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The Power of Others

When dealing with a chronic illness, it is sometimes our deepest desire to enlist the help of others. We might be too afraid to ask on the surface, but unconsciously we desire connection to others, especially when we feel alone. Often people want to help us, but can’t or don’t know how best to do so. Sometimes the best thing they can do is pray or send positive thoughts our way.

Is the concept of “thoughts and prayers” actually helpful? Or is it something we say to each other, and accept on our behalf as low-effort?

I think it boils down to your perspective. If you are a glass-half-full person, then having someone pray or reflect on you is helpful. If you are a glass-half-empty person, then it might be a hollow offer.

How can others help you through your health crisis? If you are new to my blog, please review this month’s disclaimer before reading any further.

The Power of Prayer (or Positive Thoughts)

As a teenager, I remember sitting and listening to my religious leader “cite” a study on the effect of prayer for those in crisis. I use quotes not to disparage, but because the leader was extremely vague about the study, the details, and did not provide resources to find the study on our own.

Reflecting back, I believe they were referring to Dr. Randolph C. Byrd’s 1988 study, “Positive therapeutic effects of intercessory prayer in a coronary care unit population.” The study found that participants who received intercessory prayer fared better in their follow-up appointments than those in the control group, who received no prayer at all.

Unfortunately, subsequent studies found that Dr. Byrd’s 1988 study to be at best flawed, and at worse irresponsible. Relying on prayer, regardless of the religion, to heal a patient can prevent the patient from receiving the necessary medical intervention needed to help with the illness. Each study that comes out relating to prayer and health finds little correlation between prayer and improvement of health.

Here comes the “but…”

While prayer itself may not change the outcome of a medical diagnosis, there is something behind knowing that others are thinking about you. It may not improve your health, but do you feel comfort when you know others tell you they are thinking/praying about you?

Unfortunately, I ran into a bunch of dead-ends in my research for this post surrounding the benefits of having others think about you. Current trends are to not worrying about what others think, and focusing solely on self-care. Both of these are positive in its own right, but it doesn’t answer the question: what are the benefits knowing others are thinking about us?

What I am about to say is speculative and unscientific: I believe knowing others think about you, whether it’s via prayers or positive thoughts, provides comfort. It allows those of us with a chronic illness to know we aren’t alone. Others may not know our experience, we may be alone (mentally) in our disease, but when others care for us to spend a few moments out of their day to reflect on our journey, it means a lot.

Going Beyond “Thoughts and Prayers”

If you are reading this as a friend or family member of someone with a chronic illness, there are some things you can do to stretch out your “thoughts and prayers” for them.

Use the time you reflect on them and find ways you can help. Sometimes, when we say we’re thinking about someone, it’s the most we can do. That’s fine, but consider doing something in their honor.

What You Can Do to Help

  1. If the person is dealing with a massive health crisis, consider getting yourself screened. For example, if they have cancer, try to get tested for that particular form of cancer. Or, get yourself screened as a potential donor for them or in general.
  2. Learn all you can about their health crisis and be better prepared for how to engage with the patient. In your research, find out what other patients say about the “dos and don’ts” in conversations.
  3. Donate money in the person’s honor towards research for their illness.
  4. Share across social media the latest information and research on the illness, but make sure to get their consent before tagging them.
  5. If you can physically help the person, take them to appointments or for a social outing of their choosing.

There are many other ways you can help someone with a chronic illness to extend the efficacy of thinking about them. You just have to find what works best for you and them.

Powerlessness and Control

Often, those in our lives feel powerless when we get a chronic illness diagnosis. They stand beside us, hold our hand, and do everything to help us manage our illness and still feel like they can do more.

Prayer or reflecting on us is an additional way to feel like they are helping. It’s calling on a higher power or the universe to intercede on our behalf. While the answer may never come, or be positive, it’s yet another way for our friends and family to feel in control in an out of control situation.

Sometimes saying “I will pray/keep you in my thoughts,” is enough to empower the person to go beyond the statement and spring into action.

When faced with powerlessness, the smallest action can help someone regain a sense of control. Next time someone says, “I am thinking about you,” think not of it as a common thing we say when there’s nothing to say, but rather a way of providing comfort at the moment.


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Belief, Positivity, and Chronic Illness

“Embrace the power of positive thinking!” We hear that all the time when we endure a health crisis, a rut, or embark on a wellness journey. We are told if we want to change our mindset or become healthier, we need to shift our thinking to be positive. It’s something I frequently promote on the blog. But that isn’t possible with a chronic illness. Sometimes we need a little extra help.

Can positive thinking help you manage your illness? What if you are feeling particularly low on positivity?

This is where a higher power or greater cause can step in to help. Belief comes from the same place in our brains, whether it’s religious or not. Having strong beliefs, no matter the source, helps us create a sense of community and support when we find others who are similar. Prayer or meditative practices can help quell darker emotions that arise in illness.

Depending on your perspective and your practices, it’s effortless to slip in positive thinking. You just have to use what you already know to work with you, rather than against you.

Positivity, Meditation, and Prayer

Nature works against us when we want to sit down and focus on the positive. Geared towards survival, we get caught in the negativity to help keep us safe. Yet, negative thinking causes so much mental and physical harm. We no longer need it to survive, yet it still follows us around.

Belief can help us ward off negative thoughts. If you have a higher power, you can engage in your practices to find comfort in the routine and tradition. If you don’t have a higher power, you can participate in relaxation/self-care exercises to help set your mind at ease.

Regardless of your background, when you want to start engaging in positive thinking, there are tools available to you. If you are religious, look into your texts, and any devotionals explicitly created for comfort. If you aren’t religious, there are a lot of secular and science-based books available to get you started.

Seek out someone more knowledgeable too: a leader in your community, life coach, or counselor. They can give you text, tools, and mantras equivalent to meditation or prayer.

Prayer, or self-reflection, help bring comfort to the practitioners. It can take the edge off of emotions, help you collect your thoughts, and self-soothe. Most importantly, it can give us a break we need to refocus our thoughts to be objective. While coping with a chronic illness, we sometimes sink into darkness and crisis. Prayer/meditation grants our brains the break we need to help see beyond the darkness.

If you have a higher power, you might hear them speak to you with words of comfort. If you don’t, you might gain a similar moment of peace while meditating. These practices serve as a wonderful means to distract us from our despair.

Is it Helpful?

Finding a sense of direction within your personal philosophy should always be helpful. Your belief system (of any kind) needs to bring you comfort, not additional stress. If you find that you aren’t getting the support you need, figure out what’s going on. You may need to re-examine your beliefs to see why it’s not fulfilling your needs.

When you are in a time of personal crisis, such as a diagnosis or exacerbation, you want something to draw your strength upon.

I found as I grew older that the philosophy I used as a child no longer worked or brought me comfort. It only brought anger and resentment. I needed to look elsewhere to draw support as I dealt with my MS and settled on one that I dabbled in since I was a teenager. It took me a long time to feel okay with this switch, but it was more important to care for my mental health than anything else.

If your philosophy works for you and brings you comfort, continue to find ways to keep it working for you. If not, then speak with someone objective: they might be able to healthfully redirect you to materials to help you reaffirm your beliefs. Examination and reflection is essential no matter your faith, or non-belief.

Keep trudging forward as you deal with your illness and continue to draw sources of strength close to you as a means of help.


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Featured photo credit: Canva


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A Higher Power with a Chronic Illness

Approximately 84% of the world’s population is religious in some way. The number may be lower if we compare those who say they are religious, versus those who actively practice. It is safe to assume that the majority of the world has some sort of religious background. For many people, when dealing with a crisis or celebration of some sort, they reach to a higher power. This higher power connects humans to one another, reaffirms the community bond, and provides comfort in times of need. When dealing with a chronic illness, sometimes that higher power provides the strength needed to cope.

For September, the MS Mommy Blog will discuss the advantages, and at times the disadvantages, of having a higher power during a wellness journey. If you have one deity, more than one, or none at all, you’ll find that I will touch upon your situation at least once this month.

A Quick Disclaimer

If I linked you back to this post, it’s because of the following disclaimer.

The MS Mommy Blog takes a strict stance of not promoting one particular religious practice over another, nor will it disparage a specific system of belief. If I take lessons from one philosophy more often than another, it is not an endorsement.

Because this month will have a lot of conversations surrounding religion, I will be as broad and general as possible to be inclusive. If I do use specific examples or terminology associated with one particular religion, it won’t be to promote it over another. This has everything to do with the limitation of the English language and tap into Western cultural shortcuts.

All examples will be done in an honoring way: I will not criticize any particular system of belief. I will, however, address some of the mental traps we fall into as a result of religion, not because of the religion itself. This might be perceived as a criticism, but please do not take it as such.

To be all-encompassing, I will not be using the word “god” in any capacity. Instead, I will use the term “higher power” or “greater cause.” If you have a particular deity, that is your higher power. If you are not religious or an adherent to a traditional belief system, you might have a greater cause that you focus on (see humanism as an example of what I mean).

Looking Beyond Ourselves

Often, at the start of any wellness journey, there’s a call to look beyond ourselves. We might reach out to our higher power to help us start or give us the strength to move forward. Being afraid to try something new, no matter how beneficial it may be, is reason enough to need strength from wherever you can get it. If you are not religious, you may look for other motivations: a child, a partner, or just for yourself.

Whatever the reason, we are looking within to look beyond.

The act of asking a higher power for strength or finding a greater cause allows us to reflect on our life from an objective perspective. We can see ourselves as others see us, and see where we might need an extra boost. Then we can ask for help from our higher power, or see resources related to our greater cause. The act of asking for help is a form of externalizing our desire and can help propel us forward.

I often find that looking beyond myself helps. It’s usually in the form of providing an example to Jai, I see what I want him to do, and therefore, I must model my behavior, so he follows suit. I am looking beyond myself to make changes in my wellness journey, and I find more success because of it.

Finding Motivation Beyond, Maybe

If you grew up in a particular system of belief or are newly converted, you know what works for you. If reaching out to your higher power gets you the answers and comfort you need, then do so. But make sure whatever response you get back is honest and healthy. Sometimes we get a specific response (or lack of response), and it may not be our higher power, but our unconscious getting in the way. That’s the “maybe” in this section’s header.

If you are not receiving comfort or an answer encouraging your personal wellness, seek out a second opinion. Find a leader you trust within your belief community and seek counsel. Understand that they are fallible too, but your higher power should want you to be strong, find comfort, and be healthy. Your leader should help you get a more honest response that isn’t muddled with unconscious and discouraging thoughts.

No Excuses

Here’s where I am going to get controversial: do not use your higher power or greater cause as an excuse not to make positive life changes to manage your illness. Really think about what your higher power or greater cause asks of you. One that wants you to be healthy and managing your illness in the best way possible is reasonable. One that asks you to stay stagnant and be unhealthy may not be your higher power, but your own unconsciousness afraid of change.

If you find that after speaking with your higher power, it gives you an answer to stay unhealthy, you may need to seek outside counsel to get to the source of that answer.

Higher Power & Chronic Illness

So how can a greater cause or higher power help you with your chronic illness? That’s something we’ll be examining for September. You may have one, and you may not. Whatever works for you and keeps you motivated and feeling happy – that’s what matters most.

Your wellness journey is your own, and ultimately, you need to stick with what keeps you moving forward healthily.


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Featured photo credit: Canva


December: A Month of Giving & Compassion

This December…

December is when we open up our hearts for people we know and the strangers we encounter. It can be hard to do so sometimes, but I find for myself, it can be especially rewarding to reach out to others. Seeing Jai exhibit tender moments of caring for people outside of himself is also rewarding and something I want to foster as much as possible.

Throughout this past year, I discussed the importance of generosity and compassion. Rather than re-write what I’ve already written, I am re-sharing some of my favorite posts on these two topics.

At the end of the month, look for my reflection on how I think my 2018 transpired with all the internal and external changes I’ve made.

Introducing the 2019 Newsletter

For 2019, MS Mommy Blog will have a weekly newsletter. I will be switching back to my three posts-a-week schedule, but on Fridays, my third post will appear only in the newsletter. The newsletter will include access to free printables, recipes, fun articles relating to the week’s theme, a 2019 challenge, and other exciting things that I want to share with my readers.

To make sure you don’t miss a thing, sign up for my newsletter below. I promise to only send you one email a week.

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Featured photo credit: Michelle Melton


The Science of Generosity

During the holiday season in the Western world, there is a mindset that people are to be generous with their time and money towards those who are less fortunate. A Christmas Carol is treated as a cautionary tale of what can happen if people pinch their pennies too much.

And to an extent, that is the case: in 2016, there was an upward trend in charitable gift giving with an estimation of $390 billion going to charitable causes, though this statistic isn’t isolated to a specific time of year. There are a number of reasons why people donate to charities at the end of the year: because it feels good, tax write-off, a cause of personal importance, appeal from a charity, etc. Though this survey points out that none of these reasons were actually motivating factors and asks the readers why that might be the case.

We can only speculate on what truly motivates people to give at the end of the year with this information, but my hope is because there is a feeling of generosity that permeates people during the holiday season. And there’s plenty of reasons why this might be the case.

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