Gratitude for all Things

For the month of November, I am taking each day to highlight some element in my life that I want to express my gratitude about. This could be something deeply personal or just a passing appreciation for something more superficial. 


We are at the end of my short journey through things that I am grateful for and I want to thank you for coming along with me. I know that people listing off things they are grateful for can be boring, but hopefully it’s provided some food for thought. Whenever I hear others talk about their gratitude, it gives me a moment to think about those same things in my life and wonder if I’ve expressed my gratitude for them as well.

While I know I missed discussing a lot of important things in my life, I wanted to highlight topics that I rarely discuss on my blog but are deserving of my thoughts. My blog, my parents, my companion animals… all are extremely important to me but don’t get as much love as they deserve here.

I also found that reflecting on the positive impact my MS has had in my life has helped reaffirm my perspective. I cannot change my diagnosis and the impact it has in my life, but I can change my attitude and how much I allow that impact to be negative. By turning towards the positive elements of my illness (perspective change, refocusing of priorities, etc.) I no longer feel the bitterness I once did, nor do my symptom heavy days keep me down like they once did.

The Advantages of Gratitude

In my more successful meditative practices, I get my grounding faster when expressing gratitude to even the more mundane parts of my life. It feels weird being thankful for a house, car, or the privilege to take a few moments to meditate. For me, expressing internal gratitude for these items allows me to recognize where I would be if I did not have them. I feel like it motivates me to do more when confronted with others who don’t have as many privileges as I do.

I also find that when I am grateful for what I have, I have less stress in my life. There is an element of recognizing what I don’t have (and might wish that was different), but as long as I don’t focus on that part as much, I am fine. It goes back to how I approach my illness: don’t focus on the negative or the lack, but on the positive and what I can achieve.

Moving into December

Spending time reflecting on how important gratitude is in my life and how important it is to be grateful for what I do have makes a smooth transition into December when I spend a little more time about the prospect of giving and compassion.

It makes a lot of sense for one seasonal idea to follow the other: after recognizing what we have we can take the steps to help others in many different but meaningful ways.

What have you to be grateful for at the end of this month? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.


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Featured photo credit: Michelle Melton


MS Mommy Blog

For the month of November, I am taking each day to highlight some element in my life that I want to express my gratitude about. This could be something deeply personal or just a passing appreciation for something more superficial. 


In my final post focusing on things I am grateful for, I wanted to spend some time talking about the blog itself.

I started the blog back in September 2017 without any real plan or fully formed goal in mind. I just wanted to have a space to discuss my healthy living plans and how it worked out for me, but with no real long-term intentions. While I still consider this blog in its early stages, it’s refocused into something more: space where I can talk about my MS, my healthy living goals, and an honest discussion of my self-improvement journey.

As I enter my second year of blogging, I’ve come up with more concrete goals and plans to re-focus the blog into something more meaningful and deeper purpose.

This blog has helped me to maintain my sense of self and reconnect with a childhood dream and for that, I am grateful for the blog’s existence.

Childhood Dreams

When I was a little girl I watched the Wonderworks Anne of Green Gables over and over again. I wanted to be exactly like Anne Shirley, a writer when I was older. In my mind, I would be a fiction writer of some sort, the dream evolving into the direction of a fantasy author similar to Martin or Eddings. With that goal in mind, I focused my education so I could become a writer, I took a bunch of creative writing classes in High School, got my undergraduate in creative writing, and when I went to graduate school, chose literature so I could teach for a living and write in my spare time.

Life, as I have said many times in my posts, got in the way and caused me to get sidetracked. I felt worn down and defeated when it came to my writing because I felt I was never going to be good enough to get published. I had ideas, I felt like I had some talent, but I couldn’t compete with what was out there. The market evolved and changed from my childhood and the need for novelists diminished. Those in the field had to be good. I didn’t believe I would ever be good enough.

Graduate school didn’t help because it re-trained my creative writing and focused on the academic-bend. This made my writing and writing process clinical and focused on the technical aspects of writing. No longer could my writing be organic, but it had to be planned out. It did, however, help train me to write under the pressure of a deadline. I am grateful for that.

Best Laid Plans…

I just assumed that my dreams of becoming a published author were just that: dreams. I would end up teaching until I retired and then I would reconsider writing as a second career.

I defined “being a writer” on the fiction side of writing. To me, while I am a fan of non-fiction authors like David Sedaris, a writer was someone who published fiction novels. I wanted to be like Anne Shirley and get a novel published. Fiction writer. Next “great American novel.” That sort of thing.

My ego wasn’t lacking.

So any other writing I did outside of fiction didn’t count in my mind. I viewed my blog writing similar to my academic writing: very clinical with some points here and there to make it more interesting, but not really writing. It wasn’t until a conversation Ash had with me a few months ago that it clicked in my head:

Ash: You’re a writer.
Me: What? No. No, I am not.
Ash: Yes you are! What are you doing?
Me: Writing.
Ash: And…
Me:…
Me:…
Me: I suppose it does count.
Ash: Of course it counts.
Me: Huh. I guess I am a writer.

It wasn’t a loud “aha” moment, more of a slow realization. Ash was right, I was a writer. I have been writing several thousand words a week, writing even more than I did in graduate school. More than when I wrote on my own in my youth. I was writing for myself and what I wanted to write about and that made a huge difference.

I had realized my childhood dream of writing for a living even if it took a different route and form I originally anticipated. That doesn’t mean I can’t spend time working on my more creative pieces, I can foster that on the side. But I can officially say that I am a writer because of my blog.

A Creative Accountability Buddy

What MS//Mommy has done the most for me is keeping me accountable to my plans and goals. I post about what I want to do health-wise and I find that knowing it’s out there helps keep me honest and focused. When I slip up, I try to post about it, but I feel like I am less likely to slip up because I have put my intentions out there.

I like to think that my continued health journey success is in part due to my activeness on the blog.

I also find that the blog helps make my intentions more real, like writing down items for a shopping or to-do list. If I put it to “paper,” then I have said that this is important for me to be more mindful. After finishing up my two-part post about toxic relationships, I’ve made more of an effort to be okay with no longer allowing toxic people in my life.

My posts about coming to terms with my MS helped me move forward in a more constructive way. While I was in a much better place than when I first got my diagnoses,  speaking about it put any final fears or doubts I had to rest.

Beyond all of that, just the creative act of writing has been extremely cathartic for me. It has allowed me to have a sense of self and self-worth that I was worried I might lose once I became a mother. It is easy for a woman to be defined solely by her children, and I was worried I would get too wrapped up in Jai’s life.

I love my son, but I don’t want to be defined by him. I have nothing against other parents who allow that to happen, that is what works best for them.

I am able to say that while I am a mother I am a writer as well.

The Future

I am hoping that my blog will continue to grow and that it will take on a greater meaning for others and not just myself. I am also hoping it will help open up professional avenues I never imagined possible when I started out last year.

I feel like I’ve been less stressed in my life since starting my blog and for that, I am grateful to have in my life. Any stress I feel related to the blog is the good kind of stress that pushes me forward and keeps me motivated. I can’t wait to see where this takes me in the next five years or so.

Thank you for coming along this journey with me.


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Featured photo credit: Michelle Melton


Happy Thanksgiving

From our family to yours, I hope all my American readers have a safe and stress-free Thanksgiving. May it be filled with light, love, wonderful reflection and an opportunity to express gratitude for those you spend the day with.

Happy Thanksgiving!


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Gratitude for my Parents

For the month of November, I am taking each day to highlight some element in my life that I want to express my gratitude about. This could be something deeply personal or just a passing appreciation for something more superficial. 


I talk about my parents occasionally on the blog, but their presence is in every post. It shines through the help my parents provide to make each post possible. My mother is especially supportive, she provides many of the pictures seen on the blog and the time watching Jai so I can write.

So for today, I wanted to express my gratitude for my parents who are huge cornerstones in my life. I find writing posts such as these to be extremely difficult because it’s hard to encompass all that I love and appreciate about my parents in a succinct way. The English language is flawed in many ways because there aren’t proper words to express the depth and breadth of my appreciation.

I will try my best despite this shortcoming.

My Mother

My mother is my biggest fan. She’ll be the first to tell you that. Which I think tends to be the case for a lot of mothers. I know that I am a fan of Jai and when he starts doing cooperative group activities, or activities in general, I will be one of his greatest fans.

Her mantra for me growing up was that I could do whatever I wanted to do, so do what I love. I stumbled along the way, my diagnosis catching me off guard and I took a couple of detours, but I am finally doing what I love: writing on a near-daily basis for an audience.

The only reason why I am able to do this is my wonderful and supportive mother. Jai is a handful now that he’s a toddler and sitting down during my peak energy hours to do my writing is near impossible because it coincides with his most active play time. She makes the journey several times a week to watch Jai for a few hours while I write, do extra work, or clean without worrying about him getting underfoot.

Some days just having her with me helps keep me from feeling lonely or depressed, so her presence is soothing to me even as an adult.

But that’s not the only thing I appreciate about her – without her, I do not believe I would be successful in my health journey. She is my running and accountability buddy. On the days she is unable to make it out to meet me for a run, I am not motivated enough to go by myself. I know I need to work on that, but I really enjoy meeting up with her in the mornings to chat about all sorts of things. I find that I look forward to these runs, even if we’re doing the really long one for the week.

She’s always been my inspiration for a variety of things in my life: she went to college while I was a teenager, so I was inspired to go; she started running many years ago to get healthy, so I decided I could do it myself; she’s showing what it takes to be an awesome grandparent to Jai, so I hope I can follow in her footsteps if he starts his own family someday.

My Father

My dad and I are alike – we look similar, we have very similar personalities, and we have the same sense of humor. Because of this, we have that unique connection that comes from parents with children who are little clones of themselves. I understand him and he, for the most part, understands me.

Growing up I have a lot of fond memories of time spent with my father. We would go to to a local lake and stick our feet in the water for fish to nibble our toes. When he had a motorcycle, I remember him taking me on mini-day trips around the state where it was just the two of us.

He encouraged me to climb the trees in our yard, helping me get started on one particularly difficult tree and the two of us spending time up in it chatting away. We would wait until my mom would come out and check on us and then play pranks on her while she was on the ground. She did not appreciate it, but the two of us giggled until the tree shook.

As adults, we aren’t climbing trees anymore, but I enjoy the days where we sit on the back porch and sip Scotch while grilling or having a fire in the firepit. In those moments we can talk about everything and anything – and I enjoy hearing how much he loves spending time with Jai when the topic comes up.

I appreciate how seriously he takes being a grandfather to Jai. I knew he would love being a grandfather, but it’s a lot of fun seeing how he plays with Jai. I have very similar memories of play with my father when I was younger, so it’s like watching the past. Jai adores my father and always asks to see him when he’s gone more than a week without seeing his Grampy.

 

I recognize how lucky I am to have both of my parents in my life, especially now that I am getting older. I know that having one or both parents is a luxury at my age and I try to not take that for granted, especially considering how supportive they are in my life. It’s hard for me to demonstratively express my gratitude and appreciation for them, as I feel embarrassed sometimes over such things, but I am trying to be more active so they are aware of my appreciation and Jai learns that showing gratitude for those closest to us is important.

Because of how things worked out this year, I will be spending the Thanksgiving holiday with my parents and I hope to express the gratitude shared in this post with them over supper.

How have your parents helped you grow as a person that you are grateful for? What would you say to them if given a chance? Leave your stories and thoughts in the comments.


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Featured photo credit: Photo by Mihai Surdu on Unsplash


The Big & the Little Things

For the month of November, I am taking each day to highlight some element in my life that I want to express my gratitude about. This could be something deeply personal or just a passing appreciation for something more superficial. 


It always feels weird “counting one’s riches” because it seems like bragging, but I think it’s important to acknowledge the objects I have to make my life easier.

A lot of gratitude exercises focus on the internal and intangible, which to be fair are things that should hold deeper meaning in our lives, but something could be said for the objects we possess. The trap is when someone focuses on what they have, they can also see what they lack which can cause frustration and undermine the whole exercise.

Avoiding that trap, I want to focus my gratefulness for my basic possessions. I think it’s important to look at what I have and where I am in life because every person is one or two decisions/disasters away from losing these objects.

Living Arrangements

I am lucky enough to live in a house, though if you’ve ever had a conversation with me you know how much I hate the house itself. I can spend a half-hour ranting about all the things wrong with it, but deep down I acknowledge that I could be in a situation without a living arrangement.

Owning a house is important from a social perspective, though people of my generation are buying less and opting to rent more, it also means that it is ours with little opportunity to lose it beyond a disaster. There is a security that comes from our current living arrangement.

As the days grow shorter and the nights much colder, I recognize how fortunate we are to have a warm house to sleep in, especially for Jai. Living insecurity is a real concern even in America for children, so knowing that he has a safe, warm, and secure place for Jai to sleep at night takes a load of worry off of my mind.

Transportation

We live in a major metropolitan area that has its own transportation system, though massively flawed. When I first moved down ten years ago from New England, I depended on this form of transportation because I didn’t have a vehicle. While it was imperfect, I remember being grateful to have it available to get to my various jobs around the city.

I grew up in an area that didn’t even have regional transportation and what little transportation it did have it was reserved for people with disabilities and not for the general public. Going from nothing to something was opening up the world for me and I loved it. It might take me two hours to get somewhere, but I could get there.

Several years after the move down I got my car back (I previously had no means to park it which is why it stayed behind) and going from public transportation to having a vehicle was even more freeing. I made sure to give rides to people who needed them to return the favors I accumulated over the years without a car. While I could now cut trip times down by half, I never forgot my time on public transportation.

Anytime I can go somewhere and use public transportation, I take the chance even with Jai. I want him to learn and appreciate the transportation system we have in place. I am a huge defender of our transportation system, though I will heavily qualify it as problematic and needing fixing, I do want to see the changes.

That said, I am grateful I have a vehicle and when I go an extended period of time without my car, even with a rental, I recognize how important it is in my life.

Food

During the same period ten years ago when I didn’t have my car I also went through an extremely lean period regarding my ability to eat. I was struggling to make ends meet and chose to pay for my bills and rent over buying food for myself. I started dating Ash around this time, but I didn’t admit to him how little I could afford to eat. Rather, I would offer to make him dinner which was cheaper, provided he pay for the ingredients.

I lost a lot of weight during that time between not being able to eat and walking everywhere with public transportation. I was grateful for that silver lining (I had plenty of weight to lose at that point).

While I figured I would eventually see the end of this lean eating period, I knew I had it better than others. I was able to eat at least one quality meal a day, but I know there are plenty of others who can go days without food or quality food options.

I honestly found this period of my life to be the most enlightening, food uncertainty did help shape my personal perspective going forward: I would always donate and help out in any way I could for others who had no way of knowing when their period of lean eating would come to an end.

When Jai gets older, I want to bring him to opportunities to help others who are dealing with food uncertainty. Every Thanksgiving and Christmas, a major charity in our city opens up its facilities for people to donate their time and energy to make meals for the poor. I have always wanted to donate my time there, but haven’t had the ability. I think when he’s 7 he’ll be ready to help and appreciate what he is doing for others.

What are some of the more tangible things you are grateful for in your life? What brings about an appreciation for these things? Comment with your thoughts below.


Like this post? Make sure to follow me on your favorite social media platform and show some love by sharing it. Links found below.

Featured photo credit: Michelle Melton