Passing Compassion Along

This is the second week in a 3-week series on parenting observations. Week one is based on gentle parenting, week two is about parenting with compassion, and week three is about parenting with a disability.

These posts are based on my personal experiences as a parent and are not meant in any way to judge other parenting styles or decisions. I am offering my personal research and conclusions as possible suggestions for others out there, therefore these posts will be as objective as possible. When it comes to parenting: provided the method isn’t abusive, there really isn’t a wrong way to parent your child. Be secure and do what works best for you and your family and ignore outside judgment.

This post was originally published February 2018.


Incorporating compassion towards yourself and your little one will naturally lead to raising a compassionate child, but there are other ways to work compassion into the daily routine. There are a lot of great suggestions out there from various parenting websites. I’ve pulled a list together of my favorite suggestions that I want to incorporate with Jai as he grows up and as reminders of what I can do on a daily basis for myself.

Nota bene: This post will be using the universal “you/second person” pronouns throughout, so while it may not speak to your experience directly, it may apply to someone else you know.

Compassion is Nurture not Nature

For some children, compassion appears to be inherent, but for most of us, it is something that needs to be taught either by adult example or via life lessons. To best ensure a child becomes a compassionate adult, it is important to teach compassion as part of the growing process. Age of the child (or adult) does not matter, it is something that can be trained at any point in life.

Compassion is not fundamental to being human, but the greater compassion (and self-compassion) a person has, the greater their personal success both personally and professionally.  More than self-esteem, teaching compassion will increase a child’s ability to successfully navigate the world. Increased self-esteem is secondary to compassion in most cases, though it follows closely behind.

Therefore, teaching compassion will be helpful in making the world a better place on a macro-level, but on the individual level for your loved one. The world becomes less harsh, not because of rose-colored glasses, but because your little one does not take adversity personally and takes it in stride. When bad things happen, they are viewed as lessons for growth and not personal insults to their being.

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Self-Generosity

This post was originally published in December 2017.


At this time of year, life can get overwhelming. There are social, familial, and professional obligations that all demand our full attention. While these demands don’t go away, they do seem more urgent at the end of the calendar year.

It is easy to get caught up in these demands and struggle to prioritize them (and sometimes they don’t allow for reasonable prioritization). It leaves a person feeling frazzled, burnt out, and hating the holiday season.

That isn’t the case for everyone, but I am sure we’ve all had moments in life where we would like to skip straight to January 2nd and move on with our lives.

We’ve run into others who feel this way: try going into a mall around this time of year. I’ll just leave it at that.

Piling on top of the usual life demands are calls for generosity from various organizations at the end of the year. Commercials are filled with pathos-based appeals to get the viewer to donate to various causes. Religious leaders ask their people to open up their wallets and give money, toys, or time to those who are less fortunate. Stories of tragic events lead to calls for donations of food, items, and blood. Passive social pressures increase: social media pages are flooded with posts from others announcing their generosity.

It gets extremely overwhelming.

The issue is, that when we think about the term “generosity” we think about it as giving to others. But look at the definition of the word:

Generosity
nounplural generosities.

1. readiness or liberality in giving.
2. freedom from meanness or smallness of mind or character.

3. a generous act:
   We thanked him for his many generosities.

4. largeness or fullness; amplitude.

Dictionary.com

Nowhere in the definition does it specifically define generosity as an act we give to others. It is an act of giving and love, but with no defined recipient.

When we get caught up in the minutiae we completely forget about the importance of taking care of ourselves. We are told that we should be generous with our time and care for others, but it’s extremely hard to care about another person if we don’t take care of ourselves.

If we care for our own needs first we can be more effective for others. And when everything becomes too overwhelming, we might be able to see through it with less stress and frustration.

The Importance of Self-Care

I saw this quote posted on a friend’s Facebook wall and it was the foundation for this post. I kept the original formatting:

self care isn’t always lush bath bombs and $20 face masks. sometimes, it’s going to bed at 8pm or letting go of a bad friend. it’s forgiving yourself for not meeting your impossible standards & understanding u are worth it. self care isn’t always luxury, but a mean for survival

Cheerful Nihilism

Self-care quotes, personal revelations about self-care, articles expounding self-care all make the rounds on a fairly frequent basis. Some of them connect with us and others we either ignore or go, “yeah, if only it was that easy.”

All the wisdom in the world about self-care/self-generosity does not mean anything if it doesn’t connect with you. And let’s be blunt about the quotes/revelations/articles: they aren’t saying anything new. It’s all steeped in common sense.

We just need them to remind us every so often.

I am not an expert that can espouse pearls of wisdom of how to better take care of yourself, but I do recommend that you be more generous to yourself. Allow yourself to be more selfish.

But this isn’t the same when we think about being selfish. This is a loving selfishness.

Recognize that you need to take care of yourself before you can care for others. The Mayo Clinic recommends that caregivers take care of themselves first before they take care of others. They acknowledge that a person must be selfish if they are going to be an effective long-term caregiver.

Everyone is a caregiver. For some, it’s for another person; for everyone, it’s themselves. We all must care for ourselves.

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What’s New and Did You Know?

I apologize for the lull at the MS//Mommy Blog and the MS//Mommy Facebook Page: I’m currently fighting a nasty spring cold that refuses to go away. I am hoping to wrap it up this weekend but needless to say, it’s really annoying and interfering with my work.

While I am waiting to get back on my feet, and following my own advice, I wanted to highlight some blog items, what I’m up to, and social media information. Back to our regularly scheduled posts next week!

It’s May!

May celebrates Mother’s Day in the US, so we’ll be focusing this month on motherhood. A more detailed post will be forthcoming, but MS//Mommy has already changed its look to reflect the month’s theme. Check it out if you haven’t had a chance.

Currently Bookmarked

Here are some books I am currently working my way through either on Audible or on my nightstand. I haven’t completed them, but I can definitively say that I am finding the reading enjoyable and informative. I am hoping to throw in some pleasure reading soon.

I am one of those people who has multiple books started and jumps around. I should probably work on that…

Books in Queue

These links are part of the Amazon Affiliate program.

 

Did you know?

If you follow MS//Mommy on WordPress, did you know I have a bunch of Social Media accounts to follow as well? My main account is the Facebook page where I post additional articles relating to the day’s post. It’s a great way to connect with me and others.

Check out all my accounts below:


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MS Awareness Month…Final Thoughts

As we finish up MS Awareness Month I wanted to reflect on some thoughts that came up throughout the month.

I found this month to be deeply meditative because it forced me to confront some unresolved conflicts with my diagnosis. While I’ve moved into the acceptance stage with my MS diagnosis, there was some information that I ignored throughout the denial stage that I resolved this month. I had avoided, up until now, to learn the truth about the minor details.

It also forced me to consider how to have the MS conversation with Jai. While he’s too young to understand what MS is, being prepared to have the conversation will keep it natural and hopefully not overwhelm either of us.

I have been overwhelmed by the response to this month’s most popular post: “The first few days…” I honestly hadn’t expected this post to be popular. It was the hardest post to write, I worked on it for about two weeks because it emotionally put me back in the days right after the diagnosis. Those were some dark days, but I was able to pull them to have brighter days and feel more hopeful about my future.

I am hoping that its popularity meant it resonated with others and will provide some measure of comfort during those darker times.

Overall, this month was a difficult one to blog through because many of the posts required a level of emotional and mental fortitude I hadn’t expected. I poured a lot of myself into these posts and I am deeply grateful for the positive responses I’ve received from my various social media accounts.

But this was a wonderful month, it allowed me to feel connected to the MS community on a deeper level and amazed at all the strong fighters in my ranks. I conquered my third half marathon and have had the opportunity to work with some other extremely talented bloggers. Overall, this month was a success.

And remember, MS can’t catch us.

MM-MSMommy-tshirt-blackandwhite


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March is Multiple Sclerosis Awareness Month

In honor of MS Awareness month and week (March 11-17), MS//Mommy will feature a series on the following topics: raising MS awareness, getting involved, advocating for your health, dealing with an MS diagnosis, parenting with MS, and educational tools for family and strangers.

MS//Mommy blog has a new look for the month, so please stop by to check it out.

 

Raising Awareness on Social Media

I’ve made a series of banners and images that you are free to use to help raise MS awareness. These are free to download for personal use only. For professional use, please contact me.

Please do not remove the msmommy.blog credit on the photo and make sure to credit MS//Mommy in your post. Credit information for each medium found below.

Facebook

Download a Facebook cover photo for the month:

Cover Photo

Be sure to tag the MS//Mommy Facebook page when you use this photo. Don’t forget to check out the page and give it a like to follow for MS stories and relevant articles to blog posts.

If you are a Facebook user, I created this profile frame. Follow the link below to use the frame:

Twitter

Twitter banner:

Twitter Banner

Tweet credit @msmommy16 and use the #msmommyblog

Instagram

Instagram image:

Instagram Photo

Tag and include @msmommyblog in your post description and use the #msmommyblog

Share Your MS Story this Month

If you have an MS story or advice that you would like featured on the MS//Mommy Facebook page, please email me for more information.


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