I Wish I Knew: Before Getting Pregnant

Before getting pregnant, I will admit that I was completely in the dark about a lot of details. I knew what went into getting pregnant, but I didn’t know anything beyond the basic mechanics and my personal expectations were limited to media portrayals of pregnant women.

Sperm and egg meet. Cells divide and grow. Skip the pregnancy test, first sign would be morning sickness. Strangers touching my belly and offering strange prophecies about the child inside. Nine months later my water breaks in the middle of a store. I’d barely make it to the hospital in time. Three pushes and the baby is out. Oh, and the pain was unimaginable.

That’s all there was to it.

As I said in Wednesday’s post, I had a lot to learn about the process and alter my preconceived notions. I read some books, blogs, and message boards about pregnancy but once I was pregnant there were still a lot of gaps in my knowledge. Even now, if I got pregnant again, I am sure I will learn something about the process that I didn’t even know was possible.

Part of the problem was I didn’t know what I didn’t know. What was important information for me to know ahead of time might be common knowledge for another person; and what I might be familiar with may be a gap in another person’s knowledge.

There were things I wish I knew before getting pregnant, but I wouldn’t have known how to ask for that information at the time.

What I Wish I Knew

Cultural stereotypes surrounding pregnancy happens for a reason: there are some universal commonalities about the experience. Most women will experience morning sickness, most women will experience extreme fatigue, most women will have strangers offer unsolicited advice, and most women will be over the pregnancy by month eight.

What get’s missed in these cultural stereotypes is that while there¬†may be some commonalities, each woman’s experience will be unique to her and she will experience her pregnancy differently from the next person.

I wish I had known this ahead of time. I also wish I knew about some of the more minor details about pregnancy that I am sure other women have experienced. Obviously, there is no way to know every little detail about pregnancy that every woman has ever experienced, but I wish the message of “this is perfectly normal even if it doesn’t feel like it” had been driven home.

Note: I am not referring to things that may be medical complications. If something seems wrong always go to your medical professional immediately. I am referring to the minor day-to-day things, like passing a lot of gas or having bad heartburn.

Again, I blame my public school education for the gaps in knowledge, but I also blame a cultural aversion to talking about the finer points of pregnancy. I cannot change the school system, nor can I shift cultural attitudes, but I can write a post about what I wish I had known based off of my experience.

Many of these are unique to my own experience, so please do not take them as universal fact, but these are the things I wish I knew before getting pregnant:

  • It isn’t easy to get pregnant
  • The baby gets everything first, so if you are feeling fine, don’t stress that the baby isn’t getting enough nutrients
  • There’s a chance that you won’t look pregnant through much of the pregnancy (you’ll just look like you’ve gained weight), so people will look at you funny when you use the expectant mother spots in a parking lot
  • Additionally, because you won’t look pregnant for a long time, people won’t clamor to help you like they might with other pregnant women. Don’t get offended by this
  • You are not required to gain weight. In fact, you aren’t eating for two. You really are only eating for one (you) and a half (the baby)
  • For those with MS: pregnancy is addicting considering how good you may feel for the second and third trimesters
  • Regular sleep ends around month five or whenever the baby settles on your bladder. Waking up in the middle of the night will become a permanent issue (even after the baby is born)
  • Sciatic pain is a real thing when trying to sleep at night. You will have to shift a lot to find comfortable positions
  • Never stretch your legs in the middle of the night. No matter how tempting or good you think it will feel. You’ll only end in tears from the Charlie Horse pain and force your partner to massage the cramps out

Because pregnancy is both a universal and deeply unique experience, I didn’t want to restrict this post to my own experience. I reached out to some other mother’s to provide their own experiences and advice.

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