea of a greater cause. A greater cause is not a religious belief, but something outside of yourself that motivates you in life. It can be a form of activism, volunteering your time, or a professional or health goal.

Finding a purpose outside of yourself can provide you a similar distraction a higher power gives someone else. It can ground you, guide you, and provide fulfillment. When others ask you what you believe, you can redirect towards this cause if you are open to having that conversation.

It can give you the strength you need to handle the awkward conversations because you do have something equally important in your life.

Know that you possess the ability to decide what is best for you. Others generally come from a well-meaning place when they tell you about their higher power. When they do, know that it’s not necessarily for you, but to provide them comfort. Shift the focus of the conversation away from the topic as graciously as possible, and reframe it as them caring genuinely about you.

It won’t be easy every time, but it might make these interactions less awkward.


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Featured photo credit: Canva

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Belief, Positivity, and Chronic Illness

“Embrace the power of positive thinking!” We hear that all the time when we endure a health crisis, a rut, or embark on a wellness journey. We are told if we want to change our mindset or become healthier, we need to shift our thinking to be positive. It’s something I frequently promote on the blog. But that isn’t possible with a chronic illness. Sometimes we need a little extra help.

Can positive thinking help you manage your illness? What if you are feeling particularly low on positivity?

This is where a higher power or greater cause can step in to help. Belief comes from the same place in our brains, whether it’s religious or not. Having strong beliefs, no matter the source, helps us create a sense of community and support when we find others who are similar. Prayer or meditative practices can help quell darker emotions that arise in illness.

Depending on your perspective and your practices, it’s effortless to slip in positive thinking. You just have to use what you already know to work with you, rather than against you.

Positivity, Meditation, and Prayer

Nature works against us when we want to sit down and focus on the positive. Geared towards survival, we get caught in the negativity to help keep us safe. Yet, negative thinking causes so much mental and physical harm. We no longer need it to survive, yet it still follows us around.

Belief can help us ward off negative thoughts. If you have a higher power, you can engage in your practices to find comfort in the routine and tradition. If you don’t have a higher power, you can participate in relaxation/self-care exercises to help set your mind at ease.

Regardless of your background, when you want to start engaging in positive thinking, there are tools available to you. If you are religious, look into your texts, and any devotionals explicitly created for comfort. If you aren’t religious, there are a lot of secular and science-based books available to get you started.

Seek out someone more knowledgeable too: a leader in your community, life coach, or counselor. They can give you text, tools, and mantras equivalent to meditation or prayer.

Prayer, or self-reflection, help bring comfort to the practitioners. It can take the edge off of emotions, help you collect your thoughts, and self-soothe. Most importantly, it can give us a break we need to refocus our thoughts to be objective. While coping with a chronic illness, we sometimes sink into darkness and crisis. Prayer/meditation grants our brains the break we need to help see beyond the darkness.

If you have a higher power, you might hear them speak to you with words of comfort. If you don’t, you might gain a similar moment of peace while meditating. These practices serve as a wonderful means to distract us from our despair.

Is it Helpful?

Finding a sense of direction within your personal philosophy should always be helpful. Your belief system (of any kind) needs to bring you comfort, not additional stress. If you find that you aren’t getting the support you need, figure out what’s going on. You may need to re-examine your beliefs to see why it’s not fulfilling your needs.

When you are in a time of personal crisis, such as a diagnosis or exacerbation, you want something to draw your strength upon.

I found as I grew older that the philosophy I used as a child no longer worked or brought me comfort. It only brought anger and resentment. I needed to look elsewhere to draw support as I dealt with my MS and settled on one that I dabbled in since I was a teenager. It took me a long time to feel okay with this switch, but it was more important to care for my mental health than anything else.

If your philosophy works for you and brings you comfort, continue to find ways to keep it working for you. If not, then speak with someone objective: they might be able to healthfully redirect you to materials to help you reaffirm your beliefs. Examination and reflection is essential no matter your faith, or non-belief.

Keep trudging forward as you deal with your illness and continue to draw sources of strength close to you as a means of help.


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Featured photo credit: Canva


MS Mommy Blog: Summer Break

MS Mommy Blog will be taking this week off for a quick summer break.

Look for memorable re-posts on Facebook and Twitter. While I’m taking the week off from new posts, I will be working behind the scenes on new content and new opportunities coming up in the next couple of months.

May you have a safe and enjoyable holiday this week and look for new content on July 8th.


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Featured photo credit: canva.com


Good for the Nerves: Fall & MS

MS is a disease that’s affected by the weather, particularly extreme temperature variables. Summer and wintertime can be particularly rough because of the temperature swings on either end of the thermometer. The temperate or more moderate weather of the spring and fall can offer some relief for those who need it.

I know that for myself when it’s a consistent mid-70’s with low humidity, I am at my most comfortable. I find that I have more energy, able to sleep better at night and find the need for a midday nap to be lower. I still need naps because I have an energetic toddler, but I can skip the nap with minimal impact on my evening energy levels.

I know that my MS situation is different from others, so what is comfortable for me to function may be uncomfortable for others. That’s the unfortunate truth about MS – while fall is the ideal season for me to be my best, it can make others miserable. If fall isn’t your season, that’s okay because there’s bound to be another season that works best with your illness.

Fall Weather & MS (in the South)

All of this is to say that the fall weather makes me happier. I feel like we get more temperate days in the fall than we do in the spring, though if I looked at the temperature statistics I am probably wrong.

In the South, fall means that while we may still get 90-degree days, it feels like the day’s heat dissipates faster in the evenings and takes longer to be oppressive in the mornings. It also brings more rain during the hurricane season, which is less helpful because of the humidity, but ideal in keeping temperatures lower.

More Activities to Keep Moving & Healthy

As discussed on Tuesday, fall festivals are a great way to get out and enjoy the outside with family and friends. Going on hikes, particularly in the South, are more pleasant because the leaves haven’t dropped just yet, so there’s enough shade from the sun in the forest.

Walks are more pleasant to take in the evening, more importantly, less of a mental hassle when you don’t have to consider bringing a bunch of cooling supplies to keep from overheating (for me: ventilated shoes, water, and a hat).

As a runner, I find that some of my best personal records happen between the months of October and April because of the milder weather. I also don’t run into the issues of dehydration headaches after a race that I get in the hotter month. I get these headaches no matter how much I hydrate before, during, or after the race.

If physically able, yardwork is less oppressive as well. Raking leaves is a great cardio activity to get moving, as is trimming bushes.

While hydrating is still extremely important for those of us with MS, I find that it’s not as imperative as it is in the hotter weather. I also find my means of hydrating open up: I am a huge tea drinker and love drinking herbal tea in the fall. While drinking straight water is always recommended, drinking herbal tea is easier to swallow than straight, boring water.

Relaxing Atmosphere: Less Stress, Less Flare-Ups

Scientifically speaking, fall is a more relaxing time of year: we’ve been conditioned to enjoy it at least in the United States. Fall elicits cozy feelings, warmth, and togetherness ahead of the holiday season. The idea of sitting by a fire pit with a cup of mulled cider, a blanket, and good company is extremely relaxing.

My happy place is Pumpkin Spice Lattes which are a huge indicator of fall. That first sip of the year always relaxes me in the  “ah, fall is finally here” sort of way.

Stress is a huge factor for flare-ups, at least for myself, so having relaxing evenings helps minimize my stress. Any stress that comes during the fall is usually the kind I enjoy, i.e. planning gatherings, parties, events, and outings.

While my first flare-up happened at the beginning of December nearly six years ago, most of my flare-ups happen in the winter and summer months. I think because I have worked hard to make fall a relaxing time of the year for myself.

If you have MS or a chronic illness that is affected by the weather, what do you do to help manage it during your favorite seasons? What is your favorite season and why? Leave a comment with your thoughts below.


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Featured photo credit: Michelle Melton


Day Trips: Parents’ Day Off

Ash and I don’t go out often.

We tend to be homebodies, happy to spend our time together after Jai’s gone to bed. But we do try to get a night or a day off by ourselves at least once a month.

Leaving Jai is less of a problem given all that I do to prep him and the caregiver for our time away. Figuring out what to do for Ash and me – that can be a problem. Many times we go see a movie or out to dinner, but we end up having a lot of extra time either before or after the event and end up being aimless for the rest of our date.

Part of the problem is we don’t manage our time well. We aren’t exactly rushing to get back to Jai, but we do end up cutting our nights shorter because we can’t figure out what to do with ourselves.

One type of date with the most kind of success for both of us is the day trip where we go outside our comfort zones.

Considering a Day Trip

We can’t take day trips all the time, but they are perfect for our once a month outings. Taking a Saturday or a Sunday to get out of the area to do something fun is a fantastic way to reconnect and try something new.

Especially as parents, we’ve found that whenever we take a day trip somewhere we say to ourselves how much fun Jai would have if we take him there. More on that Friday. But these trips also double as reconnaissance for things to do with a toddler.

Day trips can be a road trip to a specific destination or becoming a tourist in your own city. It depends on the mood, desire, and time frame. Most of the time Ash and I limit ourselves to locations within a 3-hour drive from Jai.

When he’s ready to be away from both of us for more than 24-hours we will consider longer trips that can take us overnight.

I love day trips because many times it gets us away from the big city and into the countryside for a nice long drive. I love getting away from technology and the confines of the urban setting to recharge my batteries. I find that I get stressed if I spend too much time in the concrete jungle so taking a day to unwind out of my normal environment helps manage my personal stress.

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