identifying-wellness-changes

Identifying Wellness Changes

So often I get caught up with what’s going on in my life, at the moment, that I don’t take the time to step back and appreciate my development as a person. It’s easy not to recognize how we’ve grown as a person, partly because we are too close to the situation.

Or, more often is the case for me, I don’t reflect on the changes I’ve made and assume I am staying in one place. I presume that I am not experiencing growth because I don’t think of identifying my maturation. If I am bogged down with routine, I take for granted the moments where I behave differently than in the past. I miss seeing the benefit I am getting from my wellness changes.

It’s essential to appreciate the changes we’ve made, no matter how minuscule they might seem, because any change in a positive direction is a great start.

Identifying Changes

Back in February, I devoted a whole month to self-reflection. If we want to see what changes we’ve made throughout this year, we have to dive back into the self-reflection process. Hopefully, this will be less painful than a full-assessment of ourselves. If we feel like we haven’t done a lot of internal work this year, there might be a hesitation to self-reflect because of shame.

Unfortunately, we’ll have to push through those feelings of shame. At the end of the year, take a few moments to reflect on the positive. When your mind drifts into negative thinking, find something positive you did recently, and see what motivated you to do it. 

How will you know a change you made throughout the year is a positive one?

When making wellness goals, we often say things like: I want to exercise more, eat healthier, feel more satisfied, etc. And we’ve been through this cycle before: after making changes, two things happen. We “Fail,” as in, we give up. Or, we “fail” because we don’t notice changes quick enough, and feel like we are wasting time. 

It’s the lower-case “fail,” that we are examining today. Chances are if you don’t notice any positive changes in your life for the year, you didn’t fail. You just aren’t looking hard enough at what you have done. If you are continuing with your changes, despite not seeing the results that you want on time, consider this: you are sticking with it, and that counts as a success.

The entire point of this blog is tracking my wellness journey with MS as I wait to restart my medication. I wanted to get healthy to help manage my flare-ups and to provide a positive example to Jai. There are plenty of days where I don’t think I’ve made a difference in my life. I don’t see the results, so I assume I am spinning my wheels.

These last two months are proof that I’ve made changes, and the changes are working for me. I wrote about Lytton’s health issues at the end of October, and less than a month later, we had to say goodbye. The week we put him to sleep was stressful, surpassing the week I spent in the hospital utterly clueless about what was wrong with me, pre-diagnosis.

Not counting watching Lytton suffering through the final hours of his ailment, I fell from running the week before, Jai was sick, I had a mild infection, stress of an upcoming trip, and wondering when I would find time to catch up on the blog like I planned. Spoiler: I never caught up by evidence on the tardiness of this post.

When the dust started to settle, about a week or so later, I took a moment and realized something. I did not experience a flare-up. Given the amount of stress I was under, all the various negative moments I experienced, I was relatively calm and no indication of a flare-up.

I was pleased with myself. I weathered a hurricane of adverse events that, at any other point in my life, would have left me feeling defeated. I acknowledged that there are cycles in life where it feels like everything is piling on. I am in that cycle, but it will end, and I have to stay calm until then. I can’t fight life, as fighting will cause more stress. If I remain steadfast, acknowledge the feelings of frustration or sadness as they come up, and keep moving forward, I won’t drown in self-defeat.

Additionally, I experienced relapses for less. Granted, I still have a few days here and there where I want to stay in bed for a few hours over Lytton’s loss, but I know it’s coming more from depression and not from my MS. The fact that I am still managing my MS without medication and not undergoing a relapse shows me that the changes I made are working. 

Hopefully, you aren’t experiencing a down cycle where life is piling on to show you the effectiveness of your life changes. But I hope you take this away from the post: even if you don’t notice the changes working, chances are you are in a better space than you were before you started.


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Sugar and Chronic Illness

This post was originally published in October 2017. I’ve updated it to include a follow up since the original publication. Find my thoughts on sugar and chronic illness under my update.

2019 Note: This was a check-in post relating to a series of diet changes I made. Because I was breastfeeding Jai, I could not take my MS medication until I finished. I wanted to find a way to manage my illness until I restarted my medication.


Cutting sugar went smoother than I expected, though there were a few days where I was irritable, according to Ash. I refuse to believe him, but deep down, I know he’s right. No longer having that emotional crutch makes for a very grumpy me.

Psychologically speaking, it was a lot easier than I expected. As long as I didn’t have sugary treats in the house (I tossed all of our sweets or sent them with Ash to work); I avoided buying sugary drinks (everyone knows that my weakness is a good Pumpkin Spice Latte in the fall). If I had fruit for any sweet cravings, I was good to go. Every time I drove by a Starbucks, there was a temptation to pull in and just give in to that PSL craving, but I made sure to keep going and have a few bites of pineapple as soon as I got home.

A couple of times, I did eventually stop at Starbucks, and I made sure only to order an Americano. Before I was pregnant, I was in the habit of drinking all my coffee black unless it was a latte. It wasn’t hard for me to get back into drinking with nothing in them. I think it helped a bit too.

Coffee is a wonder drug (and sadly, probably something I need to add to my drop list), and can make a lot of things better.

I didn’t notice any headaches, though, at the beginning of the week, I was more sluggish and in need of an extra nap or two during the day. By the time Ash came home from work, I was very ready to pass Jai off to him, so I could lay down and not think or move for an hour. By day 3 or so, I had a little more energy, and by this morning (day 5), I had even more energy to do my running around without the need for a nap.

I also noticed that during my long run on Thursday, I was able to keep up with my mom and felt less fatigued at the end of it. I also felt motivated to go again this morning (though that would be off schedule). Me? Motivated to run off schedule? This really is unheard of – I hate running.

While shopping, I made sure to review all the labels like I said I would: any time it was High Fructose Corn Syrup or unidentified form of “sugar,” I would move along. From my research, they said that sugar is hidden in everything, and it really is true. Sugar is everywhere. Foods that I usually love to eat, like certain types of crackers or even grab-n-go frozen meals…all contain sugar. I also made sure to avoid agave and honey. If the item were sweetened with fruit juice or dates – I would be willing to grab it to consume.

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Leading Others Along the Way

On Monday, I discussed how we inadvertently become leaders when we go public with our chronic illness diagnosis. We may not ask, nor want the responsibility, but it inevitably happens. Therefore, we face the questions: should I lead? Do I want to? and what example should I set?

Living with a chronic illness in the United States is becoming a more common occurrence. Because of this uptick, it is becoming more common to know someone affected with a chronic disease. Let’s reflect before your diagnosis for a moment: with your symptoms, did you go online and search for answers before visiting a doctor? If you knew someone with the disease in the results, did you approach them with questions?

So often, when I answer questions about my MS to those experiencing similar symptoms, do I hear how scared they are. There’s a desire for reassurance that they don’t have MS, or that it’s not a death sentence. People are seeking a connection with a person living with an illness that is not in search results. As someone who is out with my diagnosis, my role is to comfort and inform. 

I can, as can you, choose not to take on this role.  

We do not owe anyone answers about our illness. We can choose to refuse to answer, advocate, or inform about the disease. Yet, it is vital to be aware that when we go public with a chronic illness, we will continually field questions until others understand our stance on the matter.

If you choose to take on the role of “local” leader and “expert” on your disease, I wanted to write this post with you in mind. 

What are my Responsibilities?

If you’ve decided to be public with your illness and accepted a leadership role, there’s a set of unspoken responsibilities that come with it. I spoke briefly about this on Monday. I wasn’t aware of all of these responsibilities when I first started blogging about my MS.

As I went along in my journey, I saw good and bad examples of advocacy. As someone out with their disease, it’s imperative you set yourself apart from those who are out for the attention. You will find that there’s always someone out there who is a poor advocate for your illness. They post sensational images on social media, only focus on the negative aspects, and do not take the opportunity to inform others about the disease itself (just that they have it).

They might be considered inspiring by others, too, but look beyond the sensationalism and see the truth: they are attention-seeking and not informing. Be more responsible and educate others about your illness. The ones who are flashy and irresponsible make more work for the rest of us, so it’s important you help the cause rather than hinder it.

I want to share the responsibilities we undertake when we go public with our illness and become a token advocate for others. 

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Turning It Over

I struggle with letting go of control. Ash will tell you this should you ask him. When I get into a micro-managing state, it’s one of the quickest ways for me to experience an exacerbation. When I feel out of control, I tighten my grip to control everything around me, and then I stress out because I feel out of control. While I haven’t had a significant exacerbation in several years, my brain fog, L’Hermittes Sign, and neck twinges when I start down the path of stressing out. 

I’ve learned I have had to say to myself, “I can’t control everything, so I need to stop,” and attempt to go with the flow no matter what direction that might take. But I can slip back into bad habits of wanting to control everything and then I start stressing out again.

It’s a vicious cycle.

And usually feeling out of control helps bring that about. I’ve learned that I cannot control everything, and for the most part I do well to go with the flow of everything, but then I slip back into bad habits of wanting to control everything around me and then I get back into that space of feeling out of control and stressed.

It’s a vicious cycle.

When we have a particular life philosophy, we are often told to let go and give up control. And there’s something to that – it’s just got to be done in a healthy and reasonable manner. I have found what works for me, and so it’s important that you find what works for you.

I’ve learned I have had to say to myself, “I can’t control everything, so I need to stop,” and attempt to go with the flow no matter what direction that might take. But I can slip back into bad habits of wanting to control everything, and then I start stressing out again.

Depending on your life philosophy, or belief system, we are often told the importance of giving up control. That may be to a higher power, the universe, or just in general. That’s solid advice no matter your background: recognizing what you can control, what you can’t, and letting go of what you can’t.

When we have a particular life philosophy, we are often told to let go and give up control. And there’s something to that – it’s just got to be done in a healthy and reasonable manner. I have found what works for me, and so it’s important that you find what works for you.

Letting Go of Our Worries

If you have a higher power, you are at an advantage to someone who does not, because many belief systems teach the importance of giving up control to a higher power. If you don’t have a particular belief system, you have to remind yourself not to be so controlling and go with the flow. It’s a built-in reminder that those without a higher power do not have. But if you don’t have a higher power, that’s fine, you just have to remember to say, “it’s okay, I don’t need to control everything.”

Struggle with giving up control? Well, if you have a belief system, seek out direct texts that teach you to give up control. If you can’t find anything there that speaks to you, seek out secondary books, usually written by scholars, that might speak to the matter.

If you don’t have a belief system, consider mindfulness techniques to bring you back to the present moment. When you focus on the present, the moment you are in now, you cannot try to control everything around you. Center yourself at the moment and find ways to let go of the control you are fighting to hold. Look to your health as a starting point: I must let go of control to better tend to my health.

Finding the Balance

This brings up the question: who is responsible for our lives? Us? Our Higher Power? The Universe? Something else?

That’s an answer only you can decide. I cannot tell you, nor can I presume to suggest the correct answer. What I can do is tell you what worked for me, but that does not mean it will work for you.

For myself, I gave up personal responsibility when I had a specific higher power. I gave that higher power responsibility for my life, my happiness, and at times, my actions. I gave up too much control to this higher power. They were not responsible for my specific actions or responses to a situation, though I said they were as a means of absolving bad behaviors.

When I took responsibility for my actions and reactions to situations, I found a more profound peace within myself because I was able to feel more in control of my life. Even though things happened to me, outside of my control, I recognized that my response to those things was something I could control. It was about finding a balance between what I could control and what I could give up.

Figure out the balance in your own life: what responsibility can you take on for yourself, and what control you can let go. When you recognize that there are elements in life beyond your control, such as your chronic illness, you can start to lower your stress.

Acceptance of What We Cannot Change

Another advantage people with a higher power have over those who do not have one, is it allows for recognition for what cannot be changed and force us to move forward. Without a higher power, there needs to be a reminder to move forward in life, despite the roadblocks. People can place their trust in the higher power to see them through and take comfort in that.

Without a higher power, we must seek comfort elsewhere. We must trust that life will guide us through the process and that a coincidence will pop up to allow us to move forward or find an alternative. Often, life provides us with this when we aren’t expecting it. So remember to expect nothing, but accept everything to embrace an opportunity when it arises.

Moving Forward

It’s not easy to give up control, whether to a higher power or just in general. It’s never going to be easy, no matter how often we might need to do it. Why? Because control allows us to feel empowered. When we give up control, we lose a sense of power.

But if we want to move forward in life, if we’re going to begin to heal the emotional wounds caused by a chronic illness, we must give up control over things we cannot control. Whether that is to your higher power or to something else, when you give up control, you begin the process to move forward in life.

Life moves us in a forward momentum whether we like it or not, we might as well accept that movement and find ways to work with it, rather than against it.


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The Power of Others

When dealing with a chronic illness, it is sometimes our deepest desire to enlist the help of others. We might be too afraid to ask on the surface, but unconsciously we desire connection to others, especially when we feel alone. Often people want to help us, but can’t or don’t know how best to do so. Sometimes the best thing they can do is pray or send positive thoughts our way.

Is the concept of “thoughts and prayers” actually helpful? Or is it something we say to each other, and accept on our behalf as low-effort?

I think it boils down to your perspective. If you are a glass-half-full person, then having someone pray or reflect on you is helpful. If you are a glass-half-empty person, then it might be a hollow offer.

How can others help you through your health crisis? If you are new to my blog, please review this month’s disclaimer before reading any further.

The Power of Prayer (or Positive Thoughts)

As a teenager, I remember sitting and listening to my religious leader “cite” a study on the effect of prayer for those in crisis. I use quotes not to disparage, but because the leader was extremely vague about the study, the details, and did not provide resources to find the study on our own.

Reflecting back, I believe they were referring to Dr. Randolph C. Byrd’s 1988 study, “Positive therapeutic effects of intercessory prayer in a coronary care unit population.” The study found that participants who received intercessory prayer fared better in their follow-up appointments than those in the control group, who received no prayer at all.

Unfortunately, subsequent studies found that Dr. Byrd’s 1988 study to be at best flawed, and at worse irresponsible. Relying on prayer, regardless of the religion, to heal a patient can prevent the patient from receiving the necessary medical intervention needed to help with the illness. Each study that comes out relating to prayer and health finds little correlation between prayer and improvement of health.

Here comes the “but…”

While prayer itself may not change the outcome of a medical diagnosis, there is something behind knowing that others are thinking about you. It may not improve your health, but do you feel comfort when you know others tell you they are thinking/praying about you?

Unfortunately, I ran into a bunch of dead-ends in my research for this post surrounding the benefits of having others think about you. Current trends are to not worrying about what others think, and focusing solely on self-care. Both of these are positive in its own right, but it doesn’t answer the question: what are the benefits knowing others are thinking about us?

What I am about to say is speculative and unscientific: I believe knowing others think about you, whether it’s via prayers or positive thoughts, provides comfort. It allows those of us with a chronic illness to know we aren’t alone. Others may not know our experience, we may be alone (mentally) in our disease, but when others care for us to spend a few moments out of their day to reflect on our journey, it means a lot.

Going Beyond “Thoughts and Prayers”

If you are reading this as a friend or family member of someone with a chronic illness, there are some things you can do to stretch out your “thoughts and prayers” for them.

Use the time you reflect on them and find ways you can help. Sometimes, when we say we’re thinking about someone, it’s the most we can do. That’s fine, but consider doing something in their honor.

What You Can Do to Help

  1. If the person is dealing with a massive health crisis, consider getting yourself screened. For example, if they have cancer, try to get tested for that particular form of cancer. Or, get yourself screened as a potential donor for them or in general.
  2. Learn all you can about their health crisis and be better prepared for how to engage with the patient. In your research, find out what other patients say about the “dos and don’ts” in conversations.
  3. Donate money in the person’s honor towards research for their illness.
  4. Share across social media the latest information and research on the illness, but make sure to get their consent before tagging them.
  5. If you can physically help the person, take them to appointments or for a social outing of their choosing.

There are many other ways you can help someone with a chronic illness to extend the efficacy of thinking about them. You just have to find what works best for you and them.

Powerlessness and Control

Often, those in our lives feel powerless when we get a chronic illness diagnosis. They stand beside us, hold our hand, and do everything to help us manage our illness and still feel like they can do more.

Prayer or reflecting on us is an additional way to feel like they are helping. It’s calling on a higher power or the universe to intercede on our behalf. While the answer may never come, or be positive, it’s yet another way for our friends and family to feel in control in an out of control situation.

Sometimes saying “I will pray/keep you in my thoughts,” is enough to empower the person to go beyond the statement and spring into action.

When faced with powerlessness, the smallest action can help someone regain a sense of control. Next time someone says, “I am thinking about you,” think not of it as a common thing we say when there’s nothing to say, but rather a way of providing comfort at the moment.


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