Self-Compassion-book-review

Book Review: Self-Compassion

Almost a year ago I recognized I needed to change the relationship I had with myself.

I had a lot of negative emotions with no healthy outlet other than taking it out on myself. I searched online and through my subscription to Audible, I found several books to listen to while I was taking care of Jai.

That’s when I stumbled upon Dr. Kristen Neff’s book Self-Compassion. It was the first book I listened to it because the description spoke to me: finding a way to cope with the debilitating self-criticism I experienced every day. I listened to the book on my way to-and-from therapy, finding that it helped deepen each session.

Since first listening, or “reading” the book, I have found a marked difference in my demeanor and how I respond to negative feelings for myself and even for others. I’ve talked an awful lot about this book throughout my blog, so it was time that I sat down and actually reviewed the book.


What follows is my review of a book I chose on my own. I did not receive any compensation for this review.


Book Information

Title: Self-Compassion, The Prove Power of Being Kind to Yourself
Author: Kristen Neff, Ph.D
Date Published: 2011
Publisher: William Marrow
Pages: 305
Genre: Self-Help
Goodreads Links
Amazon Link (non-affiliate)
Official Book Website


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My Self-Compassion Journey

This post contains potentially disturbing material surrounding the topics of self-harm, self-hatred, and other self-destructive topics that might be troublesome to readers. If you or someone you know engages in this behavior, please know that you are not alone and there is help out there. Here’s a wonderful resource to get started.


I sometimes come across as a know-it-all. Ash has experienced it first-hand and it’s only a matter of time before Jai tells me that I don’t know what I am talking about. Dunning Kruger is real with me. It’s one of the reasons why I loved teaching and I love blogging. 

But when it comes to this month’s topic of taking care of yourself as you undergo a personal growth journey, know that it is actually coming from a place of experience.

I have experienced a lot of pain in my life, many of it directed towards myself as a coping mechanism for emotions that got to be too much. It wasn’t until I embraced self-acceptance and self-compassion that I was finally able to push through my journey and fully embrace who I wanted to become.

For today, I wanted to touch base on my own experience engaging in self-compassion and provide some light as to why I am constantly pushing it as a way of thinking, especially with a chronic illness.

The Trouble with Emotions

Emotions are so sticky and frustrating at times.

Growing up I never received the necessary training on how to effectively and healthfully manage my emotions. In New England, any sort of expression of emotion was frowned down upon so I learned to suppress my emotions as much as possible. Because I did not have a good outlet to manage my emotions, I turned them inward and started taking all the frustration out on myself.

Self-Harm as a Coping Mechanism

Rather than finding a healthy way to manage my emotions, I found that hurting myself was the only way to let all the negative emotions out. It was partially as a form of relief, but also a form of personal punishment.

I felt like I deserved the pain I caused because of something minor I did. I had a tendency to burn myself with matches and candle wax. I would spend hours picking at my face for perceived imperfections, not even stopping after I drew blood. I graduated at the end of high school to cutting my upper arms and hips, with some scars still there today.

I’ve seen other examples of self-harm online and mine were never extreme. While I still have scars, I felt like I was an imposter, a wannabe looking for attention when I hurt myself. Yet I hid my scars and scabs so no one knew what was happening. It was my secret and I did not want to have to answer questions.

I was doing this because I did not love myself and I needed to find a way to help me overcome this unhealthy behavior.

Therapy but then What?

When one self-harms, the first piece of advice everyone tells them is to go to therapy. Therapy is wonderful if you have a good guide in your therapist, but finding a “good” therapist is a lot of work. Especially when you are emotionally drained and the mere thought of looking for a therapist is overwhelming.

I am not deriding therapy, in fact, I absolutely encourage it as a means to effectively and healthfully work through any difficult and frustrating emotions you are feeling.

Here’s the “but”: therapy is a partnership.

You enter a relationship with your therapist and if it’s not a beneficial, productive, and has an unhealthy dynamic, then it is important to look for a new therapist. Therapy should be supportive and productive and the dynamic between you and the therapist must be a healthy one.

It took me several therapists and therapy styles before I settled on one that works for me. While I won’t say what style it is, I can say that without my therapist telling me directly, the focus in each session is self-compassion. We work together on finding ways to love myself, imperfections and all.

I think my experience with various therapists and styles helped me be receptive to the idea that my imperfections are part of what make me, me. Perfection, though we may desire it, is rather boring. The asymmetry in my life, my flaws, mistakes, bad behaviors: that’s what makes me an interesting person.

A therapy style that focuses on self-compassion may not be for you. You may want to do that outside of therapy, or not at all, and that is okay. It’s really about finding what works for you and getting yourself into space where you are able to love yourself.

You’re Never Prepared

Whether you are in therapy or not, when you are starting a personal journey to wellness, a lot of junk comes up and that can distract you from continuing with your personal goals. I say junk because it really can be clutter that serves to distract you from making positive changes.

I am not demeaning whatever that “junk” may be because it might be something you need to deal with, but the important thing is to take a moment (or month or year) to really work through the stuff weighing you down and finding a way to let it go or work with it.

This isn’t saying “just move on” or “just get over it.” Absolutely not. Some things you can’t get over. Some things are so ingrained within us and define us or are a part of us that there is no way to “get over it.” Rather, it’s about recognizing what you can change and what you have to work with and learning to love yourself through self-compassion to help manage it.

Dealing with crippling depression? The last thing you want or are able to do is to say “I am worthwhile and I deserve to love myself.” But if you are able to take a single moment in the darkness to say it, it may bring a small comfort to help you get up for a few minutes to work on something before retreating. It’s about taking those small steps, no matter how small they may be, that can get you moving in a healing direction.

You are never prepared for what comes up when working through things, or trying to make self-improvement changes. I have found that I can be going along thinking everything is okay and then something pops up that distracts me and demands my attention. That’s why I’ve had to reframe how I look at my whole journey.

Self-compassion helps with that re-framing.

How I Deal with Emotions Now

Since working with self-compassion on a more conscience level I have found that my desire and action for self-harm has lessened greatly. I still instinctively hit my head or leg if I have a particularly distressing thought, but it is no longer on a daily basis, multiple times a day.

Now, I have a split second between that thought and my arm raising to stop myself. I can use a mantra I’ve created for myself to stop the behavior before I do anything. I self-soothe myself into a more calm state by putting my words and situation in proper perspective. There are still times where I will react to my thoughts too fast, but once I realize what is happening, I can stop it from continuing.

I am also finding my negative thoughts/actions in previously emotionally charged situations lowered. Before I might dwell on something for hours on end, get territorial over something extremely petty, or imagine hypothetical scenarios with confrontational outcomes; but now I just let it go quickly. I still may have a minute our two where I think about it, but it no longer consumes me in the way it once did.

In short, I feel healthier and less stressed than even a year ago. The other day I came to a wonderful realization about how well I am managing my MS (more on that in an upcoming post) and this is without medication. I can’t even begin to imagine where I will be when I start up my MS medication again.

I may be unstoppable.

Self-Compassion is a Journey, not a Destination

Once you’ve come around to the way of thinking and embracing self-compassion know that that’s not the end of it. Self-compassion is something that I’ve had to practice with myself every day and mindfully practice. There are days where I don’t think about it or it is unnecessary, but there are other days where an old memory will pop up or I do something that I regret and want to take out on myself.

It’s in those moments that I have to remind myself that I am worthy of my love and I need to be kinder to myself.

There isn’t going to be a moment where I can say “I can stop being self-compassionate now, I’m healed!”

Life is, well, a life-long journey. In 20, 30, or possibly 50 years I will still need to engage in self-compassion. It will hopefully come more quickly to me, almost reflexive because of all the work I am doing now, and I may not even recognize that I am doing it.

Regardless, now that I’ve discovered this healthy method for dealing with my emotions and feelings, I have no plans of turning back.


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Featured photo credit: Michelle Melton


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Treating Chronic Illness with Self-Compassion

This post will be discussing some pretty heavy topics that may be bothersome to some readers. Discussion of self-hatred and self-harm are within this post. Please read responsibly and remember that you are not alone in your journey.


Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve discussed using self-compassion as a means of dealing with a chronic illness, but I haven’t gone into much detail over how and why that will be helpful. A lot of things happen when dealing with a chronic illness or a disease that severely impacts your life. You go through various stages of grief, wishing your life would be normal, and you hopefully get to a point where you accept that “normal” isn’t going to look like everyone else’s.

What happens is a lot of feelings of personal frustration towards the illness and yourself. When this happens, it’s important to treat yourself with a loving acceptance so you can begin to heal emotionally.

Body & Mind Betrayal

The biggest stumbling block is the betrayal of mind and body (dependant on the illness). Our mind doesn’t understand why our body no longer responds in the way it once did. If we were able to go an entire day without needing a break, our mind struggles to accept needing a nap mid-morning otherwise we’d collapse. Often questions such as these come up:

  • Why is my body like this?
  • What could I have done differently?
  • How/did I cause this?
  • Why did it have to be me?
  • Will I ever be healthy or whole again?
  • Why can’t I be like everyone else?

The answer to these questions, if there even is an answer, varies from person-to-person. Some illnesses just need an appropriate medication regimen to return a person to normal, and for others, we will have to adapt to the new normal. When we are able to compare our life now to what our life once was, feeling frustrated, angry, and betrayed by our body is normal.

Normalizing Self-Hatred

I already dealt with self-hatred before I was diagnosed with MS. When I received my diagnosis there was a time where I thought that I deserved it. I was a bad person and bad things like this happen to people like me.

Because I reached to self-hatred as a coping mechanism, I normalized my self-hatred even further.

If you never dealt with self-hatred prior to your diagnosis, you may not have an issue with it now, but there’s a possibility you start feeling hatred for you body post-diagnosis.

That self-hatred may be beyond your control. Some illnesses can change brain chemistry to make you feel and think things that aren’t normal for you. The very act of getting the illness could bring about feelings you’ve never experienced before in your life. I am not saying that everyone will hate themselves, but if you’ve noticed it happening more in your life, it may be because your chronic illness.

It’s important to recognize this happening and finding a way to healthfully manage it.

Working with your body even when it won’t work with you

With some chronic illnesses making meaningful physical and emotional changes can be difficult. Especially if you want to jump from zero to sixty within the next year or so. I am the kind of person who wants to jump fully into a new endeavor without considering logistics or consequences.

Exercise, both mental and physical, is extremely important in managing chronic illness symptoms. It can reduce stress, minimize symptoms, and help your overall perspective – moving you away from feelings of self-loathing. This won’t be a cure-all, but it is a great way to complement the care you are giving yourself as you manage your illness.

Because you know your body better than anyone, even a healthcare provider at times, you know what you are capable of and able to push yourself to do.

That said, sit down with a professional in whichever arena you want to start working on to help guide you through the process:

  • Emotional changes: ask your neurologist or healthcare specialist for a therapist/psychiatrist/psychologist recommendation. Chances are they know someone who specializes in your illness so you won’t be playing catch-up with the nuances. If they don’t have one, insurance portals can have a list of recommended professionals.
    • Go in with a plan of what you want to work on. This might be feelings of doubt, depression, self-hatred, frustration, or learning to cope with your new normal. A plan does not need to be strictly followed, but it will give you some direction to get started.
    • Don’t just settle on the first therapist/psychiatrist/psychologist you try out. If you don’t feel comfortable with them or that they aren’t listening to your needs/concerns – move on. You want someone who works with you, not against you. Especially with the mental and emotional work.
  • Physical changes: speak with your healthcare professional for some ideas on an exercise program or prescription for physical therapy. If they aren’t able to provide a cheap/free program recommendation for your situation, get their honest opinion of what you are capable of doing, especially on your own. Use that information in your research.
    • Look at the main awareness website for your chronic illness. Many of them have articles written on exercise recommendations for people in your situation. It’s a great starting point.
    • Look at a local pool for swim classes to get you started. If you have mobility or inflammation issues, the water can help alleviate stress on your body while helping to keep you stable.

Additionally, stick with whatever medication regimen recommended by your healthcare professional. If it’s not working for you or you are having really bad side-effects, bring this information to your doctor. Self-care begins by following peer-reviewed and tested medical practices. It won’t be one-size-fits-all, so you’ll have to make adjustments, but make those adjustments under the guidance of a professional.

The goal in taking these steps is regaining a sense of control over your mind and body. This will help you when you need to engage with self-compassion when you need it.

Treating Chronic Illness with Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is about giving yourself permission to feel bad and have bad days. It’s about being gentle with yourself when getting out of bed is the last thing you can think about. It’s also about pushing yourself a little harder because you know you are capable of completing a task.

Self-compassion is giving ourselves the advice we’d give friends in similar situations. With a chronic illness we’re stuck in our own perspective and sometimes unable to see that we need the love we’d give our friends (and our friends might be giving us).

Creating a mantra, an exercise we practiced in a recent newsletter, to help respond to any doubts or feelings you frequently have will help get you started on your path of self-compassion.

A good starting point is to answer those questions we asked ourselves earlier:

  • Why is my body like this? This is my body with my illness and while I may not have an answer to the “why,” it still takes care of me by functioning.
  • What could I have done differently? Unfortunately, chances are there was nothing I could have done differently. These things happen and it wasn’t my fault.
  • How/did I cause this? (If my illness is based on behavior or exposure from my past, I played a role, but that is in the past.) Chances are, nothing I did caused this, therefore blaming myself is unproductive. My present is now and I will move forward by loving what I am in this moment.
  • Why did it have to be me? Nothing out of our control happens to us to single us out. It happened and the only thing I can do is move forward and take control over my life in whatever way is possible.
  • Will I ever be healthy or whole again? I may never return to what I once was, but I can be healthy and whole in a new capacity. Having a chronic illness does not have to impact my outlook or ability to make changes.
  • Why can’t I be like everyone else? Sameness is overrated. This illness might bring out a part of me I never explored otherwise and I should take advantage and love that about myself.

Self-compassion will not cure your illness, but it can make it easier if you treat yourself kindly as you work through it. I have found that with self-compassion I am able to make more rational decisions about my health and stay motivated when I create a personal goal for myself.

It is important to see ourselves as worthy of our own love, illness and all, because we have so much we can contribute to all around us.

If you’re a subscriber to my newsletter, you’ve already seen some of the content and suggestions I’ve been making for readers. If you aren’t, it’s never too late to sign up and join the challenge.


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Featured photo credit:  Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash


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Identifying Chronic Illness Roadblocks

Each chronic illness is unique in its own way. If you have MS you know what to expect, but from MS case-to-MS case, what someone experiences is vastly different from someone else. This makes identifying chronic illness roadblocks particularly difficult if you are trying to figure out how to handle them.

I tend to be asymptomatic in a lot of health-related areas in my life. When I get optic neuritis, I get the vision blurring, but I don’t have any of the pain associated with it. Other people may get the vision and pain, while still others may just get the pain but no vision disruptions.

That’s why it’s important to focus on what happens to you in your situations, not what books or healthcare professionals say you should be experiencing.* Only you know yourself best, even if you haven’t taken the time to actively reflect on your illness.

Below are some questions you want to ask yourself and some tips on where to go depending on your responses. Use this post as an exercise in starting a plan for how to identify and manage your chronic illness roadblocks.

Identifying Life Goals

If you’re a newsletter subscriber, you’ve been working on creating some goals for this year. We’ve established 5 major goals to complete for 2019: 1 long-term goal and 4 short-term ones. If you are here to make some changes while coping with a chronic illness, ask yourself the following questions:

  • What is a specific goal I have in mind for myself?
  • How will this impact my life? How will it impact it for the better?
  • Is this a major life goal? (i.e. something that will alter my life path significantly)
  • Is this a minor life goal? (i.e. a small change I’ve wanted to make)
  • Is this goal related to my chronic illness and in what way?
  • How might this goal impact my illness postively or negatively?

Identifying Chronic Illness Roadblocks

Each chronic illness has its own set of complications that stick with us on a daily basis. It may be pain, numbness, fatigue, or some other invisible element that only serves to frustrate us. Take a moment to list out your daily symptoms when you are not experiencing an attack. Use the following ideas as prompts. You may need to take a few days being mindful of your schedule in order to accurately respond to the prompts:

  • My average energy level each day between 1 and 10 (“1” being no energy to “10” being on 5 cups of coffee) is:
  • My average pain level each day between 1 and 10 (“1” being no pain to “10” being necessary medical intervention) is:
  • What are my motor abilities on a good day? What are they on a mediocre day? What are they on a bad day (but not during an attack)?
  • How often do I have non-attack “low” days? (these may be days where one or more symptoms seem to be overwhelming)
  • How often do I have “high” days? (these will be days when your “spoon” or “matchbox” might be full)
  • Do my days have a cycle to them? Do I have more energy in the morning or in the afternoon?

Additionally, examine previous attacks brought on by your illness. Answer the following questions as honestly as possible. Contact your healthcare professional if you don’t remember or need clarification to get an accurate answer:

  • What attacks have I experienced in the past?
  • What happens in these attacks most of the time?
  • How long do they typically last?
  • How do I manage them alone? How do I manage them with my healthcare provider?
  • Do I know the source of these attacks? (i.e. if I am under a lot of personal stress am I more likely to experience an attack)
  • If I have a particularly bad attack, how disruptive to my life is it?

Make an active decision to chronicle your next attack. Write down the answers to the following points:

  • What happened just before it started
  • What was the first sign of the attack
  • How long did it go on for and what were the specific symptoms
  • What did you need to do to resolve it
  • What did you feel like after the attack (drained, relieved, etc.)
  • Is there a clear event that triggered it or a collection of factors

Making an effort to chronicle your future attacks will help you begin to recognize when you may be getting close to an attack and help you prevent it from starting or start the process of treating it.

I find that my L’Hermittes sign tends to appear when I am stressed out and goes away when I manage my personal stress levels. It’s a canary in the coal mine for me: if I don’t manage my L’Hermittes Sign and allow it to get more pronounced, then I may find myself in the middle of an even worse attack such as Optic Neuritis or lose limb functionality.

Plan to meet those goals

Once you’ve identified your goals and the chronic illness roadblocks (for “normal” days and attack days), it’s time to set up a plan on how to approach your goals. Look at the lists and examine any overlap or similarities in responses to the lists.

For example, in your personal goals, you may want to do more housework but found that on a normal, non-attack day you typically do not have enough energy by the afternoon.Therefore, you may want to schedule any housework you want to do in the mornings rather than putting it off until the afternoon.

Go through each goal and see how it might be impacted by your daily chronic illness symptoms. Then incorporate your attacks with your plans this year:

  • Do not be afraid of the schedule and to-do list. I realized in the months leading up to 2019 that I really needed to rely more on my planner and to-do lists in order to get everything done. My MS causes memory issues, so if something isn’t written down, it’s unlikely I will remember it.
  • Set up multiple goals that are situation specific. If you find that your attack leaves you bedridden for an indefinite period of time, set up a secondary goal that can be done while in bed. You may want to learn a hobby that allows you to work with your hands, or you might want to do more freelance work on your computer – have that goal take precedence when you are in the middle of an attack.
  • If you get tired at the beginning of the day no matter how well you space out your tasks, then front-load all your plans. Try to keep the amount to a reasonable number that you can achieve every day. Don’t plan for ten things if you can only reasonably complete four. This will prevent discouragement and give you a nice boost when you feel productive.
  • If you find that fatigue gets you and you absolutely must rest in order to continue forward, then plan in a daily nap at a specific time so you can help manage the rest of your day. If you are still working, try to schedule a break during this time to give yourself a few quiet moments.
  • If your attacks are ones that bring you to the hospital for a few days, pack a “go” bag ahead of time. Make sure to fill it with comfort and necessities, but also fill it with some of your smaller goals: easy to transport craft, a book you’ve wanted to read, some other project that you know you’ll be able to work on while recuperating. You won’t be scrambling looking for these items and it brings some control back into the situation.

These are just a few ideas to get you started on managing your roadblocks. The key is, if you plan to meet your goals, despite having the additional roadblocks, you’ll have more success.

Work with the illness, not against it

There is a temptation to either ignore or not factor in an illness when setting up goals. The issue with that is, while not acknowledging the illness might be for personal protection reasons, it’s setting yourself up for failure.

If I choose to ignore that fatigue is a problem for me, particularly after 1pm, then it is unlikely I am organizing my time wisely. If I want to successfully achieve my goals knowing that I need a nap around 1pm, then I will schedule only the important tasks before noon (to allow for some wiggle room). Any task completed after 1pm will be gravy and any task not completed after 1pm will be pushed off until tomorrow.

  • By identifying what is the source of your attacks, you can plan how to prevent or work towards preventing those attacks. It won’t be perfect or 100%, but it might help minimize the attack impact
  • Do not ignore the importance of the attacks. Many attacks can come out of the blue depending on your illness, but some are your body’s way of telling you something important. For me, it is telling me that I am pushing myself too hard and putting myself under unnecessary stress so I need to take a step back.
  • Do not look at an attack as a setback, but as an opportunity to reset and regroup. It might take you out of commission for several weeks or send you in the hospital, but this isn’t something that has to be negative, but turned into a positive: I need to rest and take care of myself, so let me do so in these moments.

Remember, being caring and loving to yourself should be behind all of your personal goals. If you want to make self-improvement goals, you are doing them from a place of wanting to love yourself.

Motivation, Motivation, Motivation

Figure out what motivates you. You might find that checking things off your to-do list motivates you to move forward. You’ve answered the questions why you want to make changes, find ways to actualize these changes in your mind.

If you want to keep sharp by doing some brain exercises, think about how nice it will be to be able to remember something without needing to write it down after doing exercises for a few months. If you want to find a new job because the current one is providing stress that exacerbates your attacks, then when you walk out of your interview should be a point of motivation.

Regardless of what it is that you want to do, maintain your motivation by seeing yourself where you want to be and the doing everything to get there. I found that beating my attacks back sooner than I did in the past as a form of motivation, which may work just as well for you too.

Keep moving forward

Attacks are going to happen. You will experience roadblocks. But how you manage the roadblocks will make all the difference. Always keep a plan in mind when identifying chronic illness roadblocks and making personal changes.

What keeps you moving forward? Share your thoughts in the comments below.


*I am not saying ignore or dismiss your healthcare professionals advice. I am. Please read my disclosure policy for more information.


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Featured photo credit:  Katie Moum on Unsplash


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Overcoming Roadblocks with a Chronic Illness

If you are taking this journey to wellness with a chronic illness, an understandable first concern will be: what about the normal roadblocks I encounter with my illness? What if I have a flare-up and cannot do anything for weeks time so it sets me back?

These are valid concerns and I am here to tell you that it will be okay when that happens.

Despite my best efforts, I still get mild MS flare-ups throughout the year. Because of my blog, I’m more aware that during the transitional times of the year, spring into summer, summer into fall, I am more likely to have some form of a flare-up.

These flare-ups can set me back a day, a few days, a week, and in one extreme case, a few months (though that’s been a while). 

I have learned to accept that these flare-ups are normal and move forward in my journey in spite of them.

New Journey; New Frustrations

Whenever starting a new journey there’s always moments of self-doubt. Will I succeed? What will the success look like? What would failure look like? How do I avoid failure?

There are always a ton of questions. When dealing with personal goals that require us to do extra work, such as adding in an extra walk for the day, looking over a boring task that you’ve been avoiding, or working through a particularly emotional part of your life; it’s easy to get stuck and want to avoid dealing with it altogether.

That’s part of the problem, something gets frustrating so we put it off and then we get discouraged and the cycle continues. Adding in a chronic illness where things happen out of our control adds an additional layer of frustration.

Chronic Attacks!

In the Multiple Sclerosis communities, we have many different names for when the illness/disease takes over: flare-up, exacerbation, and my personal favorite, the relapse. If you have another autoimmune disease, chronic illness, or personal wellness roadblock, you might have a different name for it.

To avoid confusion, let’s just call it an “attack.”

Attacks happen. You know they are going to happen and that might be discouraging, but it’s part of your normal like it or not. We might as well take a moment and embrace it. Our normal is not the same as anyone else’s normal. Let’s be honest: no one’s “normal” is like anyone else’s with or without a chronic illness.

The best thing we can do in these situations is to recognize that attacks will happen and prepare ourselves for dealing with them effectively. If you know what triggers an attack and how to manage it, then make a game plan.

Make the Changes Anyway

Since we know roadblocks with a chronic illness are going to happen anyways, there’s never going to be a good time to make the wellness changes you’ve been wanting to make. That’s why now is the time to make those changes regardless.

I would love to have a day where I don’t deal with any fatigue so I can do my yoga or respond to a bunch of emails that end up taking several hours. But I won’t get that day and if I do, I cannot plan for it. Chronic illness never allows me to fully plan when and if things get done.

If I want to do yoga or be productive, I have to make those changes regardless. Roadblocks with a chronic illness are normal, so it makes sense to accept them and work with the roadblocks when it comes time to start a wellness journey.

It sounds like I am saying “just do it,” and on the surface level, I am. But what is different is how you approach the “just do it” attitude. I am reducing a very complicated situation down to changing perspective because that’s the first step in a very difficult and very personal journey.

It’s all a Matter of Perspective

If you’ve been in the middle of your illnesses long enough, it’s easy to forget what it’s like to have a “normal” life. Concerns for attacks can rule your days, so you forget how different concerns would interfere with those who don’t cope with a chronic illness.

A car breaking down can take someone out of commission for weeks at a time, like an episode for us. Twisting an ankle might keep a person from exercising for a week until they recover, just like an attack.

Sure, we have the added concern the same things that happen for “normal” people happening to us PLUS dealing with an attack, but the point is –  everyone has things that can bring up a roadblock and stymie all progress made when trying to live a wellness-based life.

Maintaining the perspective that there is always a concern for an attack, but focusing on it ending (even though you don’t know when) and finding small ways to work around it will keep you going. Obviously, some attacks will prevent you from moving forward because if you are bedridden and there may be little you can do to adjust. However, if you are bedridden but able to lift a weight, even if it’s a book for a couple of repetitions, the very act of doing something may be enough to help keep you going.

Adjust your perspective to see that you are not alone because everyone has roadblocks, and that your roadblocks just look a little different than others.

Roadblocks with a Chronic Illness

As you begin your wellness journey, expect the roadblocks or attacks to happen, and embrace them. I am not recommending leaning into them to make excuses, but say to yourself: well, this is going to happen and I can’t necessarily change it, so I might as well work around these roadblocks to bring about a positive change in my life.

I cannot guarantee it because I am not a healthcare professional, but there’s a chance recognizing these attacks as normal and adjusting your perspective to be prepared for them might help lessen the attacks when you get them. It may never prevent them and what damage/time taken away from your life, but when you are ready for something you know how to effectively deal with it.

I have found that I’ve shortened the length of my attacks when I am prepared and don’t allow the attacks to discourage me or my progress. I tend to have an attitude of “well this is an annoyance, but I clearly need to slow down because I am overworking my body in some way.”

This suggestion and method of approach are not “one-size-fits-all” but if you’ve never tried to prepare yourself for these attacks in mind, it would be worth trying to account for them over the next couple of weeks.

For Wednesday, look for a post on how to begin the process of planning for and accounting for roadblocks.


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