identifying-wellness-changes

Identifying Wellness Changes

So often I get caught up with what’s going on in my life, at the moment, that I don’t take the time to step back and appreciate my development as a person. It’s easy not to recognize how we’ve grown as a person, partly because we are too close to the situation.

Or, more often is the case for me, I don’t reflect on the changes I’ve made and assume I am staying in one place. I presume that I am not experiencing growth because I don’t think of identifying my maturation. If I am bogged down with routine, I take for granted the moments where I behave differently than in the past. I miss seeing the benefit I am getting from my wellness changes.

It’s essential to appreciate the changes we’ve made, no matter how minuscule they might seem, because any change in a positive direction is a great start.

Identifying Changes

Back in February, I devoted a whole month to self-reflection. If we want to see what changes we’ve made throughout this year, we have to dive back into the self-reflection process. Hopefully, this will be less painful than a full-assessment of ourselves. If we feel like we haven’t done a lot of internal work this year, there might be a hesitation to self-reflect because of shame.

Unfortunately, we’ll have to push through those feelings of shame. At the end of the year, take a few moments to reflect on the positive. When your mind drifts into negative thinking, find something positive you did recently, and see what motivated you to do it. 

How will you know a change you made throughout the year is a positive one?

When making wellness goals, we often say things like: I want to exercise more, eat healthier, feel more satisfied, etc. And we’ve been through this cycle before: after making changes, two things happen. We “Fail,” as in, we give up. Or, we “fail” because we don’t notice changes quick enough, and feel like we are wasting time. 

It’s the lower-case “fail,” that we are examining today. Chances are if you don’t notice any positive changes in your life for the year, you didn’t fail. You just aren’t looking hard enough at what you have done. If you are continuing with your changes, despite not seeing the results that you want on time, consider this: you are sticking with it, and that counts as a success.

The entire point of this blog is tracking my wellness journey with MS as I wait to restart my medication. I wanted to get healthy to help manage my flare-ups and to provide a positive example to Jai. There are plenty of days where I don’t think I’ve made a difference in my life. I don’t see the results, so I assume I am spinning my wheels.

These last two months are proof that I’ve made changes, and the changes are working for me. I wrote about Lytton’s health issues at the end of October, and less than a month later, we had to say goodbye. The week we put him to sleep was stressful, surpassing the week I spent in the hospital utterly clueless about what was wrong with me, pre-diagnosis.

Not counting watching Lytton suffering through the final hours of his ailment, I fell from running the week before, Jai was sick, I had a mild infection, stress of an upcoming trip, and wondering when I would find time to catch up on the blog like I planned. Spoiler: I never caught up by evidence on the tardiness of this post.

When the dust started to settle, about a week or so later, I took a moment and realized something. I did not experience a flare-up. Given the amount of stress I was under, all the various negative moments I experienced, I was relatively calm and no indication of a flare-up.

I was pleased with myself. I weathered a hurricane of adverse events that, at any other point in my life, would have left me feeling defeated. I acknowledged that there are cycles in life where it feels like everything is piling on. I am in that cycle, but it will end, and I have to stay calm until then. I can’t fight life, as fighting will cause more stress. If I remain steadfast, acknowledge the feelings of frustration or sadness as they come up, and keep moving forward, I won’t drown in self-defeat.

Additionally, I experienced relapses for less. Granted, I still have a few days here and there where I want to stay in bed for a few hours over Lytton’s loss, but I know it’s coming more from depression and not from my MS. The fact that I am still managing my MS without medication and not undergoing a relapse shows me that the changes I made are working. 

Hopefully, you aren’t experiencing a down cycle where life is piling on to show you the effectiveness of your life changes. But I hope you take this away from the post: even if you don’t notice the changes working, chances are you are in a better space than you were before you started.


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reflecting-on-wellness-journey

Reflecting on a Wellness Journey

December. We’ve reached the end of our wellness journey for the year. Now it’s time to start reflecting all we’ve accomplished. It’s hard to believe that 2019 is coming to a close; it feels like it was just January. Time marches forward, and we are looking at a new year in a few short weeks.

If you joined me on this wellness journey or participating on one of your own, it’s crucial to look back on all you’ve done these past eleven months. Doing so recognizes the changes you’ve made that work, see the changes you still need to make, and figure out your next step in life. It grants you awareness and validation for what you’ve been through, even if it feels like you’ve moved backward. Chances are, you haven’t moved back, just forwards at a slower rate.

For the rest of December, we’ll be spending some time reflecting on 2019 in anticipation of 2020. Hopefully, together, we can see our progress and feel good that we’ve made it through another year. Who knows what the new year will bring?

New opportunities, new chances, or new outlooks on our health.


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Autumn Rest

For whatever reason, I struggle to write in November. I don’t know if it has something to do with the shift in weather, the pending holiday season, or writing burnout. But every November since I started this blog, I struggle to write. Additionally, dealing with Lytton’s health issues makes it hard to keep up with my weekly writing.

Rather than adding to my stress, I am following my own advice and engaging in self-care. I will be taking the month off from creating new content. If you are a newsletter subscriber, you will still get a new email each Friday morning. If you aren’t subscribed, it’s never too late to join the 2019 wellness challenge.

I will be revisiting some of my older posts for the month on the blog, updating the content with fresh thoughts when appropriate. Join me over at Facebook and Twitter for related articles to my posts.

I will re-start new content on December 2nd, so it won’t be a long wait. I have a gift for all my readers available for download towards the end of the holiday season, so be ready!

Have an excellent November, and I will see you in December.


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finding-your-strength

Finding Your Strength

It’s time to ask for help. How do you do it? How do you find your strength to put yourself in the vulnerable position of asking others to help you? For some of us, when we reach a point of needing help, it feels like rock bottom. Like we’ve exhausted all of our options, and so we must look elsewhere to move forward. It can be emotionally draining.

But it isn’t a rock bottom, and we aren’t hopeless if we acknowledge we need help. We aren’t defeated, we are strong, and we will get through it with others.

We must find our strength to ask and to receive help.

Finding Your Strength in Connections

How do you find your strength to ask for help?

Often, we don’t want to acknowledge that we need to ask for help, yet every human needs a hand at some point. When you ask for help, you grow stronger. Your connections deepen, you might now understand a concept better, and you might get that boost you’ve needed to get ahead.

The struggle comes when you reach out and realize the extent of your social connections. Often we give to others, not necessarily expecting reciprocation. Still, when we need help, those same people are unavailable to help. I can’t count how many times I’ve put myself out only to have the friend ghost me when I need them

It’s discouraging and can interfere with asking for help. So, rather than thinking you can do it on your own, continue to reach out. If you get a lackluster response, remember that your friend might legitimately be unable to help you at the moment. If you suspect it’s because they are a taker, then you grow stronger, knowing the nature of your friendship. You can put them down your friendship mountain, and minimize the stress they caused in your life (hopefully guilt-free).

You want to surround yourself with friends and family who want to help make you stronger. Listen to you when you need them, and accept your help when you can give it. Don’t base relationships on reciprocity alone, but you want to know that it’s there when needed.

If you surround yourself with reliable connections, you may never need them for help. Still, it will make asking a little easier. It’s a good thing for your physical and mental health to surround yourself with positive people.

Help Me, Help You

The best way to get help from others is by providing them with efficient tools to help you. Figure out the best ways a person can help before asking. If you have a demonstrative and sensitive friend, they might be the best person to turn to for a good cry. If you have an emotionally distant friend who copes through humor, go to them when you need cheering up.

Play to your friends’ strengths.

Sometimes we know automatically what our friends can handle. If we are at a loss, ask them how they can help. Sometimes our sensitive friend is better as a chauffeur than a confidant. When you take your friends’ abilities into account when you ask for help, you respect their boundaries. You also minimize rejection or feelings of discomfort because you are sensitive to their strengths.

People want to help each other, but we also want to respect what they are comfortable doing.

Putting it into Perspective

When you find your strength, remember to maintain perspective. It’s hard to step outside of our chronic illness to recognize that someone else might be going through an equally tough time. While it may not be your responsibility to take care of someone else, you do want to be sensitive to what’s going on in their lives.

If I know a friend is going through a rough period and I am in need of some help, I will either turn to someone else or find a way to make the least amount of fuss. Often, I will make jokes about my own life to cheer them up, and in doing so, it helps me feel better. The help I need most often is a connection, and a friend can help me without even realizing it.

A friend may not tell me when they are going through a rough patch, so when they reject helping me, I try to remember my own experiences. I’ve had people need me while I’m coping with a minor exacerbation, and I’ve had to say “no,” to help them. I feel bad about rejecting them because I often feel like I could have helped anyway. But the point of saying “no,” was for self-care reasons. The same could be for a friend: they may be saying “no,” for their health. It is essential to respect that.

Remember that everyone is going through their mess of stuff, so when people behave a particular way, it has nothing to do with you. Take connections at face-value and don’t read into their reasonings, unless you know what’s going on for sure. You grow your strength from being resilient when friends can help you and the times they can’t.

We are all going through this journey together, so look to each other as opportunities to grow and mature by helping each other. You never know who might need that strength you model by asking for help.


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Book Review: Waiting: A Non-Believer’s Higher Power

I’ve never been Marya Hornbacher’s target audience. I’ve never had an eating disorder, never diagnosed as bipolar, and I’ve never had to work to overcome a substance addiction. The closest I can come to her experience is getting diagnosed with OCD and learning to come to grips with my addiction to anger.

Twice in my life, I’ve found myself reading her books.

I first read Wasted back in the early-2000’s, possibly while still in high school. I went through a morbid stage, where I read a lot of real-life stories of those battling eating disorders. Her book was one of many, and I remember enjoying her writing style.

When I started searching for books to read for this month, books relating to a higher power, I wanted to go a non-traditional route. I tried to find a book told from a nonbeliever’s perspective. But not your typical atheist text, one filled with anger towards a particular higher power. I wanted one that examined if you could be spiritual without a higher power.

Marya’s book, Waiting, came back as a top result, and since I recognized her from Wasted, I decided to give it a go. I did not read a summary, nor did I research beyond the title, subtitle, and author. I placed it on hold from my local library and waited. It was a shock when I started reading it and realized I was not the target audience, again. Marya’s book is for people in the process of recovery who do not believe in a higher power*. But given how some popular recovery program’s require a higher power to work through the steps, there can be anxiety surrounding a lack of belief. Marya’s book fills that gap and provides comfort and assurance that a person can complete a program without belief.

Granted, it was my fault for not researching the book. I judged a book solely by its cover and as a result, found that it might not be for me.

But the book was for me. I may not be in recovery for substance abuse, I am in recovery for some equally destructive behaviors. Marya had plenty to say that applied in my own life, primarily as I work through the process of self-acceptance, and stepping outside of my addiction to anger.

So it ended up being a beautiful accident to read Waiting for this month’s book review. 

What follows is my review of a book I chose on my own. I did not receive any compensation for this review.

Book Information

Title: Waiting: A Nonbeliever’s Higher Power
Author: Marya Hornbacher
Date Published: 2011
Publisher: Hazeldon
Pages: 137
Genre: Spirituality/Recovery

Goodreads Link
Amazon Link (non-affiliate)
Official Book Website (non-affiliate)


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